Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH has hours of calls logged to a number I don't recognise

999 replies

livingontheedgeee · 29/01/2018 18:22

So, we use a phone provider where you pay for a monthly contract then need to add credit for things like calling overseas, dialling non-standard numbers etc. Normally DH and I keep £10 extra credit on just in case.
Last night, DH ran me as he's working away and asked me to top it up for him (he's completely technophobic).Normally I'd just log into the app on my phone but I was sitting at the computer at the time so I logged onto his online phone account to do it from there.

Right there, on the front page, it gave the top 5 numbers he calls with the number of hours associated with each number. One number he'd spoken to for 364 hours over the course of a month! Checking further (of course) he'd also sent 13 MMS to the same number meaning he's sending picture messages too.

Now he does use his phone a lot if he has to speak to clients and there are some clients he calls regularly but looking at the other calls, none of them are more than 10 hours across the whole month.

So, I went to his phone contacts list and lo and behold, here's the number assigned to some woman who I've never heard of.

I want to confront him but neither do I want to look stupid. He's never given me any reason to think he's messing about. Except perhaps he doesn't call me every day like he used to. Sometimes he goes two or three days without a call. This is the only change in his behaviour but thought it was on the back of me saying he needn't feel obliged to call every night.

Question is, do I call this number? Or do I ask him outright? Do I let it ride and see if he continues to call her?

OP posts:
Mycatisahacker · 30/01/2018 15:45

Then he’s got every opportunity to delete everything

IndigoMoonFlower · 30/01/2018 15:45

RE "
If it was me, I would look."

Yes, but I'd make sure I didn't do anything that could land me in trouble, like changing numbers/ intercepting calls etc. THAT would fall under the heading of controlling behaviour- and anyway, it could be innocent.

I'd presume innocent until found guilty, do your homework, keep your nose clean, gather facts, not criminal offences. Looking is one thing, but meddling isn't looking after yourself.

loopylou6 · 30/01/2018 15:45

How old is he op? Can you put her name in Google and see if anything pops up?
Sorry you're going through this x

SoleBizzz · 30/01/2018 15:46

When is he home?
So sorry you are going through this Flowers

Bluntness100 · 30/01/2018 15:48

I'm also curious how he is?

Gudgyx · 30/01/2018 15:48

I have a Windows work phone so just tested it.

Had a text in my phone from one of my colleagues. Went in and changed his number to my personal mobile number. I then text my work phone from my own phone, and it has added the text to the previous conversation. Not a new conversation.

So he can just go in and open the previous conversation, text as normal and it will send to OP instead of potential OW.

TattyCat · 30/01/2018 15:48

Agree that meddling with his phone contacts is not a sensible idea. It absolutely could be innocent, in which case Op has caused a massive, massive issue, unnecessarily. And it doesn't help, really.

If this is innocent, Op's behaviour is unforgiveable.

RandomDreams · 30/01/2018 15:48

Well you could speed it along. Text him as her contact and say nothing more than "hi, text me" He will text back.

If I got a text purporting to be from a client saying that I'd be suspicious immediately so do not follow that stupid idea OP.

InsomniacAnonymous · 30/01/2018 15:49

"if he checked up on me I wouldn't give a shit. I'd feel pretty awful if he felt he had to."

So you would give a shit then.

Lashalicious · 30/01/2018 15:51

That’s good to know Gudge so it will still be the same text thread—great. That means op just has to wait a bit and see what happens.

Gudgyx · 30/01/2018 15:51

BUT OP, I have just changed the number back to my colleagues and checked the messages, and they come up under my own number, not his name.

So you will need to try and get the phone to delete the messages from your work number after it, if you change everything back.

Lashalicious · 30/01/2018 15:55

Well done Gudge for finding out all this for op.

OverlyYappy · 30/01/2018 15:57

I hope there turns out to be a logical explanation.

NaiceBiscuits · 30/01/2018 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladymelbourne1926 · 30/01/2018 15:58

Op honestly I would just ask him, when is he home next?

Mycatisahacker · 30/01/2018 15:59

You Are getting some seriously dodgy advice here op.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 30/01/2018 15:59

Any update op?

Idontdowindows · 30/01/2018 16:02

OP, if you have done what you say you have done, you have no seriously destroyed any chance you have if it turns out to be innocent.

If you were my wife, and I was innocent and I found out you'd been doing this, either you or I would be out the door.

MsJolly · 30/01/2018 16:10

Feel for you OPFlowers

BrendasUmbrella · 30/01/2018 16:14

OP, if you have done what you say you have done, you have no seriously destroyed any chance you have if it turns out to be innocent.

She says her DH is a technophobe who can't even top up his own phone, so chances are he'll only find out about it if the OP gets something incriminating on him, and then he has no moral high ground anyway.

mumpoints · 30/01/2018 16:21

She says her DH is a technophobe who can't even top up his own phone, so chances are he'll only find out about it if the OP gets something incriminating on him, and then he has no moral high ground anyway.

The OP doesn't know much about her own DH if this is an affair. But I find it hard to believe that a technophobe lets the one person he wouldn't want to know about his phone, deal with it at all. He wouldn't have a clue what she could access.

Regardless, the contact may know about phones. They may have found out what she did the second she did it. If it is innocent and work related, the DH may ask someone at work, or in a phone shop, to find out why his contact has changed.

Mycatisahacker · 30/01/2018 16:21

It’s not all about moral ground though is it? It’s just not legal to alter another adults contacts or numbers without their permission.

Mycatisahacker · 30/01/2018 16:23

I have to say I find it hard to think the dh would be so stupid as to ask his wife to effectively access his records if he was having an affair.

Most people notice their partners are glued to their phone qbd terrotoriel over their records if having an affair! It’s usually the first sign.

PastaOfMuppets · 30/01/2018 16:24

Handhold, OP.

Mycatisahacker · 30/01/2018 16:28

Absolute hand holdti you op we all here for you Flowers