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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To squash my DH's plans

116 replies

BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 20:46

I am prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable.

My DH passed his driving test almost a year ago. We bought a 2003 plate Peugeot 206 for him to use to get some confidence, go back and forward to work etc.

About 3 months ago, DH mentioned he would like to get a new car when his insurance renewal was up in Feb. We aren't what I would say "well off". We have a loan for the family car which I primarily drive as I do the school runs etc. He suggested that if he gave up smoking which would save £50 a month, could we increase the loan so that he could buy a new car. I said that was a good idea.

He's been at looking at cars and recently set his heart in a "World Series" - no idea what that is but they are about £3000 in our area. He hasn't been smoking since Xmas. He's had his renewal letter come through and not mentioned anything about this car for the past couple of weeks.

I happened to look today at how much we could increase the loan by for an extra £50 a month and it was £2000. I told him this and he's pissed off. He's basically said that I promised him a new car if he stopped smoking and he's been looking at cars around the £3k mark but now it's dropped to £2k and he doesn't want anything for £2k. I don't know where he got the £3k from as I never suggested what the increase would be. He's basically now implying that I should have looked sooner at the loan situation and it's 2 weeks till renewal and he's back at square 1. My arguement is it's not my car and why didn't he mention it sooner?!

I've come to bed and he's downstairs sulking. Who's being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Gide · 28/01/2018 20:48

He is, if you have joint finances. He’s crazy to want a more expensive car when he’s such a new driver. Is he under 25?

KimmySchmidt1 · 28/01/2018 20:48

If he wanted a new car and he knew he had £50 to spare he should have checked out what the loan would allow at that amount per month.

Is he a child?

Chickencellar · 28/01/2018 20:49

Your husband is , why can't he look himself at what £50 a month would buy him ? Also if you aren't well off maybe he should stick to his 206.
Never heard of a world series ? Who makes them ?

Slitherout · 28/01/2018 20:50

What's wrong with him that he couldn't find that info out or politely make it clear how important it was to him that you find out? Why is it down to you? If you (or he in this case) want something you sort it out, wood totally ignore the sulking!

Slitherout · 28/01/2018 20:50

*would

MyBrilliantDisguise · 28/01/2018 20:50

Can't he do basic maths? Even without interest it would take 5 years to repay a £3,000 loan. How long did he think it would take?

Original poster
BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 20:51

He's 33 this year. We bought the Peugeot because it was low insurance for a new driver. Ok it is a banger but isn't everyone's first car a banger?!

Now he's been driving a year he wants something abit bigger - 4 door sort of thing which I can understand as we have 2 DC's. The problem is he won't have a Focus or an Astra or similar. He wants this bloody World Series!!!

OP posts:
honeylulu · 28/01/2018 20:51

If he's "saving" £50 a month, where does he think the extra is coming from?
Is he expecting you to magic it out of nowhere as a reward for not smoking?

LML83 · 28/01/2018 20:51

he is behaving like a brat. But it is a joint decision.

In our house we would agree a budget, dh would fall in love with a much more expensive car. I would be livid but we would re do the sums and meet where we could afford.

Then dh feels guilty or extravagant and finds a car at original budget.

I don't think it's fair for him to expect you to say yes or no, look at it together and see what you would have to cut out to afford it. Hopefully dh will see sense. or you will come to a compromise.

Original poster
BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 20:53

I deal with all banking side of things - bills etc because he openly admits he's useless with money. He wouldn't have the first clue how to use online banking

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 28/01/2018 20:54

What is a World Series??? Asked my mechanic dp and he has no idea either.

honeylulu · 28/01/2018 20:54

Ok have you asked him to propose how it can be paid for?

Original poster
BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 20:55

I've just googled it - it's a Renault Megane World Series that he's after

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 28/01/2018 20:55

Whatever it is, does he realise his insurance will also be higher? Is he going to be paying that too. He sounds a bit of a dick to be honest. I couldn’t respect a bloke who behaved like a teenage boy.

Original poster
BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 20:56

I asked him where he got the £3k mark for and he was silly for going ahead and setting his heart on a car when we hadn't even checked the loan situation but his arguement is why didn't I check sooner so that he didn't get his hopes up.

OP posts:
Original poster
BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 20:56

crisp he intends to pay for his insurance with the money he makes from the peurgeot

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 28/01/2018 20:57

That is only a two door and you are just paying extra for a bit of fibre glass body kit.

bastardkitty · 28/01/2018 20:57

He only stopped smoking at xmas ffs. He's really taking the piss and spitting his dummy. If he gets the car, I bet he starts smoking again 5 minutes later.

Tistheseason17 · 28/01/2018 20:58

YANBU. This car would put his insurance up by more than you can both afford, too.
He's a numpty

LemonSqueezy0 · 28/01/2018 20:59

Subconsciously or otherwise, it seems that you take on (and are expected to take on) the mental /wife work role of sorting out the life admin in your family set up - he half assed the gathering of the money he needed, and is now lashing out at you in frustration because you haven't magiced the money out of your backside, to reward his crap attempt at budgeting... He seems a bit juvenile and immature to be honest.

TheHobbitMum · 28/01/2018 20:59

Surely he needs to find more than £50 a month though? That would only just cover a basic loan payment, has he looked into the maintenance & servicing costs for this "World series" (no idea what that is either). If he is being made childish over the cost of the car because you can't afford the £3K he wants how will he react to say an expensive repair when the funds aren't there? He's being an idiot, we'd all love bigger & better but we have to budget and work within that

Slitherout · 28/01/2018 20:59

You didn't check sooner because you have other things to do and he is quite capable of repeatedly asking politely if he wants to know that badly, or better yet getting some basic financial skills together so he can find out himself would be my answer!

Ohhgreat · 28/01/2018 21:00

So the £50 a month he is saving has to cover not just the loan but also increased insurance costs and fuel costs. World Series will be much more to insure for a driver with only a years no claims. Has he done an insurance quote?

Original poster
BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 21:02

Well atleast I feel better knowing that I haven't squashed his dream unreasonably!!

He's a good husband, I've got my own buisness and he supports me with the DC's when I'm trying to work from home. He's a hard worker (shifts) and helps me round the house. So I do feel a pang of guilt that the only thing he asks for (this car) and I say no! But at the same time I don't like being blamed!

OP posts:
Partypopper123 · 28/01/2018 21:02

Has he checked out the price of the insurance? Looks like a bit of a boy racer car to me, which means it will be more expensive insurance than a standard model.