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Original poster

To squash my DH's plans

116 replies

BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 20:46

I am prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable.

My DH passed his driving test almost a year ago. We bought a 2003 plate Peugeot 206 for him to use to get some confidence, go back and forward to work etc.

About 3 months ago, DH mentioned he would like to get a new car when his insurance renewal was up in Feb. We aren't what I would say "well off". We have a loan for the family car which I primarily drive as I do the school runs etc. He suggested that if he gave up smoking which would save £50 a month, could we increase the loan so that he could buy a new car. I said that was a good idea.

He's been at looking at cars and recently set his heart in a "World Series" - no idea what that is but they are about £3000 in our area. He hasn't been smoking since Xmas. He's had his renewal letter come through and not mentioned anything about this car for the past couple of weeks.

I happened to look today at how much we could increase the loan by for an extra £50 a month and it was £2000. I told him this and he's pissed off. He's basically said that I promised him a new car if he stopped smoking and he's been looking at cars around the £3k mark but now it's dropped to £2k and he doesn't want anything for £2k. I don't know where he got the £3k from as I never suggested what the increase would be. He's basically now implying that I should have looked sooner at the loan situation and it's 2 weeks till renewal and he's back at square 1. My arguement is it's not my car and why didn't he mention it sooner?!

I've come to bed and he's downstairs sulking. Who's being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 22:54

Scottish no he isn't.... that's the point. He's pissed off that I haven't done it but he didn't remind me or mention it till today!

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thenightsky · 28/01/2018 22:55

Renault are shite.

On the plus side, I suppose the world series variant of the Megane is at least a low powered nothing special thing, so insurance shouldn't be too bad. Not a boy racer car. Fairly small engine, low bhp and slow acceleration. Not sure why he's attracted to it really Confused.

Original poster
BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 22:56

whatshalli - does it matter??

Also see my reply where I said he smokes roll ups so a pouch of Tabasco lasts him nearly a week at £10 a pouch

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Original poster
BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 22:58

tobacco that should read

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Original poster
BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 23:00

nightsky me neither!! He said he likes the shape of it

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Ethylred · 28/01/2018 23:02

So it's your fault that he got his hopes up?
He sounds like a 2-year-old. I hope he sits in
a car-seat when he's driving.

Ellisandra · 28/01/2018 23:05

I can see why, in the relationship you have chosen to have, he thought you would check out all the costs.

Absolutely no justification for him to get pissy with you now, but I can actual see why he's disappointed.

He doesn't sound very bright. I don't mean that nastily, though I know it sounds it. It's not even the reading and test failures... it's that at 33 he has his heart set on a car with souped up body kit. It's just a bit... dim.

Only you know, not us, whether he lacked educational support as a child but is bright enough, or whether with all the help in the world he would have been below average. Again - not being mean, but someone has to be below average. If he is - I get why he abdicated all the figures to you.

People say about just needing to learn... I was once gutted to send home an agency temp in the warehouse where I was a shift manager. He was so keen to work. We had a system where you had to pick boxes of tomatoes, and you didn't even need to count - there was a label per box - 5 labels = 5 boxes. He didn't get it. He wasn't lazy, he just couldn't do it.

I also worked with a girl (16, she was a girl) on a checkout. She was a bag packer. We tried to let her learn tills. Didn't matter how many times you told her she had to press "total" after the last item, she couldn't remember. A post it note saying "press total when you have scanned everything :)" didn't help 100% of the time. "Ellis, I think my till is broken".

It's really hard for some people.

He needs to get over being a sulky teen to you, sharpish. But I do have sympathy for him thinking it was your job to tell him what could be afforded.

MrsMcGarry · 28/01/2018 23:11

He doesn't sound like a good husband or partner. He sounds like a well behaved teenage son.

Just because he sees you as a mother figure doesn't mean you shouldn't expect more from the person you share your life with

Original poster
BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 23:12

Ellis you are right and I almost feel terrible saying this about him, like I'm talking behind his back!, but he just finds things hard.

For example, I was trying to do an exercise routine where I needed him to tell me every 30 seconds when to stop - he just couldnt get his head round it. To some people that might sound really daft but he would let 30 seconds go by on the timer but as it got to 60 seconds, 90 seconds etc he couldn't do it.

I don't mind being the one that checks all these things but there was nothing stopping him saying "hey can you check this for me"

OP posts:
Sunbeam18 · 28/01/2018 23:13

Your OP sounded like you were talking about your child, not your husband. Do you even need two cars??

LemonysSnicket · 28/01/2018 23:14

Why’s it your job to look ?

Also my insurance was 1000-2000 for the first 4 years of my driving. Why would he even want a new car? They decrease in value by 1/3 as soon as you drive off of the lot. Much better to get a 6m-1yr old car !

LemonysSnicket · 28/01/2018 23:15

Isn’t a World Series a racing car ?

Original poster
BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 23:15

sunbeam we do because we live out in the sticks. Dc's school is 15 min drive from our house and DH work is 25 min drive. He used to rely on lifts to get to work but was always stressful/unreliable

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Original poster
BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 23:16

lemony when I say New I don't mean brand new. He wants a World Series Renault megane - never heard of it before!

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NoIdeaWhatToSay · 28/01/2018 23:18

So he insures the banger for 6 months and continues to save money? Or a year?

StillPissedOff · 28/01/2018 23:18

It is his car. It is his responsibility. There is nothing that you need to do, here! You're not his mum!

Slanetylor · 28/01/2018 23:23

It Is still January!! He could be smoking by February. We are not well off either and if old car was still going I'd be sticking with that.
I'd try for a compromise. Save 600 pounds this year by staying off smoking and put that towards car loan next year. I'm sorry you married a child. It's not nice being forced to parent your spouse. But you are where you are now.

StillPissedOff · 28/01/2018 23:23

And I would add to that - you DO NOT need to make a financial contribution to his dream vehicle!

He needs to work out what he can afford, Don't go getting guilted on this!

WaxOnFeckOff · 28/01/2018 23:25

Has he factored in the part exchange he'll get for his current car?

has he negotiated down to the best deal he can get?

Could he take it over a longer term?

Is there anything he has that he'd be willing to sell to add to the deposit?

Ellisandra · 28/01/2018 23:27

That must be hard for you @BarryMoose

It would definitely affect how I approached it. I'd be less like to tell him that he should have worked it out, and more likely to say he should have asked me. Either way - he can fuck off with his sulking!

But it wasn't a simple case of him needing to work out £x saving x Ymonths = Z
But what can an extra £50 on a loan repayment get me. That's not simple, given interest rates, credit duration etc.

Is there a reason why he'd think you knew the car was £3K? Did you only just find out it's a "World Series"? Because if he's been banging on about his dream car for months Hmm he may think that's enough for you to know. Or to have looked it up.

I'm not trying to excuse him completely - after all, he can cope with enough reading to have looked up this bloody car in the first place Wink

But I'd take the bigger picture on this one. He probably feels pretty shit that he can't work this stuff out himself and the attitude could be covering his embarrassment over that.

Of course, if I'm being a bleeding heart liberal and he's often a sulky arse, ignore me and give him both barrels!

Agerbilatemycardigan · 28/01/2018 23:29

I'd squash more than his plans love..

Ellisandra · 28/01/2018 23:30

Another thought, if he doesn't always understand things...

Does he know that you can change your insurance mid policy?

Sounds like he thinks this new car is off the table because of the deadline of the insurance renewal? With might explain the seemingly OTT disappointment. Maybe he doesn't realise he has all the time in the world to save more / sell something / find a cheaper one. He's not stuck with the 306 for a full year.

NoFear84 · 28/01/2018 23:31

I think you mean quash but squashed is fine.

SlothMama · 28/01/2018 23:31

If you as a family can't afford the extra payments then he needs to rethink his car choices. He's still a relatively new driver, maybe he could stick to saving money for the next 6 months?

I can understand his frustration that he works hard and just wants this dream car

Original poster
BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 23:33

Ellis yes I think you might be right, he does seem panicked by the insurance deadline.

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