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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To squash my DH's plans

116 replies

BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 20:46

I am prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable.

My DH passed his driving test almost a year ago. We bought a 2003 plate Peugeot 206 for him to use to get some confidence, go back and forward to work etc.

About 3 months ago, DH mentioned he would like to get a new car when his insurance renewal was up in Feb. We aren't what I would say "well off". We have a loan for the family car which I primarily drive as I do the school runs etc. He suggested that if he gave up smoking which would save £50 a month, could we increase the loan so that he could buy a new car. I said that was a good idea.

He's been at looking at cars and recently set his heart in a "World Series" - no idea what that is but they are about £3000 in our area. He hasn't been smoking since Xmas. He's had his renewal letter come through and not mentioned anything about this car for the past couple of weeks.

I happened to look today at how much we could increase the loan by for an extra £50 a month and it was £2000. I told him this and he's pissed off. He's basically said that I promised him a new car if he stopped smoking and he's been looking at cars around the £3k mark but now it's dropped to £2k and he doesn't want anything for £2k. I don't know where he got the £3k from as I never suggested what the increase would be. He's basically now implying that I should have looked sooner at the loan situation and it's 2 weeks till renewal and he's back at square 1. My arguement is it's not my car and why didn't he mention it sooner?!

I've come to bed and he's downstairs sulking. Who's being unreasonable?

OP posts:

treeofhearts · 28/01/2018 21:08

Oh for fucks sake. What a child. I'd love more than any other car, to be able to have a Range Rover. I cut back, I saved and I looked into it and unfortunately came to the conclusion that although I could afford it if I cut back in other areas, there wasn't a snowball's chance in Hell I could afford to insure and maintain the fucker. Welcome to life. Tell him to grow the fuck up and that's coming from someone several years his junior.

And another thing? Why the fuck is it on you to look into it? He wants it, he does the research. Again, grow up.

Original poster

BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 21:09

I did an insurance check on it this afternoon and surprisingly it's not a great deal more than what he's paying now - but I am an additional driver on the insurance so I'm assuming my 12 years no claims bonus is bringing the price down

OP posts:

HermionesRightHook · 28/01/2018 21:10

Welp, if he waits for another two years and saves his £50 pm now, he'll have £1200 to spend on car/insurance and he'll have another two years' insurance history and driving experience, thus reducing the cost of the insurance.

Or he could try for a better job, etc. etc.

theredjellybean · 28/01/2018 21:10

I am sorry... But HOW OLD IS THIS KIDULT...

He sounds like a sulky teenager who wants a stupid boys racer to show off doing donuts to his mates...

Ffs... He is a grown up with responsibility...
I think the fact he smoked and didn't learn to drive until recently says it all about how much of a grown up father he is.

BashStreetKid · 28/01/2018 21:11

his arguement is why didn't I check sooner so that he didn't get his hopes up

Surely the answer to that is - why didn't he check sooner?

Has he factored in servicing and maintenance costs, and any unexpected repairs? Non-standard cars can be very expensive on that front - as DP is a bit of a car nutter I have bitter experience of that fact.

theredjellybean · 28/01/2018 21:12

I'd like a road going f1 mcleran.... If I sulk and whinge at my dp that he never told me I couldn't have one do you think he will get me one?

BashStreetKid · 28/01/2018 21:12

He definitely needs more than one month without smoking before he an say he's given up for good. As he put the money he's saved into a savings account?

WaterBuffaloDancing · 28/01/2018 21:12

Please do not use the phrase "he helps me round the house" it suggests you believe that all housework is your responsibility and he helps out when he can.

Car wise, he needs to look at how much the insurance is on the new car. It is all well and good saying he will pay for it out of the sale of the other car but realistically how much will that be?

Also fuel costs, how much is it to run? If he can't afford the new car then he cannot have it. It is called cutting your cloth.

Original poster

BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 21:17

jellybean he only recently passed his test because he couldn't pass the theory. He tried for years and kept failing to the point of where we couldn't afford to keep paying for the re-tests. Then he lost all confidence and thought fuck it I'm never going to pass it. He gave it one last shot last year and passed it, then whizzed through practical and passed first time.

I think he will be the first to admit he is not the brightest. His parents didn't give a fuck whether he went to school or not and he struggles to read and write.

OP posts:

Original poster

BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 21:19

And no - he hasn't factored in anything else. I did say to him that the parts and servicing for this World Series has surely got to be more than your standard focus?!

OP posts:

TathitiPete · 28/01/2018 21:26

I think a good solution would be to keep his current car for another year, so insure it for another year, and he can put aside the £50 a month that he's saving by not smoking. This will give him another whole year of driving experience and if he stays off the smokes he'll have £600 saved up to put towards a new car. To put towards the extra insurance because his insurance premiums could well increase, or to put towards the actual cost of the car so it'd be £600 that you'd saved as opposed to £600 of a loan that has to be paid back with interest.

I doubt he'll go for this though. To be fair a year is quite a while to wait but maybe 6 months would be doable? 6 more months experience, £300 to help with car costs and also it'll be 6 months off the cigarettes. I've never smoked but it's well known that stopping smoking is very difficult so I'd be concerned that if he gets a car straight away he might be back smoking in a few weeks leaving you an extra £50 a month down. If he's stayed off them for 6 months it would probably be a good bit easier to keep off them permanently.

suzy2b · 28/01/2018 21:26

I would use the extra £50 to pay of the loan you have now when that is payed off start saving the £50 until you have a chunk then buy another but check the insurance first

Toomanycats99 · 28/01/2018 21:31

Against all advice I bought a Renault Megan scenic and it was the worst car ever. I owned it for about 2.5 years. 3 of the 4 electric Windows stopped working and had to be fixed, great to have non closing windows when you park on the street. It then started cutting out all the time.

I got rid before my extended warranty ran out and would never buy another Renault again!

Original poster

BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 21:35

The problem is - that all of his work colleagues and friends are driving nice cars. I've tried to explain to him that's because they've been driving 10+ years but I think he thinks I'm being obstructive!

OP posts:

Moreisnnogedag · 28/01/2018 21:35

He seriously only smokes 5 packs of cigarettes a month? That’s one a week so three or so a day. Is that right?

He’s being ridiculous. You keep this car until you’ve saved enough to outright buy a car, even if its a cheaper model than his dream. Boy racer type cars eat fuel and with insurance/tax etc it becomes a bit of an expensive quilts pleasure.

As an aside, if you’d think he’d go for it, there are adult English and maths classes that could really help him.

Haint · 28/01/2018 21:36

DO NOT BUY A RENAULT (or indeed any French car if you can help it). I have one and they are notorious for electrical faults and yes, mine is riddled with them

Moreisnnogedag · 28/01/2018 21:36

I know his pain - I drive the crappiest car out of everyone in my department, even my juniors have far swankier cars than me. But its just the way of it and we all have to live within our means.

StrangeLookingParasite · 28/01/2018 21:40

his arguement is why didn't I check sooner so that he didn't get his hopes up

Muuuuuuuuuuu-uuuuum!

OutToGetYou · 28/01/2018 21:42

The purchase of a newer car does not need to be linked to the insurance renewal date, so that's a false deadline. It should be linked to when you need it or can afford it, nothing else.
Insurers will change mid year, it's not a problem.

NewPapaGuinea · 28/01/2018 21:44

but I am an additional driver on the insurance so I'm assuming my 12 years no claims bonus is bringing the price down

No claims bonus can only be used on one car, but having an experienced named driver on the policy will bring it down.

DiegoMadonna · 28/01/2018 21:45

his arguement is why didn't I check sooner so that he didn't get his hopes up

He sounds like a 12 year old. Ew.

Original poster

BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 21:46

more he smoked roll ups so a pack of tobacco used to last him a week ish and was £10 a pouch.

He's embarrassed about his inability to read/write. In absolutely anything to do with our lives he steps back and allows me to do it because he finds it so hard. I don't think that will ever change

OP posts:

Cindie943811A · 28/01/2018 21:48

Acknowledge his disappointment but tell him he was too ambitious and needs to wait a couple of years and then get a really reliable car he can afford and will enjoy driving. Can you get him a copy of What Car or similar and go over the basic facts re reliability/ suitability for your lifestyle etc. Stay away from diesel and ask your mechanic what brands of car he recommends as being reliable and easy to fix if anything goes wrong. He will have definite ideas about what cars are basically just expensive problems. Good luck

Original poster

BarryMoose · 28/01/2018 21:49

I admit I do mother him. His mum died when he was 18 and his father has never been a very good role model. When I met him he was in a pretty bad way with drink and drugs. I don't want to blow my own trumpet but I helped him overcome it all, he's now drink and drug free and has been for 10 years. So I suppose he looks to me as his Mother figure

OP posts:

Schlimbesserung · 28/01/2018 21:49

Does he have anything he can sell to put towards another car? Is he prepared to do some extra work on his days off to earn some extra cash? Or is he just expecting you to magic up the money?
I know it's harsh, but we all want stuff. It just isn't always possible. The best thing I ever did for my mental health was to accept that sometimes I just can't have what I want. And believe me, I really want a better car (and I haven't even passed my test yet!). However, until I can afford it and another more important expense doesn't come up, I will drive my crappy (but charming and reliable) Fiesta and be grateful.
Petulance isn't an attractive feature in a man.

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