School want a letter of apology

[GlassesOn]

My year six son got picked for his schools football team, the team train one day a week and sometimes have matches on those days too. (We all pay £30 per term).

The football coach is quite young, a bit impatient, never speaks to the parents, even after a match, quite dismissive when the boys try to talk to him and I’ve seen him mostly on his phone during training pausing to look up to comment how rubbish they’re are playing is one example.

There have been a few incidents that I haven’t been completely happy with and I told my son I didn’t want him to go back to the team after Christmas but he said he wanted to stay on the team because he had friends in the team etc

First day of January training my husband turns up to pick our son up at the Astro turf pitch (in the school) but no one was there... my husband was confused and went round the school to find them, as no notice had been given to us that training would be held in another place.

After 5 minutes, he found our son in the after school ‘kids club’ because training had finished early (for no reason we’ve heard yet,) he was placed in there as he wasn’t allowed to hang around on his own to wait for his dad, we were told we were being charged £10 for this.

My husband explained to the kids club manager about the training finishing early and if the training had finished at the advertised time on their website then our son wouldn’t have been put into kids club, she agreed to leave off the charge.

Last week my eldest picked her brother up and was told no training had taken place at all, as during the warm up some of the boys were laughing and joking and as punishment they had all been placed on benches in the playground and sat there for over an hour.

My daughter said my son was freezing cold and I phoned the kids club to clarify what had gone on as I was still at work.

I was advised to email a complaint as she wasn’t in charge of the after school clubs, just the kids club which I did.

I received a phone call the next afternoon while at work and got a barrage of attitude by the after school clubs manager, she told me she had investigated the incident throughly that the coach said the kids were acting like animals and put them on the bench until they were ready, I told her I would accept what you’re saying until I’ve spoken to my son again when I got home and if this was the case why didn’t he make them all run around or do some sort of physical exercise as their ‘punishment’? That’s what his old coach used to do if one of them played up, (run around the pitch 3 times etc as that soon made them calm down.“)

It was near freezing that evening and if I stuck my son in the garden for an hour and a half to sit on a bench as punishment I’m sure social services would be called by the school.

I then asked about the previous incident of the coach just packing up whenever he feel like it and she said reconsidering it now she would be charging us £10 for that, as my son wasn’t signed out until 4.50pm even though it took 5 mins for my husband to find where our son was as no note had been left to say training had finished early or moved to another area, but she didn’t want to discuss that.

The head teacher also pulled all the children into her office and told them that they are lying about the incident and it hadn’t been just giggling and that the coach said that they were really naughty.

They have been instructed to write a apology letter to the coach, they also miss their playtime on Monday and are barred from playing on the Astro turf pitch for the rest of term.

So even though all of them say it was just a bit of giggling they are being punished for weeks on end and that’s (after the original punishment of sitting in the cold) & missing their training. Oh and they’ve also being threatened by the head teacher that their year 6 PGL place may be taken away from them (we’ve paid nearly £400 for the trip).

It’s basically the boys word against the coach and the head teacher has decided that the kids are lying.

Am I being unreasonable to ask for clarity regarding the two incidents? I’ve told my son he isn’t going back to training but this time he is also okay with it.

Or should I just let it drop? WWYD?

Our school brings in outside coaches from a sports school for PE and after school sports clubs.
They also organise hockey/basketball etc on the playground at lunchtimes for kids who want to join in so that sports coach in the OP doesn't have to be a teacher to supervise on the pitch at lunchtimes.

Omit

I do not sit my child outside in near freezing temperatures as a punishment and I am sure if the school had heard of any parent using that as a punishment for their child, social services would be informed swiftly.

So why is acceptable when an adullt from your school does this?

And

Does calling children liars count as rights respecting? Or being punished again after being punished on Thursday by the football coach? I would be interested to know.

It comes across as aggressive. Simply ask them to explain how this fits with their behaviour and discipline policies.

The Head could call the police. That is very bad advice.

The Head could call the police, but it would be very unlikely, especially if the OP stayed calm and was firm without being abusive. At the very least it will mean someone has to come and speak with the OP to get the situation dealt with.

"I would like to see the HT to discuss some serious issues, including the safeguarding of my child, with regards to the after school sports coaching. I appreciate that the HT may be busy but this is important and I want this resolved today so I will wait here until the HT has time to speak to me. If this means I have to wait here all day, then so be it."

I don't care what the policies are, if my DD was left outside in the freezing cold for an hour (after previous issues with the same sports sessions) and then got hauled in and shouted at, I would want the issue resolving ASAP and would not be letting it drag on and I say this as a former primary teacher.

Seems fine to me except the bit about him being called a liar. You don't actually know he's not lying!
And it doesn't matter. No matter how difficult they were you can't make children sit still in near freezing temperatures for over an hour.

TheBrilliantmistake* the children were sat looking at him for an hour of course they noticed him on his phone.

I've even noticed it on the few occasions I've watched them train, the other parent bought it up to me on the phone today.

They are 10/11 year olds but they know what a phone is, they aren't blind.

And no I don't have it in for him (well, I do now) but yes he has definitely been naff for a while.

My son isn't returning to the coaching but I do want an explanation to the punishments dealt out.

Like I said above, they would soon call social services if they heard of any parent shoving their children in a cold garden as punishment. I would have dropped it if there hadn't been all the other threats and extra punishments. Enough is enough.

My husband is this coach in my DDs school. Never ever ever no matter how badly behaved the kids are has he ever I'm his many years of coaching done anything like this. Sounds like an inexperienced coach not knowing how to make the crime fit the punishment. And for the head to further punish them when they've already had an overdone one is ludicrous. Oh and I wouldn't be paying fees for a club I didn't book, would not have had to use if someone else had been doing their job properly and that charges £10 for minutes. My DD goes for 2 hours and it costs £7!!

I'd speak to the other parents and get a meeting with the head. 4 of DD's school friend's parents are in the police so I'd ask them to speak to the kids involved not as 'Inspector Smith' but as Jonny's dad/mum but they've got interviewing experience to get the truth out of the kids.

Oh DH is from an agency and they do supervise the kids at lunchtime before teaching them in the afternoon and then afterschool football club.

And in my DD's school I would just respond with "No thank you, I will wait here until the HT can see me today."

I had to do this once when my DD was being bullied by some other pupils not long after she had started at the school and they kept fobbing me off. After a particularly bad incident I went into the school and just sat in the office and when they realised I was not going to go away suddenly the HT found a window in her schedule to speak to me and we got the issue resolved quickly and amicably.

Most schools want to get issues dealt with quickly and efficiently so that parents don't escalate the issue further or start to discuss being brushed off with the other parents and start a bigger issue than they started with.

That's outrageous and it sounds like the coach hasn't got a clue.

I don't think that the punishment complies with school safeguarding rules and you could try raising that. Also, does your school let parents use their phones in the school grounds? Our Primary didn't, teachers and children were not allowed to either. That was also part of Safeguarding policy. So if the coach was looking at his phone, that might be a point you could raise.

We had a 'coach' who was a parent for after school hockey. They basically used the after school activity club as a way to train kids for the local hockey tournament. So kids who did not make the team were given 2 weeks out when the tournament was coming up. They got lots of complaints but did nothing. The 'coach' was in no way qualified, her own kids at the school were in the club even though one was younger than the specified age. The older of the 2 has anger issues and lost his temper in one session and snapped his hockey stick, but was not punished by being asked to leave the club. I can't imagine any other child who would have got away with this. The 'coach's' older child and his mate (Yr 7's at secondary) acted as additional helpers. Swearing constantly, as was the coach. I used to turn up 10 mins early and there was nearly always some kid injured. My son hurt his toe, the coach was shouting at her angry son and didn't see the incident. She told my son not to cry as it was nothing. His toenail was black and so was his toe.
I complained and got nowhere so he left the club. He'd got fed up of he favouritism and stress of the club anyway. Head teacher was basically, just prepared to let things ride as what was offered was free.

What I don’t understand is how you, as parents, have no idea what the status of this guy is. Our schools buy companies in to run clubs, help at playtimes and do PE lessons and, if an after school club is being run the letters make clear who they are, where they are from and what experience they have.

Does this guy have coaching qualifications I wonder. He he has FA ones they wouldn’t be happy about the way he was handling behaviour! Might be worth searching through newsletters from school to see if you can find any information about him.

Automatically labelling a group, or even one child a liar, and the adults as truth tellers is dangerous and totally wrong.

Whether or not the coach is a volunteer is irrelevant if he cannot do the job and interact successfully with the children involved it is a waste of everyone's time. Resorting to draconian punishments and grovelling apologies is ample evidence of his failure.

Under no circumstances do you punish several times for the one 'crime'.

TheBrilliantMistake
It sounds like he's a teacher if he's supervising the kids at lunch too!

doesn't mean that he is a teacher.

I'm sure if the op says it's urgent and is polite and willing to wait the hit will see her when they can. I have done this before and the ht didn't call the police - who would no doubt be delighted at being called out to deal with a perfectly calm mother waiting in the reception area of her child's school!
And it is urgent imo. The school are supporting the coach here so presumably they think his punishment was ok. I would want to be reassured it wasn't going to be used again.

I think most head teachers set out to build relationships with parents rather than get one over but with this one who knows!

Janey during the first incident...whoever isn't allowed to walk home by theirselves were taken to kids club (so I'd say half the group.)
Most of us live walking distance from the school so are happy to let their children come home, some have mobiles for this reason.

My son has done this on a few occasions in the summer but not in the winter yet, as someone can be there to pick him up (my husband or daughter).

Hence the reason he was placed into kids club along with the ones who don't go home alone.

By the sounds of things he's not great at 'behaviour management'.

One would expect a sports coach of a group of children to be 'great' at this. Unless we all believe that a group of children engaging in a competitive sport, running off some energy after a school day will behave absolutely impeccably. They may be cheeky, but I imagine that someone with great 'behaviour management' could deal with the whole thing far more appropriately. Maybe he is just not suitable for this particular job.

The LADO process (from the school perspective) is:

1. You become aware of a risk to a child from an employee, volunteer, or professional in your employ. You report your concerns to your Designated Officer at the earliest opportunity, who will then liaise with LADO. Every organisation should have a Designated Officer who deals with Safeguarding issues

1. LADO will work with you and the designated officer to decide; who the case needs to be referred to; if an initial action meeting is needed to discuss safeguarding issues; whether Human Resources need to be involved and what immediate action needs to be taken to make a child or children safe

1. LADO will consult wherever appropriate, with the police, children's social care team and the person’s line manager (if this is a different person from the referrer)

1. Following the initial discussions the LADO will either arrange an Initial Action meeting or record the case as advice given or no further action required

1. The Initial Action meeting brings together information and evidence to plan the investigation. This is a multi-agency meeting that will decide if there is a criminal offence that needs to be investigated by the police, whether a child is in need of protection or services, and if an employer needs to consider disciplinary action against the individual

1. The LADO co-ordinates the investigations and reviews the actions as necessary. They record all the information and actions ensuring where necessary that individuals are reported to regulatory bodies.

Honestly, this process is for pretty serious allegations of abuse or danger, not the messy co-ordination of a football team and questionable punishment option chosen by this guy.
Such is the urgency of LADO, a school is required to initiate this process with 24 hours.

This really is not grounds for LADO, it's a matter that can be resolved with the school, not a child protection swat team.

He could be a male dinner lady if he is supervising at lunchtime.

Yes, but how many male dinner ladies also run the school football team?
We don't know, but I can't imagine it's many.