School want a letter of apology

[GlassesOn]

My year six son got picked for his schools football team, the team train one day a week and sometimes have matches on those days too. (We all pay £30 per term).

The football coach is quite young, a bit impatient, never speaks to the parents, even after a match, quite dismissive when the boys try to talk to him and I’ve seen him mostly on his phone during training pausing to look up to comment how rubbish they’re are playing is one example.

There have been a few incidents that I haven’t been completely happy with and I told my son I didn’t want him to go back to the team after Christmas but he said he wanted to stay on the team because he had friends in the team etc

First day of January training my husband turns up to pick our son up at the Astro turf pitch (in the school) but no one was there... my husband was confused and went round the school to find them, as no notice had been given to us that training would be held in another place.

After 5 minutes, he found our son in the after school ‘kids club’ because training had finished early (for no reason we’ve heard yet,) he was placed in there as he wasn’t allowed to hang around on his own to wait for his dad, we were told we were being charged £10 for this.

My husband explained to the kids club manager about the training finishing early and if the training had finished at the advertised time on their website then our son wouldn’t have been put into kids club, she agreed to leave off the charge.

Last week my eldest picked her brother up and was told no training had taken place at all, as during the warm up some of the boys were laughing and joking and as punishment they had all been placed on benches in the playground and sat there for over an hour.

My daughter said my son was freezing cold and I phoned the kids club to clarify what had gone on as I was still at work.

I was advised to email a complaint as she wasn’t in charge of the after school clubs, just the kids club which I did.

I received a phone call the next afternoon while at work and got a barrage of attitude by the after school clubs manager, she told me she had investigated the incident throughly that the coach said the kids were acting like animals and put them on the bench until they were ready, I told her I would accept what you’re saying until I’ve spoken to my son again when I got home and if this was the case why didn’t he make them all run around or do some sort of physical exercise as their ‘punishment’? That’s what his old coach used to do if one of them played up, (run around the pitch 3 times etc as that soon made them calm down.“)

It was near freezing that evening and if I stuck my son in the garden for an hour and a half to sit on a bench as punishment I’m sure social services would be called by the school.

I then asked about the previous incident of the coach just packing up whenever he feel like it and she said reconsidering it now she would be charging us £10 for that, as my son wasn’t signed out until 4.50pm even though it took 5 mins for my husband to find where our son was as no note had been left to say training had finished early or moved to another area, but she didn’t want to discuss that.

The head teacher also pulled all the children into her office and told them that they are lying about the incident and it hadn’t been just giggling and that the coach said that they were really naughty.

They have been instructed to write a apology letter to the coach, they also miss their playtime on Monday and are barred from playing on the Astro turf pitch for the rest of term.

So even though all of them say it was just a bit of giggling they are being punished for weeks on end and that’s (after the original punishment of sitting in the cold) & missing their training. Oh and they’ve also being threatened by the head teacher that their year 6 PGL place may be taken away from them (we’ve paid nearly £400 for the trip).

It’s basically the boys word against the coach and the head teacher has decided that the kids are lying.

Am I being unreasonable to ask for clarity regarding the two incidents? I’ve told my son he isn’t going back to training but this time he is also okay with it.

Or should I just let it drop? WWYD?

Following this OP, would love to hear how this turns out.... I'm really rooting for you and your boy and that he gets a fair outcome from this

Quite shocking that as a teacher you think that leaving kids sat for an hour in freezing temperatures is doing hem a favour!

Penggwn. You may have bought the children in for the punishment. He didn't. He made them sit still outside in the cold for over an hour.

That is not an acceptable thing for an adult in charge of children to do.

You said the volunteer was doing a favour. How is abusing children in your care doing anyone a favour?

Did the coach stay outside with them for the 'over an hour'? An hour of inactivity in the freezing cold just sitting with a group of children seems such an uncomfortable punishment for the coach himself. I'm surprised he made that choice. He was punishing himself as much as them!

But it's not a favour if that's how he's going about it - he's a liability!
I wouldn't be doing my kids school a favour if I volunteered to listen to he children read and went in and abused them would I? Duh!

No you are entirely missing the point banging on about the poor old coach being cheeked and completely ignoring the fact he has been abusive to the children in his care as if that isn't, undeniably, the main issue.

I wouldn't bother Blue Mirror.

After speaking to the other parent today (and I've had an email from the other parent to say she is not happy and us calling me to discuss this evening.)

The same thing happened to her on the day of the kids club incident, she turned up, couldn't find her son, didn't know where kids club had been moved to so wandered around the school, found someone in the office who said he had been collected by his dad even though she had just spoken to the dad and he definitely hadn't.
Cue much panic as to where her son was and he was found in kids club, I didn't ask her if she was charged £10 though.. but it proves to me that first incident was out of order on its own.

The second incident, yes the coach stayed out there with the boys but was dressed in appropriate cold weather clothing as he wouldn't have been running around like the children would have been. Oh and yes spent most of his time checking his phone.

Pengggwn - yes, the head could. But if it's kept reasonable and not threatening, I doubt it. At worst, SLT would probably intercept. Yes, I work in a school. My kids go to another. If I had my kids being treated this way, I'd be sat waiting for the head. If i didn't get joy there, it'd be elevated to governor's or higher... And I'm the mild parent on the grand scheme. I'd be bloody livid.

This is getting to be like Chinese whispers and things being exaggerated or misrepresented.
The OP already paints a negative picture of this coach which can be read two ways - as a bit of a grudge against him to start with, or that he's been naff for a while!

We can't be sure how bad the behaviour was - it ranges from 'having a bit of a laugh' to 'behaving like animals'. We're told the headteacher has expressly called them liars (which would be unusual).

It's all a bit 'hyper'!

I think the OP's got some very valid concerns about sessions finishing early and the communications to parents etc, and those should be addressed, but the rest... just feels a bit alarmist (based on the limited info we have).

I personally couldn't go anywhere near the LADO (safeguarding) concerns until I knew a hell of a lot more about the actual circumstances. We're talking career ending stuff here and the primary purpose of LADO is to address allegations of serious threats to harm or abuse, not a potentially stroppy coach badly handling a bunch of kids pratting about.

If you work with children in a voluntary capacity or otherwise you will encounter poor behaviour. It's no excuse for abuse. Most people are, rightly, concentrating on the main issue which is an adult abusing the children in his care.
I also have no wish to further engage with a 'teacher' such as yourself who seems to think child abuse is a side issue. And the inverted commas are because you communicate in the style of a cheeky teenage boy which is odd considering how awful you consider that kind of behaviour.

I am completely lost as to who is sat watching this guy 'spending most of his time on his phone'. One minute people are turning up to collect their kids, the next, they've been sat watching him all session to notice he's not been supervising them adequately.

It's all hyperbole, I'm out!

Dear coach,

Sorry for joking at football.

From Ben

Job done. Don’t play any football at school. He’ll leave the school in six months, why would you even bother getting into this?

Would you not? Oh. The head at my kids school is quite happy to. And at my school, unless there's a threat or imminent danger, I doubt a parent would be ignored or rejected with what sounds not entirely unlike a safeguarding concern. Possibly I would advise you not to consider a career higher up in a school with your attitude. Kids can be very tough, but regardless, their safety and well-being is paramount, or it bloody should be.

@TheBrilliantMistake it actually is LADO territory though. Speaking as somebody whose role it is to chair LADO meetings. I hate the attitude some people have about 'this could impact on their career', thereby prioritising the needs of the adult above the children. If the LADO finds that no further action needs to be taken, fine, but it needs to be investigated via the correct route.

My email and I've printed it out to hand in tomorrow is below:

I am writing with concern regarding the current football coach employed by your school.

I would like to make a formal complaint about two recent incidents, the first was the (football coach) A decided to finish training early on the 11th of January without informing any of the parents, when my husband arrived at the school to collect our son at 4.45pm, the football pitch was empty and no one was there (adults or children.)

My husband looked for B (our son) but as kids club is no longer held in the usual place and we hadn’t arranged or informed B that he would be going to kids club, my husband became concerned he may have tried going home on his own after the coaching finished early, as we sometimes allow B to do this with prior arrangement.

My husband eventually found B after 5 minutes of looking and asked him why he was there and was told by B that coaching had finished early for no explainable reason and as he wasn’t allowed to hang around on his own he was placed into ‘kid’s club’ and we were told we would be charged for this, despite football coaching not supposed to be finished until 4.45pm as it states on the school website which I have copied and pasted from the school website below.

Football Team
3.30 - 4.45 pm Thursday Years 5 - 6
£30
Fully booked for the whole term Thursday 11th January 2018

The next incident took place on the 25th of January, due to some disruption while warming up A punished the children by making them sit on the benches in the playground and sat them there for over an hour in the cold and no training took place.

I have one story from the children that were there and another story from C (after school clubs manager) who rang me on the 26th of January and said it was all the children’s fault and they were behaving appallingly so says the football coach.

If the children were indeed behaving in such a way, why weren’t any parents of the children contacted during the hour and 15 minutes that they were under the care of this adult?

What is the policy in this situation?

Sitting 10 and 11-year-old children in the freezing January cold smacks of draconian punishment especially as the low temperature recorded yesterday evening was 4°C.
I agree to punishments in school for bad behaviour, I have supported the school when B has received warnings etc by banning him from his screen time at home and his behaviour improves.

I do not sit my child outside in near freezing temperatures as a punishment and I am sure if the school had heard of any parent using that as a punishment for their child, social services would be informed swiftly.

So why is acceptable when an adult from your school does this?

My son has now informed us that the whole team have been placed in a detention on Monday and was called a liar in front of his peers while explaining what happened during the incident on Thursday which concerns me, as the school states on their website and I quote "received our Recognition of Commitment award towards being fully recognised as a Rights Respecting School!"

Does calling children liars count as rights respecting? Or being punished again after being punished on Thursday by the football coach? I would be interested to know.

I am planning on emailing this and handing this in to the headmistress as advised in your complaints procedure which I intend to follow through with thoroughly.

I don't think it makes any difference if he is paid or a volunteer. As a coach he has a certain role to play. However I don't think it is right that he should be doing this alone with presumably 12 or more children. What if one was injured?