School want a letter of apology

[GlassesOn]

My year six son got picked for his schools football team, the team train one day a week and sometimes have matches on those days too. (We all pay £30 per term).

The football coach is quite young, a bit impatient, never speaks to the parents, even after a match, quite dismissive when the boys try to talk to him and I’ve seen him mostly on his phone during training pausing to look up to comment how rubbish they’re are playing is one example.

There have been a few incidents that I haven’t been completely happy with and I told my son I didn’t want him to go back to the team after Christmas but he said he wanted to stay on the team because he had friends in the team etc

First day of January training my husband turns up to pick our son up at the Astro turf pitch (in the school) but no one was there... my husband was confused and went round the school to find them, as no notice had been given to us that training would be held in another place.

After 5 minutes, he found our son in the after school ‘kids club’ because training had finished early (for no reason we’ve heard yet,) he was placed in there as he wasn’t allowed to hang around on his own to wait for his dad, we were told we were being charged £10 for this.

My husband explained to the kids club manager about the training finishing early and if the training had finished at the advertised time on their website then our son wouldn’t have been put into kids club, she agreed to leave off the charge.

Last week my eldest picked her brother up and was told no training had taken place at all, as during the warm up some of the boys were laughing and joking and as punishment they had all been placed on benches in the playground and sat there for over an hour.

My daughter said my son was freezing cold and I phoned the kids club to clarify what had gone on as I was still at work.

I was advised to email a complaint as she wasn’t in charge of the after school clubs, just the kids club which I did.

I received a phone call the next afternoon while at work and got a barrage of attitude by the after school clubs manager, she told me she had investigated the incident throughly that the coach said the kids were acting like animals and put them on the bench until they were ready, I told her I would accept what you’re saying until I’ve spoken to my son again when I got home and if this was the case why didn’t he make them all run around or do some sort of physical exercise as their ‘punishment’? That’s what his old coach used to do if one of them played up, (run around the pitch 3 times etc as that soon made them calm down.“)

It was near freezing that evening and if I stuck my son in the garden for an hour and a half to sit on a bench as punishment I’m sure social services would be called by the school.

I then asked about the previous incident of the coach just packing up whenever he feel like it and she said reconsidering it now she would be charging us £10 for that, as my son wasn’t signed out until 4.50pm even though it took 5 mins for my husband to find where our son was as no note had been left to say training had finished early or moved to another area, but she didn’t want to discuss that.

The head teacher also pulled all the children into her office and told them that they are lying about the incident and it hadn’t been just giggling and that the coach said that they were really naughty.

They have been instructed to write a apology letter to the coach, they also miss their playtime on Monday and are barred from playing on the Astro turf pitch for the rest of term.

So even though all of them say it was just a bit of giggling they are being punished for weeks on end and that’s (after the original punishment of sitting in the cold) & missing their training. Oh and they’ve also being threatened by the head teacher that their year 6 PGL place may be taken away from them (we’ve paid nearly £400 for the trip).

It’s basically the boys word against the coach and the head teacher has decided that the kids are lying.

Am I being unreasonable to ask for clarity regarding the two incidents? I’ve told my son he isn’t going back to training but this time he is also okay with it.

Or should I just let it drop? WWYD?

He could be filling in time before going to University; however, this is all speculation.

Penggwn - I don't think it makes a difference if he is a professional coach or a volunteer. The school should have made sure that he should be able to manage them in an appropriate way.

@TheBrilliantMistake it bloody well is grounds for a LADO meeting. Are you a Local Authority Designated Officer? No? Wind your neck in then, thanks.

How worrying that some people wouldn't consider these incidents being serious, and would discourage parents from reporting them.

I deal with facts, not internet allegations.
I don't make assumptions as you are doing about other's careers. You have no clue who or what I am, so not jump to conclusions.

I would not want anybody on my team that made assumptions like this.

A bit of giggling and then one smart arsed quip from an eleven year old is not "behaving like animals" and making children sit outside for an hour, in freezing conditions is beyond outrageous.

There would be no behaviour that would warrant that punishment. If they had been swearing, physically and/or verbally abusive to the coach and/or each other, then training should have been cancelled and parents notified to come and collect and immediately informed of their child's behaviour from the adult. The Head then would have been right to address the behaviour and dish out appropriate punishments, but this is ridiculous and excessively punitive.

If a coach can't handle a bit of dicking about by pre-adolescents, then they shouldn't be in the job. The coach at our school was pretty crap to begin with (good at sports but no experience in dealing with children), he's improved over the last three years although I'm still occasionally a bit at some of his responses to what I would deem normal but irritating behaviour from children, however, I can live with it. If he did this I wouldn't hesitate to take it up with the Head though and then take it to the governors if I wasn't listened to.

All bad behaviour should be addressed, including back chat, but adults need to be able to keep it in perspective - it seems there are a few at your school who are unable to do this.

I did not say they should not be reported. Do not put words into my mouth. It is right and proper that the issue is taken up with the school, this is the correct procedure.
Any sensible Headteacher would not consider this an immediate safeguarding issue, it's an upset parent concerned about the way an after school activity is being handled. She doesn't believe this man is some abuser, or that he's a serious threat to safety.
Yes she has some safety concerns about the process, and that's fine, but really, good grief, it's something that can be resolved fairly easily.

Penggwn. Yes, I agree with most of that, although, as you have rightly pointed out, we don't know which side is giving the correct facts, so it may not be a case of 'very' poor behaviour.

Penggwn I question the kind of school you work at where the HT's first instinct when a parent is insisting on speaking with them is to phone the police and then just purposely ignore them and be patronising! Thought that would explain why your attitude to anyone daring to question the school's authority and "the rules" regardless of the reason.

Most HTs recognize that a parent being insistent about seeing them is not a normal occurrence (and if it is then the school has more issues than just safeguarding and OTT punishments in extra curricular sports clubs!) and they should want to work with the parent to get their issue dealt with quickly. I doubt there is any HT in the country who does not have any flexibility whatsoever to adjust their daily schedule to accommodate a parent who is concerned enough to want to see them so urgently.

Even if they just took 10 minutes for the OP to explain the situation and the HT to say they will investigate etc and then asked the OP to make an appointment for the following week, that shows the OP that the school is taking the issue seriously and wants to work with her to deal with the situation. Most parents would be happy with that, whereas if the HT ignored me or called the police, I would be even more incensed and would take my complaint to anyone and everyone who would listen, just out of principle!

I agree, most HT's would address the parental concern as soon as they possibly could, especially if the upset parent is already the premises.

I think they'd listen with a sympathetic ear, but try to ascertain the actual facts that 'my little Billy's been sat in the cold for 1 hour' when it may have been 10 minutes. Or 'my husband turned up precisely on time' when it was actually 10 minutes after etc.

We are simply speculating on one lady's concern which is very understandable, but also littered with dramatic adjectives and an air of prejudgment about this man already being a bit naff rather than addressing only the specific incident.
Allegations of looking at his phone most of the time just ring of exaggeration, as to know this, one would have to have observed it for the full period of time right? In which case one wouldn't have to be asking the children about it, they'd have witnessed it with their own eyes.

I'm in complete agreement with the OP about schedule and location changes being communicated to parents, and concerned about allegations of sitting in the cold for 1 hour. But, it's one side of a story, and all we are ever really likely to hear.

If the HT's calling children liars (a word very few good HT's would ever use with a child) then there's cause for concern - but again, it 'sounds' a little exaggerated.

As other professionals have said. The school will have behavior policy which is written and agreed by staff and governors. this will be signed off and dated. You need to establish if the school have followed their own policy.
So, Regarding the punishment, did this staff member (contracted in or permanent staff member) follow the school behavior policy? ( I would suggest that you will find they haven't, can't imagine that agreed policy will be 'if child is rude sit them outside on a bench for an hour!)

It is very simple to determine if they have acted correctly by asking for a copy of the policy, it may be on the school website.
What is the school policy is for dealing with behavior?
Did the school staff, including the Ht follow this?
If not, why not?

Then follow the school complaints procedure which will be speak to Ht, if this isn't resolved then a complaint to be investigated by the governing body. If the complaint is about the HT then you can go straight to the governors. Again there will be a written complaints procedure set out for this. ( on the school website).

Ofsted won't be interested until you have done this.

The school should also have a behavior log. This records all incidents. Have they recorded this incident?
Have they recorded others?
Have they analyzed the behavior log?
This may show that there are other incidents with the coach which they will need to address.
Certainly when we are inspected Ofsted expect to see these logs and changes that have been made to address any repeated incidents.

Be calm, professional and go through the steps to address the issue.

'All guns blazing, complaints that diverge from the main points and any personal comments really don't help the process, which is in place to ensure fairness.

I have seen upset parents, and it's common for them to hit staff with a barrage of allegations, many of which are totally unrelated to the actual incident... i.e. 'and he's always late for work, because another mother has seen him arrive late', and 'and last year, Mrs Jones said he did a poor job with her son' etc
Headteachers have this so often, it can be a nightmare.

A classic line.. 'My little Tommy wouldn't hurt a fly, or he'd get a thick ear!'. I am not saying that's the case here btw, just an example of a typical school day!
Or 'why have you kept my Tommy in school for 30 mins when I told him to walk home?' - because Mrs Smith, you didn't tell US that.

Pengggwn of course analysis of behavior logs would also show individual pupil behavior overtime too.

I doubt the head teacher said "kids you're liars" - but it would have been clear from what she said that she didn't believe their account wouldn't it? I imagine 10-11 yr olds will know when they're being called liars without it being spelled out.

Not sure where people have got the idea coach was a volunteer. If they are why is the club paid for? Seems more likely the charge is to pay the coach. £30 per term * a dozen or so kids would be about right for covering that.

So far we have a completely vague "behaving like animals" from the coach and a "thorough investigation" from the club's coordinator that seems to have consisted only of asking the coach what happened. I definitely think finding out more from the school as to what was supposed to have happened could shed more light on things.

We just don't know what this guy is.
He might be a teacher and 'volunteering' to do this extra curricular activity, and the money is covering sports equipment, not his wages.
He might be hired in from some outside agency, and it's covering his wages.

We've no clue.

However, the OP said he supervises the kids at lunchtime too, which doesn't sound like a hired football coach, but more like a teacher doing playground duty.

We've no clue!

Yes, but it's rare they are both the lunchtime supervisor and the sportscoach.
It's possible, just not so common (at least I don't think it is!)

I think you need to add some of the excellent points made by melj and Ninano about school policies to your email. Keep it factual, this happened which led to this, and keep each point seperate.