School want a letter of apology

[GlassesOn]

My year six son got picked for his schools football team, the team train one day a week and sometimes have matches on those days too. (We all pay £30 per term).

The football coach is quite young, a bit impatient, never speaks to the parents, even after a match, quite dismissive when the boys try to talk to him and I’ve seen him mostly on his phone during training pausing to look up to comment how rubbish they’re are playing is one example.

There have been a few incidents that I haven’t been completely happy with and I told my son I didn’t want him to go back to the team after Christmas but he said he wanted to stay on the team because he had friends in the team etc

First day of January training my husband turns up to pick our son up at the Astro turf pitch (in the school) but no one was there... my husband was confused and went round the school to find them, as no notice had been given to us that training would be held in another place.

After 5 minutes, he found our son in the after school ‘kids club’ because training had finished early (for no reason we’ve heard yet,) he was placed in there as he wasn’t allowed to hang around on his own to wait for his dad, we were told we were being charged £10 for this.

My husband explained to the kids club manager about the training finishing early and if the training had finished at the advertised time on their website then our son wouldn’t have been put into kids club, she agreed to leave off the charge.

Last week my eldest picked her brother up and was told no training had taken place at all, as during the warm up some of the boys were laughing and joking and as punishment they had all been placed on benches in the playground and sat there for over an hour.

My daughter said my son was freezing cold and I phoned the kids club to clarify what had gone on as I was still at work.

I was advised to email a complaint as she wasn’t in charge of the after school clubs, just the kids club which I did.

I received a phone call the next afternoon while at work and got a barrage of attitude by the after school clubs manager, she told me she had investigated the incident throughly that the coach said the kids were acting like animals and put them on the bench until they were ready, I told her I would accept what you’re saying until I’ve spoken to my son again when I got home and if this was the case why didn’t he make them all run around or do some sort of physical exercise as their ‘punishment’? That’s what his old coach used to do if one of them played up, (run around the pitch 3 times etc as that soon made them calm down.“)

It was near freezing that evening and if I stuck my son in the garden for an hour and a half to sit on a bench as punishment I’m sure social services would be called by the school.

I then asked about the previous incident of the coach just packing up whenever he feel like it and she said reconsidering it now she would be charging us £10 for that, as my son wasn’t signed out until 4.50pm even though it took 5 mins for my husband to find where our son was as no note had been left to say training had finished early or moved to another area, but she didn’t want to discuss that.

The head teacher also pulled all the children into her office and told them that they are lying about the incident and it hadn’t been just giggling and that the coach said that they were really naughty.

They have been instructed to write a apology letter to the coach, they also miss their playtime on Monday and are barred from playing on the Astro turf pitch for the rest of term.

So even though all of them say it was just a bit of giggling they are being punished for weeks on end and that’s (after the original punishment of sitting in the cold) & missing their training. Oh and they’ve also being threatened by the head teacher that their year 6 PGL place may be taken away from them (we’ve paid nearly £400 for the trip).

It’s basically the boys word against the coach and the head teacher has decided that the kids are lying.

Am I being unreasonable to ask for clarity regarding the two incidents? I’ve told my son he isn’t going back to training but this time he is also okay with it.

Or should I just let it drop? WWYD?

Of course children should listen to the coach, FGS. But he has to follow some standards and procedure too. Or the school/his agency could help him set some. It's not black and white that either the children lied or he is useless so let the gets give hom hell. And if he uses his mobile it's not acceptable.

I am glad the OP seems quite sensible. I remember a thread where all the "evidence" showed the OP's husband, according to her account at least, was most probably cheating. The mob mentality helped as well and she went off the handle when she confronted her DH. It turned out that he had a very innocent explanation.

The school calling them liars in advance does not seem good in my opinion. Not just for the DC confidence. There will always be parents who will use this as an excuse to demonise the school and teachers and play the victims as their DC are precious little angels and will use this as a free pass to ignore the rules from now on. Teachers have to be careful as either way they can always lose.

Winchester, I completely get what you were saying earlier this morning and sorry you were upset And no, you didn't derail the thread. I feel that your own experience of not being believed by a teacher and how it still affects you now is an extremely important contribution to the thread.

Pengggwn

You again

You always pop up on these threads with an identical stance. Did you join Mumsnet purely to defend the actions of teachers and schools? Or do you actually consider each thread individually?

well it's either the coach who is lying, or the children.

In my opinion, a group of year 5-6 children can be very disruptive, not following instructions, and it's your choice to believe the coach/school or children. I know who I would believe and I would get my son to write a letter of apology.

^I am an excellent teacher.

I’m sure you are, according to you.

Teachers who are immediately anti-parent and “kids are liars” are not excellent teachers, IMO.

So, no, you’re not an excellent teacher.

Two different perspectives, I suppose.

Pengggyn - wow, just read some if your post and seriously wow.

I think you've missed your safeguarding training. It's required by law that you have it at least twice a year so should be up to date but clearly you're not.

If your a teacher your school has fails both your pupils and you. You should address this immediately.

No, you’re not interested in anyone who is disagreeing with your stomping all over the OP, calling her son a liar, and who doesn’t bow down and worship at the alter of teachers.

Out of interest what are you interested in, Peng?

Posts that agree with you?

Pen -
Your attitude is what brings my proffesion into disrepute

I hope Pengggyn isn't teaching primary.

I teach secondary. I reckon kids at my school would definitely deal with her just fine

I certainly don't think it's yours

Never known a teacher post in here like you

Okay I keep getting email notifications that I can't ignore.
Dear god I hope my manager isn't a mumsnetter sorry if I missed the question pengggwn can you clarify what it is.
As I may be overlooking it.. apologies.

They can't give teachers the responsibility of a class, including their safety, their education and their behaviour, then treat the adults and the children as equals. It simply wouldn't work

It did at my school. Not exactly equal - there was acknowledgement of experience, responsibilities, etc, but the school operated under the rule of law, and all were subject to it, staff or student.

The original headmaster once had a complaint brought against him for dangerous driving (this was in the 50s or 60s), and was fined by the school court (the usual way that matters were deal with, in addition to fines levied by staff or prefects). He paid, in cash, on the spot. The fact that he applied the same rules and standards to himself and his staff as to the students was why he was so respected. This is not to say that there was no misbehaviour - it was a special needs school, and misbehaviour would not be unexpected even if it wasn't - but there was respect. We respected the staff as people, as well as for their position, all the more so because they did not try to claim that their post made them special.

They are 11. What 11 year olds dont sometimes have the odd fit of giggling? Hell, I still get them and I'm a long way away from school age!

If they're going to go nuclear over kids acting like kids then something is very wrong.

Sweetie - I don't agree with Peng (again, as usual; my opinion is that she comes on to disagree with everyone just because...)
BUT - your point would be better made if you knew the difference between your and you're, and could spell profession.

As a teacher.