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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hen weekend costing more and more each day

128 replies

Dawn1992 · 27/01/2018 10:11

Hi. My bfs hen do is next month and the cost of it seems to be growing arms and legs. Especially down to the fact that I'm also a bridesmaid. My bf doesn't know about it as she's not part of the planning it's a surprise. She would be very unhappy about the costs I can assure you. The bridesmaids have had to pay for people who have pulled out to cover the cost of the house for the weekend. Now the other bridesmaids are demanding another £40pp for alcohol and food. I'm happy to pay £20 for food costs but they all know I'm pregnant and will not be drinking but are still expecting me to pay for alcohol.. aibu to refuse? I've also refused to pay for a mini bus as I will not be on it. I live 20 mins away from where the house is so I'm driving down on my own. If I were to get the mini bus I would have to drive 45mins in the opposite direction to leave my car then spend over an hour on the bus (which the brides not even going to be on as she's going in the car with her mum) I'm just getting really ticked off at the whole thing!!

OP posts:

ShirleyPhallus · 27/01/2018 10:16

Just say you’ll pay for your own bits - you’ll make your own way there and won’t be paying for alcohol as you’re pregant

This is zero drama, don’t let it be

NewYearNewMe18 · 27/01/2018 10:16

I simply wouldn't go. End of.

Original poster

Dawn1992 · 27/01/2018 10:20

That's the thing I've already said I won't be drinking and that I'll pay for my own bits and they think it's "unfair that I'm getting away with not paying for alcohol" I've kept my mouth shut so far but it's getting increasingly difficult

OP posts:

waterrat · 27/01/2018 10:22

In these situations people always go along with it but feel annoyed - why don't you send a message to the whole group saying 'Hey it seems costs are going up shall we have a re-think?'

How many days does 40 quid of food and drink cover?

If you aren't drinking it's ridiculous to pay for alcohol. They should also just be able to spend less so it's not like anyone will have to cover you.

Just say no about the bus and alcohol.

alternatively people could all bring some drink to stop the big pot of money going up.

PercyPigAddict · 27/01/2018 10:23

You're being entirely reasonble, and don't let anyone tell you any different! How on earth can they think you're "getting away with not paying for alcohol," when you won't be drinking any? Idiots.

Violletta · 27/01/2018 10:30

"unfair that I'm getting away with not paying for alcohol"

not paying for the alcohol you're not drinking... fucking liberty!!

Kiki275 · 27/01/2018 10:30

Hindsight's a wonderful thing, but next time ensure deposits are taken for accommodation. You really shouldn't be paying for people who have backed out.

Perhaps offer to bring some gin or some bubbles for the bride (especially if like me you got bought loads for xmas as no-one knew I was expecting). Then even if you're not drinking, you are still entering the spirit of the thing. Bringing surprise things will also help - I made vodka jellies for a hen do in a cottage and they went down a treat.

Enjoy it, your BF will love it x

user1494849703 · 27/01/2018 10:30

These things can turn into a nightmare but I think you need to stop keeping your mouth shut and tell them you won't be paying for alcohol as you won't be drinking and same with the minibus as you won't be using it. Sounds like the others might be worried about the costs as well.

Is it possible to change venue to something smaller and cheaper?

McTufty · 27/01/2018 10:32

Sounds like the other BMs are ridiculous. Of course you shouldn’t have to pay for alcohol.

Also though, people who have committed to attend and then pull out should still pay their share, assuming no one here was foolish enough to book the accommodation without a firm commitment from the number of people they were booking for.

Original poster

Dawn1992 · 27/01/2018 10:37

It's too late to change as it's all booked and paid for it's just we had to make up the shortfall which was another £25 each. As I'm not drinking I'm taking cakes. I'm baking them the day before so I defo won't be turning up empty handed. I've spoken to the brides mum this morning about the alcohol issue and she doesn't see why they want me to pay. She's not happy with how much they're asking. 12 girls paying £40 for food and alcohol for 2 days is ridiculous. One of the days were going out for lunch as arranged with brides mum so I have no idea where the rest of the money's going.

OP posts:

mysteryfairy · 27/01/2018 10:38

You should probably make a token contribution to the bride's alcohol if you are all paying for her.

Trills · 27/01/2018 10:39

If she would not be happy if she knew about it I would just TELL her about the plans that were being made.

The surprise aspect is not set in stone.

ChocolateButton15 · 27/01/2018 10:40

Just stick to your guns and ignore the digs. Don't pay for alcohol you wont be drinking, if they mention it not being fair say "I don't think it's fair you expect me to subsidise your alcohol when I'm pregnant". It's ridiculous they want you to pay for a mini bus and alcohol you wont use. Chip in for food or bring some with you.

McTufty · 27/01/2018 10:41

Am I understanding correctly that the food and alcohol budget is £480 for 2 days?!

NewYearNewMe18 · 27/01/2018 10:41

Again, I simply wouldn't go. Feign illness if you feel you must save face.

ChocolateButton15 · 27/01/2018 10:42

£480 for food for 12 people sounds a lot, sounds like they might be trying to get others to cover their costs so they don't have to chip in!

Peanutbuttercheese · 27/01/2018 10:42

The people that agreed to go along should still pay, the bridesmaids should request payment instead of being walked over like doormats.

I would have asked for money before booking and not just a deposit, the amount in full. It's the reason I loathe massive get togethers of people that are loosely connected when a big joint expense is required to participate.

No you shouldn't pay for the alcohol at all, do you know the other bridesmaids very well?

Original poster

Dawn1992 · 27/01/2018 10:44

Yes 480 for 2 days. One of the days were out all afternoon. Brides mum has just came to the group chat and said absolutely not. No one is paying for alcohol we bring our own if we're drinking and she wants it reduced to £10 per head for food to get an asda shop delivered for us arriving. She's not a happy bunny

OP posts:

AnathemaPulsifer · 27/01/2018 10:45

You may need to contribute to the brides alcohol but of course they won’t need to buy any for you and you shouldn’t have to pay for that. Or the minibus you’re not using!

Who is buying all this food and alcohol?? Surely it’s impossible to get through that much - what will happen to money not spent?

AnathemaPulsifer · 27/01/2018 10:46

Crossposted. I like the bride’s Mum!

Peanutbuttercheese · 27/01/2018 10:49

Hurray for the Brides Mum.

Allthewaves · 27/01/2018 10:49

Go brides mum. Sounds like she has it in hand now

c75kp0r · 27/01/2018 10:51

Yes you are in this position partly because others have pulled out - (possibly when the penny dropped about how expensive it was going to be, so I imagine they aren’t going to be happy to pay in full) but maybe they could still contribute something as it isn’t fair to leave everyone else picking up the bill for their unused place.

Original poster

Dawn1992 · 27/01/2018 10:51

I feel like a young child who's ran to the teacher but I don't care it was getting out of hand and they were not listening to reason. I suspect I'll not be flavour of the month but I don't really care. They were asking for ridiculous money!

OP posts:

Spadequeen · 27/01/2018 10:52

Well done that brides mum. Good for her and good for you for standing g up for yourself and saying no

Honestly, when did stag and hen do’s stop being a nice meal/ pub crawl?

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