Hen weekend costing more and more each day

[Dawn1992]

Hi. My bfs hen do is next month and the cost of it seems to be growing arms and legs. Especially down to the fact that I'm also a bridesmaid. My bf doesn't know about it as she's not part of the planning it's a surprise. She would be very unhappy about the costs I can assure you. The bridesmaids have had to pay for people who have pulled out to cover the cost of the house for the weekend. Now the other bridesmaids are demanding another £40pp for alcohol and food. I'm happy to pay £20 for food costs but they all know I'm pregnant and will not be drinking but are still expecting me to pay for alcohol.. aibu to refuse? I've also refused to pay for a mini bus as I will not be on it. I live 20 mins away from where the house is so I'm driving down on my own. If I were to get the mini bus I would have to drive 45mins in the opposite direction to leave my car then spend over an hour on the bus (which the brides not even going to be on as she's going in the car with her mum) I'm just getting really ticked off at the whole thing!!

Totally agree though I imagine a lot of it is drink!

(Driving at 11am doesn't mean you can't drink the night before that's daft!) Obviously don't go mad but it's not exactly 6am.

I do wander whether OP you just feel a bit left out of the organising given they're planning your bf hendo and it's going to be a bit boozy and you can't drink etc? I may be clutching at straws but it just seems a lot of trouble has been caused over something that's not that big a deal. I do hope the bride doesn't hear any of this

Why would you pay for alcohol you won’t be consuming? Also you definitely don’t need to pay for transport you wont be using I think if you are taking homemade cakes/goodies that’s enough. Perhaps take a bottle of Prosecco for the bride. I don’t know why hen dos have to be so expensive and complicated these days.

"I don’t know why hen dos have to be so expensive and complicated these days."

I agree. Although it is because people don't put their foot down and say no to the excess.

I wish the hen do I'm going on soon has a sensible mother of the bride .

I think people have the best of intentions but the get caught up in what the bride deserves and giving her the best possible time! Not think that a group of broke hens will spur the mood some what!

Will you be consuming soft drinks though? When I’ve organised parties of various kinds the non alcoholic drinks add a fair amount to the food bill and it needs to be paid for somehow.

I got a bit confused somewhere on the costings, for some reason I thought it was costing OP £480 for the weekend .

OP how much is it actually costing you in total (excluding mini bus hire and booze that you aren't paying for) ?

The only benefit of having to organise the hen do for a friend was I could make sure it didn't get silly.

For those saying why am I not organising it I was part of organisation it's just now people are adding extra costs that are not necessary. It's been planned for almost a year now all of a sudden extra costs are cropping up. The brides mum has taken charge as I am not the only person to express unhappiness at the costs as it's 2 bridesmaids that have now decided we need all this extra. As I've mentioned the only food we require are some breakfast rolls and sausages for 2 mornings. And the rest of the money is for snacks and juice.

I think the whole thing sounds like it's got out of hand. People can't afford these sort of things these days with cost of living being so expensive (unless you earn a very good salary) and for these women to pressure everyone to pay out like this is ridiculous!

Yanbu and I think for people, on any hen do, to make people feel uncomfortable or for there to be a possible atmosphere because not everyone has gone along with their unreasonable plans is horrible.

I think you are being reasonable by stating you are pregnant so definitely won't drink alcohol and you don't need the bus as you will drive. It's not tight and I think the organisers are being unreasonable by expecting you to contribute to these two things as it's expensive enough for everyone as it is.
I think remain polite so as not to make bad feeling before the hen or the wedding but also be firm as others have said it's entirely reasonable for you to say that. Good luck

Bad organisation not to secure non-refundable money for accommodation from all who commit to it before booking, and not to make costs clear upfront.

The cost per person was this just guests

£90 for accommodation
£40 for food and drink
And spending money for lunch out

Bridesmaids costs were (5 of us)

£120pp for accommodation to split cost of bride
£25 per person to split the cost of people who had pulled out - which I've paid
£30 for decorations and things for goodie bags-again I've already paid
£20 per person for lunch out- again paid
£5 per person for hire of karaoke machine for weekend

Brides mum is making food for the Friday night and nibbles for the Saturday night I'm making cakes, fudge, Carmel shortcake and mars bar cake enough for the whole weekend

So an additional £10 per person guest and bridesmaid will buy crisps and juice and some dips for the Friday night and Saturday night.

And for those asking if I am expecting to drink soft drinks bought by others. No I'm taking my own as the juice for the others will be mixers for their drink and I am contributing to the cost of that so I think I'm ok to drink that if need be.

I know some people might say it's only £170 that I've spent already for my bf hen do but it's a lot of money especially since every spare penny me and my OH have right now is going towards us having a baby. I think I have a right to refuse to pay for things that I am not going to be taking part in? If the bride was taking the mini bus I would of course contribute towards her seat. But she's not her mum is driving her down

I was surprised at the idea that checking out at 11am would mean you wouldn't drink the night before then I remembered that my family in Scotland don't drink the night before they drive due to the much stricter drink driving laws there.

Yes @frozenlake were in Scotland so much stricter here.

DIngdongmerryilyonhigh Really, you'd pay to 'avoid bad feelings that may come out when drunk'? Do you have 'doormat' tattooed on your forehead

The trouble is people expect a weekend in a cottage to be cheap which perhaps it was 20 years ago, but mostly these days the slightly damp cottage with night storage heaters, an ancient gas fire, swirly carpet and pink bath with limestone trail barely exist any more (because people wont book them). Cottages have been done up to the nines and it all costs a ton. I think these sorts of hen nights will hit the buffers for everyone but the richest, the costs are hard to control.

In the meantime, no, don't pay for the alcohol and at least with a car you can escape if fights break out.

'"I don’t know why hen dos have to be so expensive and complicated these days."

I agree. Although it is because people don't put their foot down and say no to the excess.'

This. With bells on. People have pulled out of this already because it's costing silly money. But the bride and organisers still don't get the hint and scale it back.

20 quid can be a lot to some people.

Expecting a pregnant woman to pay for alcohol she's not drinking is ridiculous.

To be fair, the BM’s probably wanted to get some fizz in to drink at the house (and I understand that’s still happening, just on everyone’s private budget - fair enough) and got carried away. They were possibly planning for back at the house after the Saturday night out also.

And in all honesty, I don’t think I could summon much joy for a dry Saturday night Hen Do. They’re bad enough drunk...!

I know it’s Scotland and I know the country well (not just the cities), are you really expecting people to not drink on the Sat? What’s the point of the minibus then?

Had exactly the same thing recently, OP. Hen do was £250 for two nights away in a house in the UK, to be paid in advance. I couldn't go in the end (had flu) so asked for what I could possibly have redunded given I wouldn't be eating/drinking. I'm pregnant and wouldn't be drinking anyway but they still used my money to put towards the booze and didn't refund me a bean for food/drinks because it had 'already been spent' Hen dos are becoming ridiculous IMO.

Never commit to a hen do until you know the price of the different components and the total you personally will need to pay.

Never run a hen do unless you can provide this info upfront and request any expenditure which will have to be paid if the people drop out, up front.

@singlepringle I never said I was expecting people not to drink On the Saturday we are out for lunch and a pub crawl. So it's not like we will have a house full of sober people I simply ment by the time the Saturday night comes those that are driving will be sensible and not drink as much as those going on mini bus. And also bus is being put on as there is people that cannot drive

never book a place without getting deposits from the hens -thid is where you went wrong

so as people pulled out the cost goes up

ive never paid for the hen,nor did anyone pay for me as a bride/hen

Ok - didn’t read that way. Read that ‘come Sat, those that are driving Sunday won’t be drinking’. For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t charge you for booze but we do a kitty of £50 (adjusted to £25 for non boozers) for all foods, booze and soft drinks in the house (including coffee / tea / biscuits / bread / fridge and cupboard raiding stuff and then split any money left over either to cover meals out / be returned at the end of the weekend. Seems to work.

Aha! That's where the extra money was going to go - a pub crawl fund!
So they were expecting you to pay towards their (minimum £3 per drink) piss up whilst you sipped on soft drinks!