Hen weekend costing more and more each day

[Dawn1992]

Hi. My bfs hen do is next month and the cost of it seems to be growing arms and legs. Especially down to the fact that I'm also a bridesmaid. My bf doesn't know about it as she's not part of the planning it's a surprise. She would be very unhappy about the costs I can assure you. The bridesmaids have had to pay for people who have pulled out to cover the cost of the house for the weekend. Now the other bridesmaids are demanding another £40pp for alcohol and food. I'm happy to pay £20 for food costs but they all know I'm pregnant and will not be drinking but are still expecting me to pay for alcohol.. aibu to refuse? I've also refused to pay for a mini bus as I will not be on it. I live 20 mins away from where the house is so I'm driving down on my own. If I were to get the mini bus I would have to drive 45mins in the opposite direction to leave my car then spend over an hour on the bus (which the brides not even going to be on as she's going in the car with her mum) I'm just getting really ticked off at the whole thing!!

£480 for two days

I would never have agreed to this in the first place but at least the alcohol business is sorted.

I don’t think £20 for food for a weekend is that pass remarkable. I certainly wouldn’t be asking for an itemised breakdown.

Main issue here is booking of a venue with a set price without securing deposits or firm commitments from everyone. That’s where the key issue lies and unfortunately all those going are paying the price for the organisers stupidity in not getting that sorted out up front.

I think it’s also that they are being so vague about it - I organised a big hen of 25 in a house that I bought all the food for. I asked each hen to bring a bottle or two, then I made up the shopping basket online with all the food I thought would be needed for the 3 days, and divided that by 25 - I didn’t put a random, arbitrary amount!

The hen I’m currently organising is just a night out. I’ve asked everyone for the cost of their ticket and £10 to cover hen props, the bride’s ticket and food and drink, then said we will all pay our own way at dinner.

You can’t just ask for money and not be able to back up the spending!

The food bill is reasonable
The booze, not so much, esp if you're not drinking

The bride's mother can come over all "Felicity wouldn't want people to be making themselves skint for the sake of this/paying for other people's drinking" etc not her real name

And yes organiser is panicking.

And important lesson here! If you're invited on a hen-do that involves going away, decline. They've all got ridiculous, tbh.

Yay for sensible Mums!!!

"OP, would love to hear what the CF hens think of Bride’s Mum’s sensible intervention. Keep us posted"

Same here. She sounds ace.

We did similar for a friends bday. Our food and drink came to a similar amount for 12 people also. £480 doesn't go far when you're feeding 3x meals a day for 12 people for few days. Presume Friday to Sunday so it's likely 3x tea, it's too us 5 or so packets of bacon alone per breakfast so there's £20 straight away! That's without all the breads, fresh juice, sauces, jars of coffee, sugar etc.

We spent £40just on nibbles for a single lunch! 3-4 bags of salad, 4 packets of ham, few pates, multi pack crisps etc, few cakes etc. 12 adults is a lot to feed!!

No way will £120 feed you all unless you're eating pasta - it's all the treats and dips etc! You've no chance of it covering any kind of alcohol

Quite likely that organisers are hoping to recoup loss of money due no-shows, but also possible that whole trip is being organised by people who have plans to make it mostly about the boozing, and prefer to be vague about the costs. Personally, I don't know any female who runs a house/kitchen being in favour of doing self-catering as basis of hen-party, but can remember a few "chicken parties" in the past, now best avoided.

The other issue with large groups in cottages is, though everyone pays the same, the standard/size/facilities in/ of bedrooms is not the same.
I foresee more friction ahead.

Buttercup two days. One of those evenings they're eating out

No way will £120 feed you all unless you're eating pasta
Yes it will. It's only for 5 meals, and the bride's Mum is doing an online shop at Asda. Not to mention, the OP is taking cakes.

It's not the meals, it's all the other bits!
Plus is a special occasion so they'll likely want treats. Yes ok us taking cakes but is she taking 2 days worth for 12 people?! It's all the extras

Sauces
Coffee tea milk
Condiments
Sweets
Cakes
Crisps and dips
Fresh juice - 2 breakfasts for 12 would take 5 or so bottles!
Cans of pop for example - we needed £10 worth of Diet Coke alone as we all drank a couple a day!
Butter
Bread

in terms of drink it's all the mixers too

I think op is unfairly underestimating the food costs. I've done the shop before and it goes nowhere!

The asda shop is not for food per say. It's snacky type things and 2 breakfasts. Brides mum is making food for the weekend at her own expense (because she wants to we argued about this) so the asda shop is for things like crisps juice ECT. The girls were not happy that it came to byob but brides mum put her foot down. She explained there's only going to be one day that were actually in the house the rest of the time we will be out doing activitys. So it works out the Friday evening when we arrive roughly 5-6ish and the Saturday night from around 9pm and anyone who is driving on the Sunday won t be drinking on the Saturday night as we have to be out the house for 11am. So they were essentially wanting 480 for one evening. I defo think there was some money getting put elsewhere. If it was a present for bride then I'd be more than happy to pay as she is my bf but there was no explanation as to.why they needed so much. It's 2 girls in particular they seem to have taken over. Myself and brides SIL are keeping out she wasn't happy about the costs either. But brides dm has gotten them sorted and said she doesn't want to hear anything more about it.

And to reply to a pp yes I'm making enough cakes and sweet treats for the whole weekend. It doesn't bother me as I love doing things like this.

People lose their minds completely for hen dos. YANBU.
I’m currently trying to persuade my sisters best mate (we’re both bridesmaids) that 200 for one night out, no food, booth in outrageous club with a bottle of vodka and a bottle of fizz, and a night in a travelodge (where the stripper ) will find us) is NOT a good plan.
I mean a stripper in a travelodge. FML we’ll probably end up on news.

To be fair I don't see why the brides mum gets to rule the show given how much everyone's paying - I expect they've every right to be miffed. By all means reduced costs but I'd be unhappy if someone decided to dictate what meal I had to eat on a mini break is equally paid for

Buttercups I'd be miffed if I was expected to pay for all the stuff you've just listed.

I don't agree Buttercup
Are you the hen do organiser?

Of course not but I've organised a few to know they're incredibly stressful and you can't please everyone.

If OP is the bf and bridesmaid I don't understand why she's not organising it herself? To criticise those going out of their way is a bit cheeky I think.

To be it all sounds a bit ungrateful. I absolutely get the not paying for the bus etc but all this hassle caused over an extra £20 is embarrassing! It's her bad hendo and now she's got the mother on side there's going to be a real shitty atmosphere over food and drink that one person now controls!

Buttercups £20 is a lot of money to some people. And not everyone wants to spend a whole weekend pigging out on sweets and crisps.

Gone are the days when a hen night was.....

Well a night out having a few drinks with the girls and a happy occasion

Pretentious clap trap with washing line photos, bathtub adventures along with a load of twigs and marble features

People need to get real 😂

Also, there is lack of clarity where the money is going. I think if you organise something like this you need to be clear about costs upfront.