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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it is irresponsible to eat a meal full of sugar and fats if you are diabetic?

108 replies

lolaflores · 26/01/2018 17:09

SIL has type 2 diabetes. In the last 2 years or so it has become very problematic, hard to control, difficult to get accurate sugar levels. She has been really poorly, hospitalized etc. I don't know if this has to do with her age and menopause etc but, for whatever reasons her condition has caused a lot of concern
All of which made me express my surprise of a pic she posted of her breakfast this morning.
A stack of pancakes topped with several crispy rashers of bacon and the whole lot swimming in maple syrup...
I mentioned it to my DH saying I thought it was irresponsible of her to eat like that given the state of her diabetes.
He didn't see the problem
Am I being thick or is he.
If there is somethign I am missing about diabetes management then would someone enlighten me because I can't see anything right about that meal for someone with that condition....

OP posts:
Couchpotato3 · 26/01/2018 17:12

I'm sure your SIL is well aware that that is not a healthy meal for her, but even diabetics need to kick back and have a treat once in a while. Diabetes is a very complex condition and for some people, it is indeed very hard to control. Maybe your SIL is genuinely struggling or is depressed and finding it hard to cope, who knows. Either way, YABVVVU to judge her. And at the end of the day, it's her health, so her decision. "Irresponsible" is a pretty damning assessment.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 26/01/2018 17:13

Why do you care?

Tinycitrus · 26/01/2018 17:15

I dont judge anymore.

I have a close relative with type2 overweight etc
His behaviour wont change through me nagging. It probably will never change. His medication makes him hungry and he craves sugar.

Op - it’s her life.

daffodildelight · 26/01/2018 17:15

I would find it very hard to stick to a diabetic diet so I wouldn't judge.

Rebeccaslicker · 26/01/2018 17:17

There's a lot of stats now that show you begin to damage nerves in your eyes and extremities once your blood sugar gets past about 7.8. Only your SIL will know if that meal would put her over that limit - and only then if she's testing regularly.

It's shit but that's the choice T2 diabetics have to make - do you really want those pancakes more than you want your feet or your eyesight?

And they have to make that choice every single time they put something in their mouth. It's fucking relentless. And it's insidious because you don't feel anything for a long long time, so you can kid yourself. It's not surprising that lots of people don't cope well with a diagnosis or go off the rails with it.

So YANBU to be concerned but YABU to judge or to think it's easy. It really really really isn't.

Original poster
lolaflores · 26/01/2018 17:19

She has children who love her and want her to be well and they worry about her. THey see how ill she is. I understand needing a treat but to me, it looks like a massive risk to take with your health.

OP posts:
AnnaMagnani · 26/01/2018 17:20

Your SIL may or may not be aware it is not a healthy meal for her.

Working in diabetic clinic, you find that some type 2 diabetics have complex beliefs about their health that cannot be shaken - there were many that swore blind the consultant had told them to eat a Mars Bar each night to stop them going hypo. Except I sat it the same office as said consultant and he sat with his head in his hands and said he had said no such thing. And when we never saw a blood sugar under 20 from them, it did seem unlikely.

The human brain is complex and diabetes is a very hard disease to have. Writing off her breakfast as 'irresponsible' ignores the long and difficult journey people have been on to get to where they are now.

If eating healthily all the time, day in day out, no breaks ever, was easy, every would do it. In reality practically no-one does.

chuntersalot · 26/01/2018 17:20

Really depends on which diabetes management diet she is following. I have Type 2 and would only eat the bacon from that meal. I do Low Carb Higher Fat. The NHS would probably advise the pancakes were ok with a little bit of maple syrup but would probably treat the bacon as the enemy Smile
But yes it’s a bit of a poor choice whichever way you cut it. But if I was to say my alternative would be bacon, avocado and cheese it may raise some eyebrows Grin
Was your dh perhaps looking at it a ‘treat / cheat’ meal?

Shednik · 26/01/2018 17:20

You don't know whether her Type 2 diabetes is linked to diet. It is in some cases, not others.

It also depends how her diabetes is being treated. If she's using insulin, she just needs to match the dose to the carbs.

Fats aren't especially an issue in diabetes control.

The sugar....depends entirely how her diabetes is being managed.

They could be low carb pancakes with bacon and sugar free syrup. Which would be a great breakfast and unlikely to spike blood sugars at all.

Bluntness100 · 26/01/2018 17:20

Yeah I'd judge but from a position of concern. And yes I agree it's irresponsible and concerning. However it's her body and just like an alcoholic posting a pic of their wine, or a morbidly obese person posting a pic of their xxl dominos pizza, you just have to let them get on with it.

BrownTurkey · 26/01/2018 17:20

Yes, sadly external restrictions on diet are very difficult and it is a shame she is finding it hard to manage her condition. Lots of physiological and emotional processes might be in play.

Magpiemagpie · 26/01/2018 17:20

I agree OP my father is diabetic
His levels were in the 17 - high levels according to his monitor
His hands have been swelling up along with his legs and his mobility is really poor .
He was constantly in pain in and out of hospital and nothing seemed to change .
But his problem was he simply didn't know what to eat and although he was losing weight he was still eating processed shit .
He thought he was being healthy by having Wiltshire meals and food like beans on toast

No one had ever explained to him about carbs and being diabetic or maybe the did but he didn't get it .

I got him on the GI diet and explained the basics to him about carbs and sugar and not processing them and it turning into sugar if he can't burn it off as simply as I could
I downloaded a few things on his laptop for him to read as well
The change has been amazing

Within days of him eating differently his levels are down to 8 -13

EmmaGrundyForPM · 26/01/2018 17:22

My dad is like this. He's not too bad with sugary stuff as he hasn't got a sweet tooth but he eats a lot of refined starch. And is really overweight.

He was diagnosed as T2 30 years ago and has had health problems for the last 15+ years, including bad nerve damage yo his feet which really affects his mobility. Luckily his eyes are so far ok.

My mum nags him.relentlessly but he never changes his eating habits. And won't now. It's really hard because he is only 77 but in terms of mobility seems 10 years older.

Shednik · 26/01/2018 17:22

Also, managing diabetes is full-on. It's absolutely constant. Nobody who doesn't live it has any idea. I don't think anyone should judge the way others handle it.

BIWI · 26/01/2018 17:23

Fat has nothing to do with diabetes, by the way. It's sugar/carbs that are the issue.

Original poster
lolaflores · 26/01/2018 17:25

I didn't say it was easy.
What I said was that it seemed the kind of meal a diabetic should be eating as well the fact her diabetes is so out of control at the moment. She is experiencing very real outcomes like you mentioned with eye sight and nerve damage.

OP posts:
Shednik · 26/01/2018 17:26

Also YABU not to differentiate between different types of diabetes in your title.

Original poster
lolaflores · 26/01/2018 17:28

Shednik be a dear and have a read of the first sentence.
Type 2 diabetes.
First sentence.

OP posts:
Dragongirl10 · 26/01/2018 17:28

YANBU
and for those who think its far to hard to eat a healthy diet.......at least she has the option of controlling her disease, someone with cancer or heart disease has no such luxury, and l am sure many would love the luxury of getting better/staying well just by being sensible about what they eat...
Op she is being very irresponsible, it is kind of you to care.

My DF was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes 3 years ago, and dangerously high cholestrol, he hated the tablets he had to take as the side effects were horrible.
He stopped the medication a year ago against the recommendation of the doctor, lost 2 stone, ate regular healthy meals, gave up sugarry food, started swimming three times a week and walking on the days in between...he has now got normal blood sugar levels and low cholestrol..he is 83 years old.

He chose a better quality of life by applying some discipline, and is also not likely to be a burden on the NHS

mrsBeverleyGoldberg · 26/01/2018 17:30

Eating unhealthy is a form of self harm. Having poorly managed diabetes is a dangerous game to play. Show her pictures of diabetics feet before they're amputated.
She needs to take her health seriously

Magpiemagpie · 26/01/2018 17:32

Emma
my dad is 71 he is still overweight but has lost a lot of weight recently
I am constantly on the phone to him asking him what he has eaten today 😂but he has been listening to me .

At the moment he has a nurse coming out twice a day to help him with his injections and to get the right amounts of insulin for him but I think if he keeps wIth the low Gi diet then things should get better for him

NorthernLurker · 26/01/2018 17:32

Op are you going to tell your sil that you think she is a fool who doesn't love her kids enough? If not, why are you posting here? What's the point?
For you to have your self righteous indignation fed?
Your dh has been very restrained. I would have told you to stop bitching about my family. Life isn't black and white. Diabetes control and the relationship any of us have with food certainly isn't.

NorthernLurker · 26/01/2018 17:34

Oh and Mrs Beverley that's a bloody stupid suggestion. Fear doesn't motivate people to access healthcare and be compliant. It just makes them scared and scared people hide.

amusedbush · 26/01/2018 17:35

My MIL died from T1 diabetic complications last year after losing her sight and both legs. She had absolutely no quality of life and it was awful. She was militant about controlling her illness too, so yes it seems irresponsible for someone not to do everything they can to help themselves.

You won't change her behaviour though. She has to want to change.

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 26/01/2018 17:38

She has kids? Well, in that case, she's fucking selfish. She runs a big risk of amputation and to knowingly inflict the caring duties which will come with that on her own children is shocking.