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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm not starving my wedding guests.

450 replies

MBlaze · 24/01/2018 20:04

Helpful Mumsnetters, please let me know if this is enough food for a wedding. I think it's more than enough, but DP thinks we need to add more food!

Timings are approximate...

2pm - Ceremony
3pm-5pm - Crepe or ice cream van, canapes (3 each) and drinks
6pm - 3 Course dinner (Vegan and Gluten-free options so nobody should go hungry.)
7ish? - Cake after dinner
9pm - Cheese board with bread, crackers, grapes, figs etc

Surely that's enough food considering the ceremony is at 2 and people can have breakfast beforehand?

DP thinks we should provide more than a cheeseboard after dinner and should hire a fish and chip/burrito van or ask the caterers for something more substantial. We aren't having any evening only guests, so I really don't think people will need another meal 3 hours after a 3 course meal.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Micksee15 · 25/01/2018 17:35

personally, and this is just my opinion...id do away with the crepe and ice cream and put a buffet on for evening guests, even just bacon rolls (seen recently and went down a storm!) but your evening guests need a wee something.
have a great day x

Micksee15 · 25/01/2018 17:35

sorry I should have said sonething substantial rather than just a cheese board.....

MaisyPops · 25/01/2018 17:37

At the end of the day it’s your special day, you choose what you want, if people don’t like it they don’t need to go
I hate this attitude with a passion.
If people want to have what they want and not consider guests then don't have a load of guests at your wedding. I can't stand the 'but it's my day'. It's all a bit weddings = princess for a day.
(That isn't a reference to the OP just to clarify)

If you have a wedding with friends and family then you are hosting an event where they can share in your marriage day. It's not some me me me party where what i want goes any stuff anyone who doesn't like it. If you are going to have guests at a wedding then you have to consider them.

Friends of ours got married at 2pm in a venue 2 hours from where we all live. To leave float and be on time we left at 1130. When we got there there was a bar and then waiting for the ceremony, between the ceremony and the wedding breakfast was 2.5 hours where a glass of fizz was given to everyone and then a couple of canapes. The expectation was over 2 hours of mingling with limited refreshments. We had a brunch to keep us going before leaving but that isn't lunch.
There were many lovely things about the day, but what sticks in my head is the 2.5 hours of milling around hungry. Other weddings have been similar (popular wedding venues seem to love it).It does feel a bit like 'how long can we have for our venue but without having to feed guests accordingly'.

We also got married at 2pm in a church and food was available from 330 in our venue. One of the reasons we did that was precisely because we have had too many experiences of being in fancy wedding venues standing around starving.

user1471600850 · 25/01/2018 17:39

I cannot believe some of the comments here! It is a privilege to be invited to someone's wedding and they should do exactly what they want to do. It is about their day and not about the people who are invited!! Go with your first option it sounds lovely! Your day should not revolve around how much food there is to eat but around you!

StreyyTV · 25/01/2018 17:44

At the end of the day it’s your special day, you choose what you want, if people don’t like it they don’t need to go. I think you’ve done great with the plan you have. At the end of the day they are there to spend your special day with you.

Lol. Back in the real world 90% of the guests at a wedding are there for free booze, food and entertainment. I know it's nice to think everybody happily gave up their entire day because they love you so much but that just isn't the case.

Shedmicehugh · 25/01/2018 17:57

I think you should cancel the big wedding, marry in a registry office, no guests.

Then sod off on holiday, somewhere exotic with all the money you saved! Stuff your faces with canapés, crepes, ice cream and cheese boards!Grin

StripySocksAndDocs · 25/01/2018 17:58

I think in reality you are offering a shed load of food.

Especially in the time period: crepes, three course meal, cake and cheese, bread and crackers in just six hours.

The biggest problem is the wait I suppose: from their arrival before 2 o'clock. So you feel you need to give them something early on (understand that). Though I'm not sure who might go to a wedding that's at 2 thinking they will eat before 4. Most people will have a big late breakfast or an early lunch.

You'll be effectively offering food to them constantly. Some food at 3 o'clock. Then two hours later a three course meal, which will last a few hours, then cake. Then a couple of hours after that cheese, bread and crackers.

SheSellSeaShells · 25/01/2018 17:59

offer something gluten / vegan free in the evening too if you have guests that require it. I'm coeliac and am always hungry at weddings as although the main course if often offered gluten free its never been very nice compared to what everyone else gets. The canapes and evening offerings are never gluten free :-( (and always look more delicious when you can't have them).
Chip cones are a good idea.

dotdotdotmustdash · 25/01/2018 17:59

How about a proper sit-down afternoon tea after the ceremony with speeches and all the formal stuff. By 5.30 people can relax and enjoy a drink in the bar an at 8pm you can bring out the hot dishes - bacon rolls, crepes, fish and chips etc. Guests can mingle with their plates and enjoy the company.

sunbird17 · 25/01/2018 18:02

Haven't read the whole thread (14 pages!) but could you serve some sandwiches instead of canapes? They shouldn't be any more expensive. I think the cheeseboard after dinner is a great idea, assuming you leave it out for a couple of hours so people can pick at it.

PurpleTango · 25/01/2018 18:02

I think the food sounds plenty. I’m not they will need all that food in the space of a few hours tbh. It’s not up to you to feed your guests before the wedding.

I wouldn’t get thru all that food tbh but DH wouldn’t have a problem!

Hope you have a lovely day

MaisyPops · 25/01/2018 18:03

It is about their day and not about the people who are invited!!
But part of hosting is considering your guests. That's my point. Some people (not the OP) seem to be of the view that 'it's my day and my party and you lot are here to look at me. I get ny way and have what i eant when i want and the hell with the rest of you because it's my day. Be grateful for an invite bitches'.

The issue in the OP's day is a large amount of time with minimal refreshments until the evening meal.

The evening meal sounds lovely as does tje cheeseboard and is ample for an evening.

But if that doesn't change the fact that a 2pm wedding if guests are travelling means they are going from.probably a mid morning snack (because most won't eat a full lunch just an hour or 2 after breakfast) through until early evening with light refreshments. That isn't particularly good on the guests.
If they brought the evening meal forward an hour then there wouldn't be the need for anything extra.

Mrsevo1 · 25/01/2018 18:04

That sounds lovely and is more than enough!! We got married at two and sat down for food at half four/five. We didn't provide snacks after the ceremony and the guests were either in photos or happy at the bar. Our evening food was sausage and bacon sandwiches which weren't served until half eight followed by wedding cake. We had food for 120 people on the night and had approximately 160 there. No one complained of there not being enough or not having any. People are more interested in a boogie and drink than the food. Most will be stuffed from the main meal as well.

Best of luck for your wedding. You will have an amazing day! X

godricshollow · 25/01/2018 18:06

There's plenty of food. But it is better to serve the formal type food (canapés, sit down meal) before the casual type food. After the ceremony you're still in your finery and feeling smart and want to sit down looking your best. So IMO canapés work, but very casual eat out of wrapper type food like crepe van and ice cream don't so much. Just my opinion though. Agree cake with cheeseboard!

grannytomine · 25/01/2018 18:08

I think 3 crepes (was it 3 crepes or am I mixing it up with the canapes?) would fill me up unless they are very small crepes. I wouldn't bother with the canapes. Presumably costings come into it so not sure if a small afternoon tea instead of the crepes and canapes would be doable? Doesn't have to be elaborate, some sandwiches, maybe fruit cake or scones and tea. That would fill people up enough and you want them to be ready to eat at 6 pm.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 25/01/2018 18:08

Word of warning. Check the crepe speed with the caterer v number of guests. Crepes can take ages to make and guests could end up queuing for them - you'll be so busy chatting you won't have time to queue. Ask the caterers to put a plate aside for you. Mine did that without me asking and I could have kissed them, I'd not eaten all day.

purpleleotard · 25/01/2018 18:11

Hello
Sorry I haven't had the time to read all the postings.
Just some thoughts that may be pertinent.
Last wedding I went to the time I allowed for a feed before getting to the venue was taken up with a crash on the motorway. Left home at 8am arrived at the venue at 2pm. Had to change in the carpark. Famished.
Perhaps your time gaps are just a bit wide.
Your ceremony at 2pm will take about 30 mins or so. The guests then have to pass the time on some nibbles until 6, a full 3 1/2 hours.
Do let the guests sit down.
Though I do like to meet my relations there is only so much chatting and small talk I can do.
Then there is the sit down meal. More chat. If you are using round tables remember that you can only speak to the person on either side, not across the table (stuck by Mr. Boring).
Don't forget that some guests will not be drinking as they will be driving afterwards, especially if the venue is out of town.
Congratulations and good luck.

Aragog · 25/01/2018 18:27

That would be plenty for me and I think its completely adequate

Breakfast and early lunch/brunch at home
Ceremony at 2pm
Snacks at 3/4pm
3 course dinner at 6pm
Supper snack at 9pm

Its more than I would have on a normal day tbh and I can eat a fair amount.

Surely people will realise thy need to sort themselves out with some food before the ceremony starts at 2. Most wouldn't expect their sit down meal til at least 2-3 later in my experience, and although its an hour after that - there are some small snacks to put them on.

I guess if you have guests travelling from afar they will struggle with lunch meals - to give them a hint, why not include a list of "local cafes/pubs that will be close by where they can get an early lunch or snack before the ceremony begins." Wouldn't that give them a clue.

The trouble with adding anything too big at 3-5pm is then people may fill up and not be ready to eat at 6.

And from experience - a wedding meal takes hours, esp if there are speeches so you'd probably not want it starting much beyond 6 anyway.

Maireadplastic · 25/01/2018 18:30

I always put a flapjack in my handbag. World- think on.

StreyyTV · 25/01/2018 18:30

Your day should not revolve around how much food there is to eat but around you!

It's not your day. You invited people to share it with you. It's their day now too and they have to be considered.

Lovemusic33 · 25/01/2018 18:33

I think it’s plenty as long as people realise that they have to wait until 6pm before the main meal and they all have a big breakfast in the morning. After eating a 3 course meal I think a cheese board and cake is fine. I’m not sure how people eat so much.

ArDali1 · 25/01/2018 18:34

Considering that it's going to be a 3 course dinner at 6 after dinner cheese board seems fine and you're also having cake.
Instead of canapes around 3/4pm could you not have like a mini buffet with lots of different foods for meat eaters/veggies/vegans/gluten free? So people can help themselves to however much they feel they want.

I went to my best friends wedding last year, and she did something similar, after the ceremony they had canapés. An hour or so after they had a lunch buffet, then had dessert. They hired a fish and chips van for dinner that also has vegan options and had cheese board and pick n mix sweets for nibbles.
Was insane amount of food but it's better than making guests go hungry.

BraayTigger · 25/01/2018 18:37

For a 2pm wedding all guests know to have lunch prior (we always do). Sounds like plenty of food OP, perfect. Have a great day!

reluctantbrit · 25/01/2018 18:42

We had the ceremony at 3pm and did a decent afternoon tea until we had the sit down meal. I think an even earlier ceremony could mean people have an early lunch to make sure they are in time and the. Are starving at 6pm. And this is one po8nt in weddings which really leaves bad memories.

MrsSpenserGregson · 25/01/2018 18:42

OP, your timescales and menus sound absolutely perfect.

You are offering food every couple of hours. People are not going to die of starvation during that time. If they're drinking so much that they are too ravenous to control themselves, that's their problem. If they choose to go to a 2pm wedding without having lunch first, that's their problem. If they'd had lunch at 12 noon they probably wouldn't eat dinner before 6pm on a normal day so why they'd be unable to cope without food for a few hours just because it's your wedding is beyond me.

I cannot believe the people on here who are saying it's not enough food. It's absolutely loads. Far more than necessary, which means it's perfect for a celebration! Hope you have a lovely wedding.