AIBU to give up on bil?

[Sisinisawa]

Background: according to DH his younger brother was always the golden child. This may be relevant?

DH and I have been married ten years and have two children.

Bil has a degenerative illness which recently has got to the point where he has had to stop working and move back in with pil as he is now on benefits. I understand he is short of money and this isn't about that.

However. He used to be normal about cards and gifts i.e. would give Christmas gifts to all of us, and birthday gifts to the children. I always thought it was weird he didn't give DH a birthday gift but DH was ok about it so none of my business.

Over the last few years the Christmas gift to me and DH got worse as in crap and clearly an afterthought to the point when he just stopped giving us anything. He was still working then and didn't discuss it with us.

He did still give gifts to the children though.

This year however he sent a Christmas card addressed to DH and family as though I and the children - his nephew and niece- don't exist and no gifts at all.

And my and DH's birthdays were both recent and he sent a card for DH but not for me.

I'm sick of it. He clearly doesn't give a shit about us so I want to go no contact with him and stop calling him uncle as he's done nothing to deserve that title. AIBU?

Wow. A sick man has lost his livelihood and his independence and has had to move in with his parents as he needs help and you're ready to 'disown' him because he doesn't buy you presents?

Can you even hear yourself?

He could be depressed due to his illness/short of money.

If it bothers you, when/if you see him next ask him why he is being unreasonable in your eyes !?!

YABU. Who gives gifts to adults anyway, though most people just gave to neices/nephew etc? He is also ill.

Holy fuck. He’s dealing with a degenerative illness has had to move back home and you’re wanting presents.

Wow.

You sound beyond ridiculous. I would imagine having to give up work due to the progression of his illness is a massive blow for him and he is probably very frightened about the future. Maybe your birthday wasn't really at the forefront of his mind? But by all means cut off a family member at the very time he is in most need of support, that will be a lovely example to your kids.

Bloody hell, how selfish and uncaring of you.

Wow OP. Are you always quite so self absorbed.

You're being a total dick

I agree with what has been said, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Is your DH in contact with him and asking both him and his Parents if they need any support at all?

Yes, brilliant example for your kids - uncle isn’t really an uncle anymore because he didn’t send Mummy a birthday card and his presents have been a bit shit lately. So let’s not speak to him anymore, that’ll show him We’ll just ignore what’s going on in his life, we didn’t get any Christmas presents. My 6 year old shows more empathy.

You’d be doing him a favour.

Many degenerative diseases also have a cognitive component. There could be many reasons why his involvement has decreased, not all of them physical.
The fact that you say that he used to be "normal about cards and gifts....." suggest that this change is likely to be due to his illness rather than because he can't be bothered.

He probably needs the support of his family more than ever so I wouldn't go nc

I’m not sure you rate a relation on cards and gifts...

You don’t mention how he is with you at all or anything. I think you might be shocked as to reasons people are NC with their family.

Awaits massive drip feed...

Poor bloke. He obviously has more pressing things on his mind than birthday cards. Such as losing his livelihood and independence. Maybe even facing life in a wheelchair at some point?

A little empathy wouldn't hurt.

Umm.. this may be the most self-absorbed post I have ever read! You deserve an award for this one, OP.

You are aware of the endgame of degenerative aren't you?

This must be a reverse, surely. Otherwise it really is the most selfish post I've ever seen on AIBU.

Maybe he’s preoccupied with his degenerate illness nowadays and that’s why his cards and presents have been a bit lacking lately?

Or maybe he’s worked out that you are seriously lacking in any depth or understanding and that’s why he hasn’t bothered?

Bloody phone. Degenerative not dengerate

Wow, just wow.

I have written several drafts of this post and have deleted them as they haven’t sounded right. All I will say is my amazing dad has Parkinsons, I would be heartbroken to hear anyone speaking about him the way you have spoken about your BIL.

Actually, I agree with you. You should go no contact. The poor man has enough to deal with without having to cope with selfish, grabby people like you in his life.

Do the man a favour and stay clear of him.

What are you doing to support your PIL?

Wow. A sick man has lost his livelihood and his independence and has had to move in with his parents as he needs help and you're ready to 'disown' him because he doesn't buy you presents?

^ THIS - WITH BELLS ON ^
WOW

Come on, nobody is that grabby and entitled

Pull the other one OP.