AIBU to give up on bil?

[Sisinisawa]

Background: according to DH his younger brother was always the golden child. This may be relevant?

DH and I have been married ten years and have two children.

Bil has a degenerative illness which recently has got to the point where he has had to stop working and move back in with pil as he is now on benefits. I understand he is short of money and this isn't about that.

However. He used to be normal about cards and gifts i.e. would give Christmas gifts to all of us, and birthday gifts to the children. I always thought it was weird he didn't give DH a birthday gift but DH was ok about it so none of my business.

Over the last few years the Christmas gift to me and DH got worse as in crap and clearly an afterthought to the point when he just stopped giving us anything. He was still working then and didn't discuss it with us.

He did still give gifts to the children though.

This year however he sent a Christmas card addressed to DH and family as though I and the children - his nephew and niece- don't exist and no gifts at all.

And my and DH's birthdays were both recent and he sent a card for DH but not for me.

I'm sick of it. He clearly doesn't give a shit about us so I want to go no contact with him and stop calling him uncle as he's done nothing to deserve that title. AIBU?

I...
I...

I don't have the words.

Do you actually understand what ''degenerative illness'' means?? Do you understand that it has already changed this man's whole life? I don't know what he has, but I'm betting the result is not going to be good. He will get sicker and sicker and his quality of life will get lower and lower. And he will be aware of this. He'll have done his research, spoken to doctors, maybe been on forums and websites to see what horror awaits him.

And you. You are bleating about cards and presents.

My brother and I have never given each other presents,we buy for each other’s children.

I’m currently receiving treatment for an incurable cancer and have forgotten to buy a present in time for my nephew’s birthday, I hope my sil won’t decide that’s a reason to go nc as despite my oversight I love them all dearly.

SRSL?

Have you disclosed your feelings to your DH? If someone in my life wanted me to go no contact with my sibling at their time of need, I'd be very keen on no contact, just not with my sibling. I'd immediately cut that person out of my life and never look back.

I think he’d be lucky if you went NC! Imagine what you come across like in RL - perhaps that’s why he has stopped sending you cards?

He still sends them to his brother so under the circs you need to back off!!

Please go NC for BIL’s sake. He doesn’t deserve anyone so selfish, uncaring and self-absorbed in his life.

This has so not gone the way the OP expected!

YABVVVU, I bet you wish you hadn’t asked now!

I hope this is a reverse as your post is disgusting - and I hate them with a passion, why cant people just be honest??

He will probably be chuffed to bits that he doesnt have to see you any more!

Holy Mother of God...

I've seen some self absorbed twats on here, but this takes the biscuit (and the cake, and the plate...).

I am actually lost for words.

I literally have no words, this has got to be a joke. I'm bad at sorting out presents and cards on time and I'm a healthy 23 year old god knows what I'd be like if I was poorly like your bil. Most if my family find it in their hearts to forgive me lol it looks like he's at least tried to make an effort despite everything else going on. Probably better of without you.

Jesus Christ. If his isn't a reverse then you need to fuck off. Ugh.

I can't see why this is bothering you so much.

It's just stuff, he has a lot going on.

OMG - my DMIL died right before Christmas and NOONE got shitty because a few cards/presents were missed whilst her husband and son were grieving. Maybe you could be nicer to someone who is clearly ill or as others have said go NC and leave the poor man alone!!!

He has lost his job. He has lost his health and faces a grim future. He has lost his independence and is living with his parents.

Shame on you. You should be supporting him not finding fault with him.

You sound shallow as fuck

I’m afraid you’re likely to get roasted here. I also think YABU, he’s got a lifelong degenerate illness, lost his job, his home and independence and you’re thinking he’s being selfish about gifts? How about you spend a little more time with him, help him out etc than moaning. I’m sure he’d rather have his health and life back and be in a position to buy everyone nice gifts and cards

Oh thank god for all these replies.

I have a chronic condition that affects me cognitively as well as physically, and have been a crap gift-giver because of it (can't remember stuff, can't organise, am largely housebound).

Letting my family down like about gifts and cards is one of the things I feel really crap about. I read the OP thinking, "Yes, she's right, I really am hurting people behaving like this."

this cannot be real???

PerkingFaintly Seriously it's only a very very small amount of selfish people would think that way, I'm sure your family don't give it a second thought and are more concerned about your health and well being

Perking, I struggle to remember my own birthday much less anyone elses and I'm perfectly healthy. If you were my relative I'd be much more likely to forget that you forgot than to judge you for it

And BTW if my family decide to give up on me because I'm now boring and hard work, then I completely understand. God knows I don't like my own company, so I can hardly expect anyone else to want it.

But I don't want to hurt them. I wouldn't want anyone thinking I hadn't got a present to them because they were somehow not worth it. They are; it's just me that's crap.

I think this is a reverse.

Are you for real? I hope this is a troll post. If not, you are very selfish and unkind. I am actually lost for words. Spoiled as hell.