AIBU to give up on bil?

[Sisinisawa]

Background: according to DH his younger brother was always the golden child. This may be relevant?

DH and I have been married ten years and have two children.

Bil has a degenerative illness which recently has got to the point where he has had to stop working and move back in with pil as he is now on benefits. I understand he is short of money and this isn't about that.

However. He used to be normal about cards and gifts i.e. would give Christmas gifts to all of us, and birthday gifts to the children. I always thought it was weird he didn't give DH a birthday gift but DH was ok about it so none of my business.

Over the last few years the Christmas gift to me and DH got worse as in crap and clearly an afterthought to the point when he just stopped giving us anything. He was still working then and didn't discuss it with us.

He did still give gifts to the children though.

This year however he sent a Christmas card addressed to DH and family as though I and the children - his nephew and niece- don't exist and no gifts at all.

And my and DH's birthdays were both recent and he sent a card for DH but not for me.

I'm sick of it. He clearly doesn't give a shit about us so I want to go no contact with him and stop calling him uncle as he's done nothing to deserve that title. AIBU?

And he is their uncle, whether you like it or not.

What does your husband think about your selfish behaviour?

This must be a reverse.
No one is that cold and selfish.

It is very, very helpful seeing most people don't think like that.

My sister did this to me. I did send my nephew a gift but didn’t call him on the day and she decided that she “couldn’t talk to someone who treated her children like that” and we haven’t spoken for 2 years

Despite me knowing what a total bitch she was being it still didn’t help me when I was going through a very bad time (especially as she pulled out every gripe she had to remain angry) and the subsequent fallout with family has meant that my recovery was harder and longer.

You want to do that to your family then rock on but I hope you can live with it.

Life is way too short to keep tabs on stuff like this. Some people place a lot of importance on cards and presents, some don't. It sounds as though he's got bigger things to worry about!

The title of uncle isn't given out based on how many presents they've bought.

OP I am sorry but this is awful. I have a degenerative illness, but am fine at the moment. The thought that my SIL or anyone could think of me like this at some point in the future is horrifying. I'm lost for words, really.

What a horrible situation. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling! I mean, to not get a card?! Are you ok?! What a selfish bastard he is.

Do you have a strong support system.......because your brother in law certainly doesn’t!

Cannot be real. God if my inlaws or my family treated me like this I would be devastated. Luckily they all help me, look after me & come RUNNING whenever I need them. But you know they are normal!

Has to be reverse - I’m not troll hunting!

Can't be real. This is shallower than a Petri dish.

MN HQ seems to think it’s genuine - it’s just an absolute cunt

This is just disgusting in my opinion. The man is ill, and you just want to cut him out because he didn't buy you a present?? You are either taking the piss or are one very selfish individual.

Can I ask that you go back and reread this? Your brother in law has gotten so Unwell he’s had to move back home can’t work etc. And your upset he’s not buying presents.....

I call reverse.

Bloody hell, hope it's a reverse then.

Whilst I agree that illness doesn't sanctify us (if you're an arsehole whilst healthy, you just become a sick arsehole), the OP's reasons is unimaginably rubbish. The only thing I can imagine being sad about is not having more cards as memories for safekeeping.

Aki23

Have they told you or do you mean because the thread hasn't been pulled?

I don't even think a drip feed will change anyone's minds on this. You should be ashamed OP. One of the most shockingly selfish AIBU's I have ever read.

You sound like my sil. I’m chronically ill. Always picked faults in whatever I do. I’m just doing my best. She and brother didn’t give dd proper birthday cards for years. Presents were random items not designed for babies or little kids. Dds first birthday card was a notelet. Yet as one example, she ranted that I hadn’t sent separate dn and cousin birthday cards because she’d sent ones from her and their pfb, who by this stage could read and write.

I can feel your flaming face and shame from here. That burning feeling in your chest where you know you've been told a few home truths that really hurt and it burns!

God this is awful

I’ve just done a history check on op. She appears genuine, posts from 2016-date. She says she’s autistic in one of her posts. Idk if that could be any kind of excuse for this sort of post.

No excuse whatsover. You sound just awful OP.

Since when has staying in contact with family been dependent on the amount of cash spent? Oh wait.....

I really hope you are not as selfish as you
came across on here op

Normally a reverse can’t hold their silence that long, particularly if everyone agrees with their real view.

You're gonna " give up on bil " ? When he is about to need all his family most ? That is astoundingly breath-takingly mean, possibly evil.