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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would it BU to ask the teacher to remind DD to go to the loo before hometime?

518 replies

Natsku · 24/01/2018 11:30

DD nearly always forgets to go to a wee before she leaves school and then she ends up desperately needing it while on the walk home and the last few days she's come home soaked from wetting herself (which is not just unpleasant for her but verging on dangerous as I expect walking in wet clothes increases the risks of hypothermia and it's been -15 lately in the afternoons)

I'm not there to remind her myself as she walks alone and I just physically can't go to pick her up at the moment because my SPD is too bad and no amount of reminding her in the morning seems to help her remember by hometime, but I'm worried it would be a bit unreasonable to ask the teacher to take responsibility for reminding her as she is probably very busy at hometime and I don't want to be that parent (I'm worried I already am for some other reasons and don't want to be more of a bother) but fed up of washing DD's snowsuit every day and her skin on her inner thighs is getting really sore from the wee and the wet trousers rubbing on her.

OP posts:
MsGameandWatching · 26/01/2018 21:49

I find myself wondering how many of the adults on here would love an hours trek in a dark forest through heavy snow every morning five days a week. Then four hours later they get to do it again.

I'm a runner by the way, I do at least five - seven km three/four times a week and I would still find having to roll out of bed and do the above utterly shit and creepy and I am in my forties.

MrsAmaretto · 26/01/2018 21:50

Natsku we hardly get any decent snow, despite being 60North, so I’m jealous! We’re getting sunrise from 8:30 now, what a difference it’s making - can’t wait until loooooong summer nights. The snowfox will definitely help with them as I was going to extend his “roaming” area.

It sounds then like she’s just starting to “relax” as she gets nearer home. Is that was caused her constipation - holding it in too long? I’d remind her every morning that she must pee before hometime and I’d maybe get your husband to speak to her teacher as it’s more a medical issue rather than over anxious British mother. She needs to be reminded as it’s caused constipation.

I’m feeling like a lax hippy after reading this thread & never moving back to the UK mainland with my kids!

MrsAmaretto · 26/01/2018 21:54

I’ve only ever been to the area around rovaniemi in Finland but the trees in the forests were like cocktail sticks rather than Narnia type forests. Saw reindeer but no bear.

Could you arrange her to meet up with her walking friend in the morning on the way to school?

WellThisIsShit · 26/01/2018 21:58

Oh dear, the ravening wolves have sensed some bait on this thread at least, if not in the dark fairy tale forest of nightmares...

sonjadog · 26/01/2018 21:58

I think you do what feels right for you and your family, Natsku, and talk to your daughter´s teacher and other parents in your area. You aren't going to win with some posters on here because they just can´t get their head around that there are countries where things are done differently to the UK and where people think differently about childcare.

BlueMirror · 26/01/2018 22:00

I think it would be one thing if a child that age is happy to do the walk alone. If she isn't in the mornings and she's scared then her need for security isn't being met. If that's a cultural norm then it's not one I would want any part of.

BlueMirror · 26/01/2018 22:02

And I'm also wondering what use the gps is if there is no-one who could go and check on her if necessary?

KatharinaRosalie · 26/01/2018 22:04

OP said it's 2K. That's not an hour's trek.

MsGameandWatching · 26/01/2018 22:05

Earlier in the the thread she said it takes about an hour.

UndomesticHousewife · 26/01/2018 22:06

She’s 6, 2km would take a lot longer to walk

Original poster
Natsku · 26/01/2018 22:10

You'll be relieved to know that there are no bears or wolves in this forest as it's surrounded on all sides by roads so the bears and wolves (actually don't think there are any wolves in the area, they're mostly in the Eastern parts) keep well away in the forests outside of town. The wildest animals in this forest are hares and hedgehogs.

She's had constipation on and off for a few years MrsAmaretto still not sure what causes it.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 26/01/2018 22:12

I'm sorry about your SPD Natsku, it's bloody agony isn't it? if it's any consolation mine was about as bad as it gets, and it disappeared magically the day after the birth Flowers

Original poster
Natsku · 26/01/2018 22:13

If she stopped moving on the GPS and didn't answer when I called BlueMirror I'd be knocking on the neighbour's door asking for help.

It takes her half an hour in the mornings and around an hour in the afternoons when she goes much slower MsGame

OP posts:
MsGameandWatching · 26/01/2018 22:14

I believe you. I'm sure I would be moving most rapidly through a dark forest too!

Original poster
Natsku · 26/01/2018 22:16

Oh I really really hope it disappears that quickly for me then Greensleeves if it does then this issue will be solved very quickly - due tomorrow so hopefully baby will come within the next week and if not then I'm getting induced at 41 weeks according to midwife so if SPD goes away immediately I'll be able to walk with her very soon.

OP posts:
frogsoup · 26/01/2018 23:44

becotide why are you getting off on making up ridiculous scare stories when you have no idea what you are on about?! Let me get this straight, based on zero knowledge of the specifics of where OP lives, you are now saying that it's not ok for natsku's DD to walk in because she might be eaten by a bear?! Listen to yourself! Perhaps giraffes too?

And the distance seems to be miraculously lengthening in people's minds. Its 2km. I am taking it from the shocked responses above that the posters in question have never actually walked 2km with a small child - it does not take a 3yo an hour to walk 2km, let alone a 6yo. She dawdles, because she's...having fun? The morning I agree doesn't sound ideal because of the dark and scary Finnish pixies, but as for the general principle, please get a grip, this is getting ridiculous.

frogsoup · 26/01/2018 23:45

And I had horrific SPD as well, many sympathies. I could barely walk across the house, let alone 2km on a forest track. It did miraculously disappear though as soon as I gave birth!

zizza · 27/01/2018 00:01

I've got no input here op but just wanted to say how lucky you are to live there. Dh and I were just reminiscing about our visit last year (stayed just outside Saariselka) and saying how we can remember so clearly the beauty and peace of the forests, and wish we were back there. Not sure I could live there permanently but did love it! It was my first time on skis and I loved cross-country skiing - despite being overtaken by all the local children and oaps!!

Beeziekn33ze · 27/01/2018 00:41

OP The local Continence clinic refers to the well known 'key in the door' syndrome. It's just as someone is on their doorstep, key in hand, that having held it in they relax and wet themselves. If that's similar to what is happening to your DD then all those worrying about her walking the whole hour home soaked can release their clutching hands from their pearls!

Cracker09jacker · 27/01/2018 00:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlueMirror · 27/01/2018 01:07

The op is now saying that she is only wetting as she gets to the house but in her op she was concerned about her walking in wet clothes and getting hypothermia????

myrtleWilson · 27/01/2018 01:11

This forest must be teeming with activity what with all the "paedos" bears and wolves... I wonder if they compete against each other to snatch small children or if they've considered forming an evil forest based alliance....

Natsku - am sorry your daughter has been having difficulties but it sounds like you're working through the possibilities - I do like beezie key in the door idea - I certainly know from my own experience that I can need the loo in the car on a long journey but nothing is ever as bad as the very short dash from parking the car on the drive to the front door...

I think too that the new arrival is perhaps unsettling her on some level and am glad the sauna chat worked - and that the plan to walk with her in the mornings sounds doable pretty soon and if not DH can help out...

I have friends who have moved to Finland (begins with J) - they live a very pretty looking blue house and their photos are just awe inspiring.

best wishes for your new arrival and hope that DD issues get sorted

Greensleeves · 27/01/2018 01:14

I have the key-in-the-door thing Blush but I blame ds1 for basically trying to kick his way out!

OP soon you will have your new baby, your SPD will be GONE and it will be light in the mornings.

Taytotots · 27/01/2018 01:25

It could well be a cold thing. Similar temps here and DD who is a bit younger than yours had a few accidents at school playtime and when leaving. Her teacher offered to remind her to go before putting on snow gear and it's been ok since. We think she was probably realising when she went outside but then not wanting to ask or to bother to get undressed again (which is a faff!). Either teacher or some other reminder might do trick. Re shewee I found controlling flow so it didn't overflow (if you get what I mean!) quite hard and not sure how easy would be for child. Good luck with the spd - I had it and was agony but luckily went quite quickly after birth.

Taytotots · 27/01/2018 01:28

@myrtleWilson Grin evil forest based alliance