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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be sick of all the man/boy hate.

710 replies

churchoflego · 24/01/2018 09:55

What the hell is going on? Men are not the devil. Boys are not the devil. I have sons and all I read is how as white males they are basically considered the spawn of satan. When did males become the enemy? Surely there are good and bad individuals who happen to be male or female?

I was horribly bullied at school by females and again at work by females, however, I don't consider all females to be evil. They were horrible individuals who happened to be female.

It's really depressing and scary.

OP posts:
ReliefOfChaos · 25/01/2018 05:10

Pumper. I think that if you're seriously going to argue about violence being at historic lows then the mind is closed and there is only hate, however you dress it up.

BertrandRussell · 25/01/2018 06:51

Bridgetown- I am still waiting for some examples of the hilarious threads you’ve read on the feminist boards. The “crazy but amusing” ones?

Quadlibet · 25/01/2018 07:05

"class analysis", the paper thin defense for making bigoted generalisations, but only allowed when the target is men. Bigoted generalisations about other demographics being defended as "class analysis" being conspicuously absent.

maybebabybee · 25/01/2018 07:24

Incidentally a third of dv is committed by women

The stats don't reflect that many male "victims" are also perpetrators.

Imagine I've been physically and emotionally abused for years by my male partner and one day I shove him away and he falls over. He calls the police on me for assaulting him. That then gets recorded as domestic violence on my part.

That happens a hell of a lot.

changeAtAnyTime · 25/01/2018 07:29

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changeAtAnyTime · 25/01/2018 07:30

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bridgetoc · 25/01/2018 07:37

Bridgetown- I am still waiting for some examples of the hilarious threads you’ve read on the feminist boards. The “crazy but amusing” ones?

ChangeAtAnyTime has saved me the trouble Bertie..... A few examples right up there. ^^

Mental.......Grin

AssassinatedBeauty · 25/01/2018 07:41

The idea that the issue of violence isn't gendered is utterly ridiculous and so wilfully ignorant of facts that you have to wonder what the motivation is. It certainly isn't motivated by any regard for women.

maybebabybee · 25/01/2018 07:47

change

I can't put a percentage on it because of the way the stats are recorded but I spent 10 years working in DV. In that time I saw 4 genuine male victims. I don't mean I was just prejudiced thinking every other male purporting to be a victim came to us was lying, I mean they were proven to be lying. A few of them ended up murdering their partners, one ended up murdering both his partner and children.

But by all means if you really think the woman in my scenario above is as guilty as the man then crack on. Abuse over several years is akin to living in a war zone - many victims have PTSD.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 25/01/2018 07:49

Absolute FACT plumper

Lizzie48 · 25/01/2018 07:52

Incidentally a third of dv is committed by women

This is far too simplistic. A lot of these relationships would have violence on both sides, or have the woman fight back once.

It's really sad that there is such a problem with accepting that there is a problem with male violence, and yes I will include sexual violence, it's ludicrous not to. It's the reason why so many girls are not believed when they make disclosures of abuse. It's called denial.

It's also the reason why so many juries acquit alleged rapists, because they don't want to 'ruin an innocent man's life'.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 25/01/2018 07:53

The idea that the issue of violence isn't gendered is utterly ridiculous and so wilfully ignorant of facts that you have to wonder what the motivation is

Absolutely

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 25/01/2018 07:55

lizzie

Plus those figures of a third of domestic violence victims being men include men as the perpetrators

It would be interesting to see more of the detail as a poster upthread said

Lizzie48 · 25/01/2018 07:59

I agree, that's really what I meant, when I used the phrase 'fighting back'. I would also suspect that a woman who is a perpetrator has witnessed male dv during her childhood. As a PP has said, a lot of victims end up with PTSD. I have that, and it leads to overwhelming feelings of anger.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 25/01/2018 08:00

Sorry lovely i wasnt being clear

I mean men in a gay partnership or even men that beat up the male partner of their ex!!

Its a wide term apparently

Pumperthepumper · 25/01/2018 08:01

Pumper. I think that if you're seriously going to argue about violence being at historic lows then the mind is closed and there is only hate, however you dress it up.

I’m responding to the bollocks that you’re quoting as fact, Relief. And here you go, throwing around ‘hate’ again. It’s so easy to close your eyes to male violence, isn’t it? I do wonder why you’re so determined to do it though. What’s the issue with acknowledging the facts (backed up with sources) that I’ve given you?

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 25/01/2018 08:21

pumper

I think it may be an attempt to back out of the thread

BertrandRussell · 25/01/2018 08:33

Oh, I thought you were going to link to something funny. How disappointing.

OnTheList · 25/01/2018 08:40

Would any of the people who repeat statistics without addressing the OP talk about not trusting black people or the working class or Muslims?

I believe I answered this earlier in the thread, but if black people committed 98% of crime I would have absolutely no issue saying this. Same for if Muslims committed near all terrorism.

OnTheList · 25/01/2018 08:43

The idea that the issue of violence isn't gendered is utterly ridiculous and so wilfully ignorant of facts that you have to wonder what the motivation is.

Indeed. I do wonder about the motivations of people arguing that male violence is not a thing, its just 'violence'

OnTheList · 25/01/2018 08:46

Sorry, I have said this in the thread, but I namechanged yesterday. Forgot about that Grin

Pumperthepumper · 25/01/2018 08:51

The idea that the issue of violence isn't gendered is utterly ridiculous and so wilfully ignorant of facts that you have to wonder what the motivation is.

And it’s almost (almost) laughable - Relief was so keen to show men as the innocent victims in all this that (s)he quoted from a newspaper that (s)he didn’t even READ and linked to a report (s)he hadn’t even clicked on - just, here’s a quote that backs me up if I remove that fact and that fact, then put in a different link so it looks like I’ve given this any kind of analysis. Then flounce when called out on it.

Why not just call a spade a spade? Men have a responsibility to change this, all men. Why put all your efforts into denying it exsists?

Pumperthepumper · 25/01/2018 08:55

rufus probably. Disappointing though, I was looking forward to hearing how me saying ‘men commit 76% of violent crimes’ would lead to more violence. Not from men, surely?

changeAtAnyTime · 25/01/2018 08:57

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corythatwas · 25/01/2018 08:57

It's not about my courteous father who would never speak rudely to another person, let alone handle them against their will.

It is about my daughter's right to work in a cafe without customers threatening to wait for her and rape her because they are dissatisfied with the coffee.

It is not about my son who manages to walk around the roads at night without ever assaulting a female.

It is about my daughter's right to walk down the same roads and not be assaulted by anyone.

It is not about my male colleagues who are immaculate in their behaviour around students and staff.

It is about my daughter and other young teens who were groped on stage by a middle aged man at the same institution and unable to do anything about it.

It is not about all the lovely men I have met at parties and had a great time with.

It is about my daughter's right to go to a party and maybe even stay for a sleepover without some random male trying to push his way into her bed.

It is not about my loving husband for whom sex has always been a mutual act of engaging with another human being.

It is about my daughter's right not to be guilt-tripped and followed and harassed if she decides she doesn't want to have sex with any particular man.

For once, it is not about the men. IT'S ABOUT THE WOMEN.

Of course there are worries about men too. My son has been assaulted in the street. But it was by other boys his age, not by women. And it has happened twice, as an unexpected and unusual occurrence.

My daughter has to be on her watch every time she goes to a party, every time she walks home alone at night, every time she works in close proximity to men.

It is not hating him to point out that her life is influenced by the need to take precautions in a way that his isn't.