AIBU to next time tell him to fuck off?

[ohreallyohreallyoh]

Parking. I get the frustration for people living near schools but I never park illegally and never block people in. This evening at 4:30 I parked up in my usual spot about 2 doors down from the school as we are not allowed to park in the school car park. Bloke in van pulled in behind me, gesturing wildly. Got out his car and banged on my window, demanding that I move my car so He could park outside his house. Several times I head tilted and said ‘why’ and he repeated himself, each time just a little bit more aggressively. I had turned off the car and picked up my mobile to speak to my eldest to see if he’d picked up a loaf on the way home. Once I’d done that (man still shouting at me),I moved the car across the road but walked back past him to a very insincere ‘thank you’. Repeated again that my car was taxed and insured and that as I was legally parked, under no obligation to move my car. He then got really aggressive and yelled at me that he was ‘going to report’ me for being on my mobile. I laughed and said yes, in a legally parked up car with the engine turned off. So his response to that was that it was illegal to use a mobile in a car.

I shouldn’t have moved, I know. I was wrong, AIBU to stalk that parking space so next time I can tell him to do one?!

Am really shaken.

@ILostItInTheEarlyNineties

Thanks for clarifying that the guy in the scenario isn't my Dad.

If you could only clarify for me why you're so ardently defending an aggressive man, I think we'd be clearer.

I disagree Basil. Neither the OP or van driver came out of this situation covered in glory. They were both inconsiderate and difficult. The bad manners here arose from the hostile attitudes on both sides.
... In an ideal world this as scenario would have played out as follows:

Van man: Excuse me would you mind moving into that space opposite? I'd like to park my van outside this house.

OP: I can do that

Van man: Thanks I appreciate it.

Why are you completely and totally ignoring the fact that the van man's first interaction with the OP was violent and threatening?

As soon as he's violent, threatening or rude, he loses any claim to any consideration at all IMO.

In an ideal world, men like him wouldn't be violent and aggressive and wouldn't be met with lack of consideration.

I also think in an ideal world, what he would have done is waved at the OP so as not to cause consternation and politely asked how long she was going to be there as he'd like to move his van into that spot when she was finished. That's much more ideal IMO, than asking someone to move because you assume that your movements are more important than their's.

What? I'm not repeatedly defending an aggressive man! I've said over and over that there's no excuse for it. What is this nonsense? Are you confusing me with someone else?

I said in an ideal world the man could have asked politely and the Op could have moved in the spirit of good will.
Obviously that didn't happen.

There's a chance Op exaggerated the tale, there's a chance the man was a complete arsehole who feels he can bully women.

There is a very similar man who lives near my DDs' school. He's put up illegal 'no parking' signs outside his house. There is no permit holder parking, it's all public highway. There's no way it's any form of obstruction parking there. I parked there once, as I got tired of looking for another parking space, and went to pick up my DDs. When I came back, with my DDs in tow, he was waiting for us and really shouted at me, threatening to call the police. I stood up for myself, pointed out that what I'd done wasn't in the least illegal. He refused to accept that though and was still gesticulating at me when I drove away.

I was more angry about the way he talked to me in front of young DDs.

I chatted to other mums from the school, and he has plenty of form for being aggressive.

I doubt he would have spoken the way he did if it had been my DH.

I wouldn't ever do it again, though, as it was upsetting for my DDs to witness. They still remember 'the angry man'. So I wouldn't advise going there again. But I have no problem believing the OP's account.

It's not a surprise reading threads like this that we have a problem with childhood obesity in this country as children are too precious to bloody walk anywhere anymore!

Or rather people like the OP who have to go to work. Or people like us who applied for the village school and subsequent nearest and didn't get any of them.

I never park inconsiderately or illegally. But I do need to park.

As a little aside though I do confuse many people as I actually own the "pavement" outside my house (which isn't really a pavement) and means I can move people who park stupidly in it along. Those who don't, they can stay

I've never encountered the aggressive men that nearly always pop up on parking threads that threaten, shout and punch cars.

Lucky you. I've had someone pull in front of me, get out of their car, try to insist I get out of mine while they screamed insults and swore at me (why, no thank you, I won't be), then repeatedly spit on my windscreen.
I'm really quite glad to now live somewhere I don't need a car.

The behaviour of car drivers at my son's school is little short of disgraceful. The front entrance of the school is a main road with no parking, so a large number of parents use the rear entrance, which is at the end of a cul de sac residential road. Nearly everyone parks half on the pavement, and several, every day, park entirely on the pavement. It must be dreadful living in that road. My son and I cycle all the time, and I have taken to photographing illegally parked cars and sending the numbers into the school every day. So although the OP was within her rights, and although the other driver was rude and unpleasant, I can understand why she might have [at the end of a difficult working day, perhaps?] functioned as the last straw. When, many years ago, I lived near a school and had people park across my drive so I couldn't get in [or, on several occasions, out], I typed a message "Your parking here is illegal, selfish and dangerous" on some A6 sticky labels and stuck them on each wing mirror, retreated into the house and watched the resulting pantomime. Great fun. Motorists are, as a class, apt to behave in an intolerably over-entitled fashion.

When we moved into our house ten years ago we had a primary and a secondary school around the corner. Now there's two secondary schools and the primary has doubled in size, so you don't always know what you're getting into. People are desperate to find laces to park in our road and sometimes do so very dangerously.

One woman parks outside my house daily for 45 minutes which boils my piss slightly but I don't say anything because she's not in the wrong. Daily though I'm tempted when she encourages her kids to enter the car by walking across my property, kicking bushes as they go! Little fuckers...

Regardless, this man was a dick who tried to intimidate you and you shouldn't worry about parking there - just don't wind him up as he may also be on the knife edge of patience!

I don't think the OP was in the wrong, the van man was.

I lived on a street with no off road parking for 18 years. To make matters worse, it was a narrow street on a bus route, so all residents parked down one side only.

This meant space was tight, and first come first served. I have many times parked a distance away, lugging shopping, while wrangling kids/prams, etc, in the sunshine, rain whatever. Near a school, too.

And I still didn't feel any moral entitlement to the space outside my then house. Did wonders for my parallel parking skills, though.

The chap in the van could have parked in the other space the OP eventually moved to.

@ILostItInTheEarlyNineties

What? I'm not repeatedly defending an aggressive man! I've said over and over that there's no excuse for it. What is this nonsense? Are you confusing me with someone else?

Don’t worry, taskmaster has repeatedly accused people of saying things they haven’t as well as resorting to calling people idiots.

Indeed I have not.

Although the people who think they own the road outside their houses and get mad when people park there are idiots, you are correct.

some people bought their homes before children lost the ability to use their legs
Sorry, I know we are having a bun-fight but this made me LOL!

I used to live opposite a school.
I worked full time so not too much of an issue unless there was an evening thing going on!
OMG - I wanted to kill people.
But I didn't.
I had to 'smile and wave'

some people bought their homes before children lost the ability to use their legs

Funny my children seem to have perfectly good working legs, despite being driven to school. Am I imagining it?

I live yards from a primary school that was here long before my house was built. So I understand that school parking was part of that. However, we have dropped curves and driveways. Without fail you get cf parents pulling up on our drives and taking their kids to school. One male parent when I asked him nicely if he could remove his car from my drive said very aggressively in my face that I was a stupid fucking racist bitch. At no point did I say anything racist to him in the first place, never would. He started waving his hands about at my face and then carried on all het up and calling me a fucking cunt that should wait 5 fucking minutes because he was taking his child to school. And what the fuck business was it of mine anyway. I said it’s my drive and I would like you to please remove your car. To which he spat on the floor at my feet and walked off leaving his car on my drive!
I just wish that consideration should be given to residents. Maybe op and the van driver could have been considerate to each other.

Wow Sidelook - that's horrible.

Flat tyre territory I reckon!

I used to live by a local youth/community centre.
It was built after the houses (not really relevant).

Despite having it's own car park, I did have people blocking my drive, and parking on it.

Without fail, worst were the parents of Brownies.

Jeez Sidelook that's feckin' outrageous!!
Has it happened again?
If it does, get out there with your phone on video record and tackle them with that.
Then get the video evidence to the school.
I'd have called the police for trespassing and abusive behaviour.
Some people have no fucking shame!

OP I wasn't going to post as it seemed so obvious to me that you were not in any way BU but looking at some of the reactions you've had I felt I had to add my support to you. For all those who say 'why didn't you just park across the road/round the corner/further away etc. etc, I absolutely don't get your point, around the corner is still in front of someone's house, what's the difference? Either you believe no-one should park in front of another person's house ever, even though there are no restrictions on that space or you don't, and if you do..... I can't quite see how you except people to drive at all. I generally walk to my kids school (about 15 mins) but sometimes if I'm driving onwards to work or elsewhere I will drive. It's a very residential area, there are no carparks of any description for miles so if I was not to park in front of someone's house, I wouldn't be parking at all and would need to factor an extra half an hour into my morning. The school gates are open for strictly 10 mins, no more, so I don't even have an option of dropping early to allow for the extra time. All so that someone gets to 'own' the space outside their house that isn't actually theirs? Bonkers

Flat tyre territory sounds like a good idea, but he would only be there longer stuck on my drive. It’s a regular occurrence that parents seem entitled to park up on our drives. And that we should not ask them to move, they get very affronted.

You're allowed to park there and he needs to get over himself. If you were parked in his drive then fair enough but he doesn't own the stretch of road outside his house.

People like you are a blasted nuisance blocking the streets when you collect you little darlings.
Try parking g a bit further away and give ya backsides a bit of excersize and walk
I bet you don't live very far from the school either.

Sweetpea55, maybe try reading the thread? The OP has to drive, as she goes straight to work. She was also parking completely legally fgs.

I think I'd approach it like this;

Can I park outside someone's house? Yes, it's a public road. Go for it.

Is it reasonable to ask someone to move into an adjacent space if you return to your house? Yes you can ask.

Is it reasonable to use intimidation and aggressive language during this request? Of course not. Don't be a twat.

Is it reasonable to refuse to engage with the person asking you to move or refuse to move? Yes you're within your rights to refuse but you're being deliberately difficult if it's easy to do so!

Unfortunately, parents on school runs have got a bad name for themselves. It's true that many parents see no other option but to drive and park considerately (OP included).

However, many parents could walk/park further away/not block access/not leave car doors open blocking the path while standing chatting or park on paths but they do and they don't care.

People like you are a blasted nuisance blocking the streets when you collect you little darlings.Try parking g a bit further away and give ya backsides a bit of excersize and walk. I bet you don't live very far from the school either

Seriously? You read my original post and that’s the best you can do?

No street blocked. Parked legally. My little darlings Ned to be dropped off whilst I whizz off to fight the traffic to get to work. They are picked up during rush hour as a general rule on my way home. So no, we can’t walk because as I have explained more than once, it would mean I was late to work to teach your little darlings. And then I’d lose my job and be single mum on benefits. Would you prefer that? And if I park further away, I am STILL fucking parking in front of someone’s house.

The "park further away" suggestion isn't a totally ridiculous one.
Maybe not in this situation, but the roads directly outside the school are usually rammed with cars. Roads further out are generally quieter.

Parking further out reduces the congestion and makes it safer for pedestrians and pupils leaving school on foot.

Unless someone has a house that is only the length of one car, then parking on a quieter road outside a house would still leave room for the home owner to do so too, in theory.

There are a lot of campaigns urging parents to park further away; Park safe, walk safe (Brighton) Park and stride, School Keep Clear campaign (Nottingham). I think it's a good thing to encourage.