Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU to next time tell him to fuck off?

409 replies

ohreallyohreallyoh · 23/01/2018 17:40

Parking. I get the frustration for people living near schools but I never park illegally and never block people in. This evening at 4:30 I parked up in my usual spot about 2 doors down from the school as we are not allowed to park in the school car park. Bloke in van pulled in behind me, gesturing wildly. Got out his car and banged on my window, demanding that I move my car so He could park outside his house. Several times I head tilted and said ‘why’ and he repeated himself, each time just a little bit more aggressively. I had turned off the car and picked up my mobile to speak to my eldest to see if he’d picked up a loaf on the way home. Once I’d done that (man still shouting at me),I moved the car across the road but walked back past him to a very insincere ‘thank you’. Repeated again that my car was taxed and insured and that as I was legally parked, under no obligation to move my car. He then got really aggressive and yelled at me that he was ‘going to report’ me for being on my mobile. I laughed and said yes, in a legally parked up car with the engine turned off. So his response to that was that it was illegal to use a mobile in a car.

I shouldn’t have moved, I know. I was wrong, AIBU to stalk that parking space so next time I can tell him to do one?!

Am really shaken.

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 24/01/2018 21:13

Newmum2542, I think the OP was standing up for herself and not allowing herself to be bullied by a man who was being an ass and threatening her. His behaviour was the problem here not hers.

BigBaboonBum, if you can't access your drive, that's not legal parking and I would understand you being annoyed, you could call 101 about that. Drivers are not permitted to cause an obstruction. But in the OP's situation, she was parking legally. (So she says and we have no reason to disbelieve her.) As she says, wherever she parks it will be outside someone's house and she isn't in a position to walk.

caringcarer · 24/01/2018 21:15

If he tries this again start recording him hammering on your window with your phone. Then record where you are parked, no yellow lines, not near corner and not on dropped curve. Don't be intimidated.

JosieJasper · 24/01/2018 21:48

It may be frustrating for people but you did nothing wrong and he had no right whatsoever to tell you to move let alone become so aggressive. Some people seem to think they own the road outside their house. It's a public road and if your car is taxed and insured and you park correctly/legally then you can park there. I wouldn't have antagonised him though, I would just have explained you won't be parking there for long so he can jump into the space when you move (although if there was a space over the road why didn't he use it anyway?). My MIL always moans about a neighbour parking in front of her house and I'm constantly trying to explain it's not her space, they are doing nothing wrong!

browneyes77 · 24/01/2018 21:58

AIBU to stalk that parking space so next time I can tell him to do one?!

Am really shaken.

If you’re so shaken up, why would you deliberately want to go back and wind him up even more by “stalking that parking space so you can tell him to do one”.

Is that not potentially causing more trouble for yourself and risking him reacting even more aggressively?

sgtmajormum · 24/01/2018 22:24

I live opposite a school. I have no drive only street parking. I have to time my return/leaving the house with military operation to ensure i can park outside my house. The space is not mine and if im late i accept i have to park a few minutes walk away and move it once the school traffic chaos is done. He was in the wrong but sometimes it is easier to move and rise above it if he was that aggressive

MissesBloom · 24/01/2018 22:43

Sympathise with the van man as I live next to a school and had no idea before I bought my house how bad the parking would get.
Pulled up into my street yesterday, had my 2 and 5 Yr old was off school as we both have stinking colds. Had a car full of shopping and couldn't get near the house. Two mums had parked like as*holes and taken up 3 spaces with their 2 cars. Had to stop my car in the street with hazard lights on to get shopping into the house and then move car out of my road to park and walk back with kids. It's a pain in the bum and annoyed me when I finally got back to my house the mums were there chatting and kids running in the middle of the road for another 20 mins.
They just don't give a toss about residents who live with it every day. We know we don't 'own the road' and I'd never ask someone to move as I don't have that right but some courtesy wouldn't go amiss.

Van man defo behaved badly though and even if you are sick and tired of your street being packed it's no excuse to be rude and intimidating.

pinkpantherpink · 24/01/2018 23:25

head tilt

veuveo · 24/01/2018 23:45

Every day without fail I see some awful parking at the school. Yesterday was spectacular, someone completely blocking everyone, insisting she could park in this place, it wasn't her fault that someone had parked illegally opposite her.
I've seen one mum delight in parking on the yellow zigzags when the children finished early because it was out of the official no parking time. People seriously think the zigzags are there as a drop off zone, one parent ( a teacher) bumping up on grass verge every day despite the school sending emails out asking to respect the local area.
What is it about school parking that sends sane people into monsters?!

Coastalcommand · 25/01/2018 00:02

Could you not just have moved so he could park outside his house? He probably had stuff to unload.
Why make life more difficult?

GinDaddy · 25/01/2018 06:47

@coastalcommand

You just commented "Could you not just have moved so he could park outside his house? He probably had stuff to unload.
Why make life more difficult?"

Did you really take the time to post such a goady comment without reading the OP's thread?

She said she moved for him!!

The thread she started, wasn't about whether she moved for him or not.

It's about an entitled man banging on her car and being aggressive.

But don't worry, stick the boot in a bit on her like countless others on this thread.

ImListening · 25/01/2018 07:23

I would not have moved. And I’d have recorded him. In fact I’d make sure I parked there every day if the space was free. You’ve as much right to park there as he has. If you don’t want the hassle don’t buy a house near a school or hospital or shops. You get the picture.

I’m remember being accosted by a resident at my dcs primary. I’m a blue badge holders &was parked perfectly legally. She came out ranting & raving as to why I couldn’t park further away & walk from the local car park. And why was I parked there every day blah blah. I smiled sweetly & pointed to my blue badge. It took me 40 minutes to do a 5 minute walk.... some people are entitled. You aren’t. HTH

upshltcreek · 25/01/2018 08:05

It's not a surprise reading threads like this that we have a problem with childhood obesity in this country as children are too precious to bloody walk anywhere anymore!

Lizzie48 · 25/01/2018 08:13

That is not an issue with the op, upshitcreek. She has explained several times that she has no choice but to drive the car as she has to get to work afterwards. Hmm

Kaykee · 25/01/2018 08:54

So op parked legally get this man, instead of asking if she’d mind moving across the road as it was free, thought it was ok to shout and bang on her windows and it’s her fault? Think I’d have had a few choice words for him too.

I drive my children to school because we are out of catchment and it’s too far to walk, when we lived in the village we walked every day. Now park a bit away and walk up the hill, I’m not in a space for any more than ten minutes and if I was asked (politely) to move by someone wanting their space I would if I could, if I’m parked legally then I’m not going to move and make us late or late to pick up the boys, luckily no big parking issues where i park as I don’t need to be right beside the school. I enjoy the walk.

No one can park outside my house at present due to having a double drive and road is unsuitable but an moving soon and worried where I will park as no off-road parking, I have legs and not opposed to walking but with shopping for 5 it’s a trek if your car is in another street. But not going to stress over it just understand that it must irritate some people

taskmaster · 25/01/2018 09:07

Is that not potentially causing more trouble for yourself and risking him reacting even more aggressively?

yes women, when men are aggresive to you it is your fault for provoking them.

Hmm
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 25/01/2018 09:16

I wonder if posters have read the slightly dramatic opening post and it's incited an idea that this man was an aggressive monster.

I've never encountered the aggressive men that nearly always pop up on parking threads that threaten, shout and punch cars. Confused
And I live in quite a rough area with no off street parking.

"Gestured wildly" ......or just gestured?
"Banged on my window" .....or knocked on the window because OP was ignoring him?
"demanded I move" .....or asked?
"said Thank You afterwards insincerely"..... or just said Thank you?

OP certainly didn't say he was violent or aggressively banging the car?

I agree there's no excuse for aggression regardless of who was right. I wouldn't mind being asked to move if it was a polite request. I just wonder if people are imagining a violent thug intimidating OP.

Abbylee · 25/01/2018 09:31

OP, there is a legally correct and a morally correct judgement in situations. My dd accidentally had a potentially corrosive substance in her eyes. Off we went to the hospital. Dh cut a car off as dd was crying loudly, he was frightened and wasn't easy driving.

The other driver was very aggressive, blocked us from our exit, all sorts of bad behavior. We tried to gesture toward our screaming dd to no avail.

My point is, you do not know why he needed that space. It's good to be obliging if you can. Also, you could have been hurt if he was simply aggressive. Maybe now his kid will pick on your kid.

Try to be polite if possible bc it's safer.

Demiguisee · 25/01/2018 09:34

I know legally you're in the right, I'd still get angry about it though.

browneyes77 · 25/01/2018 09:45

yes women, when men are aggresive to you it is your fault for provoking them.

@taskmaster sorry - where exactly did I say she was provoking him? Are you on crack? Please learn to read things properly and stop misquoting people (and calling them names).

What I said was, if the incident shook her up so much, why risk putting herself back in the same situation with someone who obviously has some anger issues. Why go out with the intention of seeking another possible confrontation?

If someone has reacted that aggressively towards you that it leaves you feeling “shaken up”, why would you then deliberately put yourself in a position where it could happen again?

Gottagetmoving · 25/01/2018 09:57

If someone has reacted that aggressively towards you that it leaves you feeling “shaken up”, why would you then deliberately put yourself in a position where it could happen again?

Just because you are shaken up doesn't mean you have to give in to a bully. If everyone did that when this man demands they move from parking outside his house, he will always feel he has a right to move people on. He is wrong to insist the space outside is left clear for him.
Some views on here prove that bullying works and should not be challenged.

Bindibot · 25/01/2018 10:23

To the people saying don't buy a house near a school; it's not always that simple. When we bought our house the school at the top of the crescent was tiny. It had the 'misfortune' of getting an excellent Head and started getting outstanding ratings. And with that came more funding; so it's now 4 if not 5 times the size it was and the car park that was open to parents is staff only now.

We had no influence on that.

Saying that: the OP was in the right, and the man was a bully.

We do have a drive; but we're mostly out at school run time. We have had a CF park on our drive once. DP blocked them in but not in a malicious way, there was no where else to park that didn't block someone else drive way. He was just running in to change.

Within 2 minutes I had some man going nuts at the doorway; I didn't even have a chance to say hello....oddly enough he became a lot more polite when DP appeared behind me.

GinDaddy · 25/01/2018 10:31

OMG there are still more apologists pouring on here, one even taking the time to break down, line by line, whether the OP actually meant to describe him as aggressive.

I mean, even downgrading "banged" on the window to "knocked because the OP was ignoring him"....?!

Why do women refuse to believe other women when something aggressive happens? Even taking the time to explain to the woman why she is inaccurate in her description of what SHE experienced?

And worse, we get a poster saying "I've never experienced these aggressive men" (ah, so clearly the OP is lying because if she hasn't experienced it, it didn't happen Hmm )

Honestly it's so depressing.

browneyes77 · 25/01/2018 10:43

Just because you are shaken up doesn't mean you have to give in to a bully. If everyone did that when this man demands they move from parking outside his house, he will always feel he has a right to move people on. He is wrong to insist the space outside is left clear for him.
Some views on here prove that bullying works and should not be challenged.

I didn’t say she should give in to a bully.

But the OP’s question was ”should I stalk the space so I can tell him do one”.

To me, that is saying that instead of ignoring him being a twat and just parking where she sees fit, regardless of him - she will instead deliberately try and park in that space continuously just to purposely try and wind him up so she can have a go back at him.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 25/01/2018 10:50

I'm not justifying aggressive behaviour or excusing abusive men at all.

I just think the OP might have deliberately used dramatic language to incite a response. There's nothing wrong with considering a different perspective, although I could be way off the mark.

Of course men intimidating women with threats or aggression isn't acceptable. I'm sorry you grew up with a violent bully of a dad GinDaddy. I can't imagine how awful that could have been.
The man in this situation isn't your dad though. Sad

I'm sorry if I came across as some sort of aggressive man apologist. I don't believe there's any excuse for bullying or violence.

taskmaster · 25/01/2018 10:58

that is exactly what you are doing. Repeatedly.