to ask what helped your baby sleep through?

[TrinitySquirrel]

I know it's generally a development leap thing. But I'm getting a bit bitter about everyone else's babies (in my friends) sleeping through from 4/6/12/20/whatever weeks.

We've gone through a mild hell of between 20 minute to 4hourly sleeps for the past 8 months and it's making me so tired now I'm getting physically sick. The most he will sleep is 3-4hrs at a time during the night, then wakes up for a feed (formula) and goes right back to sleep. The same times generally every night. He is definitely hungry because he demolishes 7oz and all hell breaks loose if there is any less, then sleeps for another 3-4hrs. Or 2hrs if he soaks through.

How can I get him to take more in the day so he takes less at night so we can night wean him? He's on two solids meals a day with a few snacks and 4 or 5 7oz bottles plus 2 at night. We did get him up to 8oz bottles but as he's started solids he seems to have reduced his intake naturally.

6am - Bottle (crying for)
Sleeps again until somewhere between 8am and 9.30am - wakes up happy and babbly!
10am - Bottle with some thick porridge or toast to play with more than eat as never that hungry first thing
1pm - Lunch Solids + Water (eats all of it)
3.30pm - Bottle
6.30pm - Dinner Solids & Water (eats all of it)
8.30pm - Bed time bottle then sleeps for a few hours
11.30pm - Bottle (cry
2am - Bottle
6am - Bottle
Repeat

it's making me so tired now I'm getting physically sick

This sentence stands out for me. If you're feeling like that OP, the time has come to take some positive steps to help your child into a more acceptable routine. At eight months he doesn't need to feed during the night.

At bed time follow a set bedtime routine but don't let him fall asleep whilst having his bottle. He needs to go down awake. This is so he knows where he is when he's going off to sleep. He needs to be able to settle without having a bottle.

The next step to take is to offer water in the night, instead of milk. That on it's own might encourage him to sleep through.

If that doesn't really work, then controlled crying is your next step. He's old enough to cope with it and if you do it kindly and correctly, he'll be fine.

You can't go on as you are so you must do something.

I was desperate at 8 months. Did the version of controlled crying where you return at increasing gaps.

Worked for us, especially after DS found his thumb.

Like the OP I was exhausted to point of sickness. Had to change something. (In fact, this came too late for me, and I did in fact get seriously ill and didn't recover for a year.)

OP, if you are at the same point I was, do what I did - go see your GP and follow their advice.

Oh I just don't know which advice to follow! I'm at the zombie stage at the moment, I feel like I've been more alert when blind drunk than I am right now! Probably a safer driver too... oh sleep, come back to me 😭

Hey hollow I have been thinking about this a lot and remembering the hellishness of it. Yes to feeling like you are blind drunk at the bottom of the ocean. Yes to feeling 'Wow I should NOT be allowed to operate heavy machinery right now'.

I think you can see from all this different advice that there are no secrets and everyone does something different.

So you just need to do what's right for you. Give whatever approach you try a few weeks and if it's not working, try something else.

Time improves things. DD was on three meals a day and 4 snacks when she stopped needing milk durring the night. She was 13 months.

When I sleep trained at 9 months it was because I was at breaking point!!

The Sleep Consultant discusses a few different methods of training with me and asked how quickly did I want results.....days or weeks?

It was a no brainer.

I think your level of desperation is what will guide you in your decisions.

Thanks ohgood. We're currently trying set naps during the day time. But she still won't go down to sleep till late. We put her down at half 7 every night after a bath and bottle but she screams the place down.

HOLLOWTREE..

when you put her down at 7pm, sit close to her cot with your hand lightly on her chest so she can feel your touch, and make a shushing sound, quite loudly, on and on until she is settled, resist picking her up and putting her down if possible, it may take time and does require some effort ...but it worked with both mine.

As she gets settled gently take your hand away, but keep up with the noise so she knows you are right there, very gradually she will become settled in her cot without distress, and my experience was it got quicker and quicker for mine to get sleepy.
I always tried to go outside the room just before they actually fell asleep so they didn't need me to get them to sleep.

Good luck, sleep deprivation is horrible.

Honestly? Being put to bed in their own cot in their own room at 6pm, in the dark. From birth.
Routine of bath, bottle and bed from birth.
Not fashionable nowadays but it worked for all three of mine, the last one to sleep through from 6pm-7am solidly was 12 weeks.
When my daughter was born after an 11year gap, I decided to try the modern way keeping her down stairs with us etc. It was hell - she would not settle. I decided to go back to routine and literally within two nights she was a settled baby.
I think a lot if the modern wisdom about sleepy cuddles, baby-led routines and napping in parents arms discourage good sleep patterns.

I also think expectations have changed over the years. All babies are different, I know that, and genuinely bad sleepers have always been around, but when my oldest was born in ,1993, three months was the age that it was regarded reasonable to expect a baby to sleep through.
On the sleep board, I have seen it said that is was completely normal for an 18-month-old to be waking for a feed in the night, which to me is ridiculous.

My 1 year old doesn't sleep through. She was BF for the first 5.5 months, then bottle fed. Makes no difference. My older dd was the same. They sleep when they are ready. Older dd now sleeps in until 9am on a weekend!

I think you need to cut back on the lie in and naps.
As others have said she's frowned upon but Gina ford sleep pattern for this age is really realistic and easy to achieve. I was not mega regimented but found the sleep times really useful I may be wrong as it's been a few years but I'm sure it's something like:-
Up at 7
Breakfast
Lunch
Nap 12-2 (you'll have to keep them going through the morning you might have to bring lunch really early to start with)
Tea
Then bed 630/7
I can't remember in terms of milk and meals but I'm sure it's just one big nap at 8 months and def early bed time and earlier get up
You can start tackling night waking now as well if you're ready to cope with some tears

Routine and sticking at it.

Co-sleeping and time.

I've just double checked it's a short nap at 9 (45 mins) then 1230-230 afternoon nap
Otherwise timings are as above

Nothing really; I think it was their personality.
DD ebf wasn't a cluster feeder she had a 4 hourly routine from the start ( good) and dropped night time feeds at around a year , in fact she stopped bf but she continued to wake at least once every night through toddler and childhood until old enough not to come and bother us.
DS1 stopped night waking by 6-7 months ( ages ago) he was fully weaned by this time ie 3 meals a day and drinking from beakers. Remained a fantastic sleeper.
DS2 was more like his sister but multiple night feeding until at least2 and occasionally after this .and woke through the night through childhood..
they were all terrific with food .
Middle child most active and by far the best napper but I'm not sure that I did or didn't do anything special.

9 months and still waiting! Tried everything but sleep training: more naps, early bed, late bed, long/short bedtime routine, white noise, shush patting, comforters, feeding as much as I can in the day, the list goes on! But he still wakes every two hours, however, the for the past week he has been easier to settle and have managed settle without a feed on a few occasions....and has even managed a three hour stint! So think time as other pp’s have suggested is the only reliable way to a decent nights sleep. Go to bed early even though it’s boring you can get through this!

If he’s sleeping 3-4 hour stretches thank your lucky stars.

Buy some coffee.

That’s a good sleeper.

(Yes that’s not helpful but it’s true. You had a baby. This is the reality I’m afraid. Before you know it he’ll be grown and sleeping through.)

My DC has slept through from birth (other newborns on the hospital ward were the only thing keeping me up). He's now 9 weeks and goes 9pm to 10.30am

We co-slept from the start (even in hospital), and he's exclusively breastfed.

I'm a naturally very go with the flow and calm person. I think this wears off on babies and they can pick up tension.

Co-sleeping is a life saver for bad sleepers, I've heard.

I'm in no rush to put him into his own bed. He will go when he's ready.

I've heard white noise is good for some bad sleepers?

@sandybabytoes

Believe me I am a calm person. I co sleep, feed on demand and go with the flow. My DS still wakes up every hour and has done ever since he was born four and a half months ago.

I'm afraid your post is very smug and patronising. If only we would be calm and try white noise, all our babies would sleep!!!

Fact is, some babies sleep well and some don't. It's largely to do with luck, as well as if your baby has reflux or colic.

I've copied your timeline and commented in it. I noticed you mentioned 7oz bottles but don't know if that's what they all are, and this is based on that assumption.

6am - Bottle (crying for)
I'd make this 9oz
Sleeps again until somewhere between 8am and 9.30am - wakes up happy and babbly!
10am - Bottle with some thick porridge or toast to play with more than eat as never that hungry first thing
I'd just make this a larger breakfast with no bottle
1pm - Lunch Solids + Water (eats all of it)
I'd increase the portion sizes of lunch
3.30pm - Bottle
Make it 9oz
6.30pm - Dinner Solids & Water (eats all of it)
Increase portion size
8.30pm - Bed time bottle then sleeps for a few hours
Make it 9oz
11.30pm - Bottle (cry
Make 9oz but hopefully will take less. Once the 2am bottle has been cut out, gradually decrease this one then cut it out
2am - Bottle
Make 7oz but hopefully will take less. Gradually decrease then cut out

I'd also make sure he always goes to bed awake and never fed to sleep. Remember, you want to have cut out all bottles by 12 months - I found that a good motivator to remind myself the routine had to constantly change once weaning started and I managed it in the end. Hope that helps!

Rock I've never tried silent noise so I don't know. I've just heard others call it a life saver.

Sorry if my post came across as patronising, posts like this scare me shitless about having another DC again.

I stopped bfing at night and that helped them sleep. Unfortunately my youngest has gone back to waking in the night at 2 1/2 again , so just riding it out.

@Sandybabytoes

I apologise if my post was rude, those of us with bad sleepers have literally tried everything so it can be frustrating.

If you do have another baby and he/she doesn't sleep, it's not the end of the world. Both of my DSs have had terrible reflux so they didn't sleep as newborns. With DS1 I remember being out and about and being sick with envy at all the other babies snoozing in their prams or car seats - I had to do a complicated rock, tap and swing to get him to sleep at then hold him whilst still tapping 🙄. DS1 improved at around 9 months and we're still waiting for DS2.

I've accepted it this time round though. He's a bad sleeper - but it will pass with time. No point getting annoyed with it.

And I'm also convinced that everyone gets a period of bad sleep at some point. DS1 has slept like a dream since 9 months. My nephew on the other hand was an amazing sleeper as a newborn but has started having sleep terrors at the age of 5 and is up multiple times a night.

I actually feel like I could have written this except breastfed! Teeth 6&7 today at just shy of 9 months. A good night is 4 wake ups, a bad one is fuck all sleep.
Tonight we're sick, really sick :(
So fed up of not sleeping well.