to ask what helped your baby sleep through?

[TrinitySquirrel]

I know it's generally a development leap thing. But I'm getting a bit bitter about everyone else's babies (in my friends) sleeping through from 4/6/12/20/whatever weeks.

We've gone through a mild hell of between 20 minute to 4hourly sleeps for the past 8 months and it's making me so tired now I'm getting physically sick. The most he will sleep is 3-4hrs at a time during the night, then wakes up for a feed (formula) and goes right back to sleep. The same times generally every night. He is definitely hungry because he demolishes 7oz and all hell breaks loose if there is any less, then sleeps for another 3-4hrs. Or 2hrs if he soaks through.

How can I get him to take more in the day so he takes less at night so we can night wean him? He's on two solids meals a day with a few snacks and 4 or 5 7oz bottles plus 2 at night. We did get him up to 8oz bottles but as he's started solids he seems to have reduced his intake naturally.

6am - Bottle (crying for)
Sleeps again until somewhere between 8am and 9.30am - wakes up happy and babbly!
10am - Bottle with some thick porridge or toast to play with more than eat as never that hungry first thing
1pm - Lunch Solids + Water (eats all of it)
3.30pm - Bottle
6.30pm - Dinner Solids & Water (eats all of it)
8.30pm - Bed time bottle then sleeps for a few hours
11.30pm - Bottle (cry
2am - Bottle
6am - Bottle
Repeat

Can I just add that I would have booted DP out for a bit and co-slept if we hadn't had a tempur mattress - we were warned that it's not safe as babies can suffocate. I mention it in case anyone else has one!

He has to be in his cot as he's high risk of Sids (family history) so has to be on his monitor mat.

He did sleep in the 'next to me' with a snuza on until he started to roll but slept about the same.

We have a mesh bed guard for when he naps on my bed so he can't roll off but I dont feel safe with him sleeping in bed just yet. Feel like I'm so tired I'd end up sleeping that deep and not realise something was wrong.

I think your schedule looks fine but agree with trying to beef up the last bottle before you go to bed.
Honestly, he will sleep through when he’s ready.
Don’t leave him to cry it out, it’s cruel

Make sure the curtains are open, and if it is a grey day have the light on, during the day when he's not sleeping, so the day and night aren't blurred IYSWIM. We got a black out blind and it made a difference.

I noticed you said he has a bedtime bottle - where in his bedtime routine does that fall? If it's the last thing before sleep perhaps switching it around so the bottle is eg, before bath or story time. He could have got used to having a bottle then falling asleep, hence the cycle at night?

Before weaning how long could he go between bottle feeds? I notice at the moment it's between 2.5-4hrs, with 2.5hrs being during the night. I'd say this suggests it isn't true hunger making him cry as if he can go 4hrs first thing in the morning between bottles, he can at least do that at night. My son used to wake frequently at night but I started to refuse to feed him unless it was 3hrs between feeds (as that was how long he could go during the day). Perhaps a similar approach may help. I know this may involve a loss of sleep for you so perhaps start at a weekend. I used a dummy to help him settle and later weaned him off the dummy (as I found that an easier battle than weaning the feeds).

I'd also be increasing the bottles up to 8oz if he always downs a 7oz bottle and would increase lunch and dinner portions if he's polishing them off too.

Personally I'd still let him go back to sleep at 6am after a bottle, but that's because it's what I do with my 8mth old (he sleeps 7.30-6ish, has an 8oz bottle and then goes back to sleep for an hour or two).

Also, you don't say if he self settles for naps. If not, they say this is the key to sleeping through (although my son could settle at night but not for naps for months!)

Time. Nothing else. When you give yourself up to it it's a bit easier.

I speak as someone whose child doesn't reliably sleep through at nearly 5. I'm currently pregnant with DS2.

My husband and I do prefer a more 'gentle' approach generally and we've found that as he gets older he does things as he's ready - sleeping, feeding himself, trying new foods etc. Allowing him to take the lead has made things easier to cope with.

We didnt leave him to cry except for an ill-thought out 1 week period just before we 'gave ourselves up to it'. I found him covered in his own vomit after he'd been crying for 'only' 5 minutes. NEVER again. That still haunts me.

I work too so DH and I really shared everything and were kind to each other.

It was really hard but we look back and feel good about most of the choices we made.

Oh and as to others, don't forget a healthy dose of salt! One person in my group claimed her baby has been sleeping through from 12 weeks. Turns out baby wakes at least 3 times between 11pm and 5am and then very regularly after 5am and she counted that as sleeping through because she used white noise rather than feeding to get him back to sleep

Sounds pretty normal to me. I would maybe give the 5pm nap a kiss though and try an earlier bedtime? Some babies sleep through, others don't. My 17 month old has only just started sleeping for longer than 2 hours at a time, and that's only because we bought a super king bed and went back to Co sleeping, so he sometimes sleeps through once we're in bed with him! I would bare in mind that people's definition of sleeping through varies though... I think I once read that it's defined as something like 11pm to 4/5am. It's totally normal for babies to still want milk in the night at that age though!

Time (5 yrs precisely)

Time! my 11 month old wakes up every 2-3 hours (fun as i'm back at work full time). his brother was the same, he sleeps through completely since he was 4 years old, woke upmonce between 18 months and 4 years

There's nothing mild about the hell of sleep deprivation OP. Unfortunately, time, teeth settling down, and more time were what did it for my two. One was sleeping through more often than not by 12months and the other by 2 years. The first one was an almost guaranteed solid sleeper by 2 years old and the other one is just about there now at 3 years old. She's still a pain in the bum some nights though. But baby days are hard hard hard. But it will get easier!!!!!!!

Sounds totally normal. V similar to my DS.

Your job is to manage your own sleep and health (physical and mental) around baby's needs.

So go to bed early of an evening, if not every night then 3 or 4 nights per week.

If baby will take a bottle, express a bottle or get formula for DH to give at the first night waking so you have a longer block of sleep with earplugs in, in the spare room or on sofa.

Oh and your friends/NCT group are lying hth

So I have a huge amount of info I can give you which worked for us from the advice of a sleep trainer we used.....BUT and I say BUT it involves a week or so of worse nights when you're already on the edge but I was determined to break his habit. This is a habit you can break but it involves giving water instead of formula during the night.....reducing milk and upping solids.....no napping after 4 and the hardest one for you in your no sound proofing house - letting him cry for longer than you are at the mo.........x

Ooh just thought of something which I can't remember if it worked but it made me feel better at the time. Make sure his meals are as high calorie as possible, add soft cheese to mash, full fat yoghurts with every meal. DS sleep went even more to pot when I started weaning, and he was probably just hungry. Even if it doesn't work at least you feel like you're trying to solve the issue.

Nothing- My now 3 year old only slept through when she was about 2.5.

My son slept through from 4 weeks. Hes 1 now and still sleeps through unless hes poorly.

Wont last forever i promise! Hang in there.

My dd magically started sleeping through at 8 months for no reason whatsoever. She just decided it was time.

Prior to that she was waking every 3 - 4 hours

One thing I would say however is I wonder if supper time and bed time are too late? My DD has/had virtually the same routine as your up until 4pm, but she had her evening meal at about 4.30 - 5pm, bath and bottle at about 6pm and would be tucked up in bed fast asleep by 6.30/7pm

I would ditch the nap at 5pm and try putting him to bed earlier instead.

To all the people saying that those who claim that their babies sleep through the night are lying, it is true for some people! My LO has slept through the night (I.e. 12 solid hours, 7-7) since 12 weeks. He’s now one and this is still the case. However, I don’t take any credit for it, I think it’s just how he’s wired. At 8 months he was only having about 45 minutes nap time during the day, sometimes less. At 1, he has 30 mins and sometimes doesn’t nap at all. He’s clearly not the norm but it does happen.
OP I can’t offer any practical advice but I am sending infused with sleep inducing lavender.

Mine both got better once they started on food and slept through about two months in to weaning. They both then woke at 5.00 every morning until they dropped their naps aged two. Luckily then woke at 6.30-7.00.

Both were poor day time sleepers but it didn’t seem to impact on night times. They just couldn’t sleep through on milk alone.

I slept through at 18 months. Moving house broke my 3.00 am bottle habit apparently.

DD1 just did (at 8 weeks, 12 hours a day)
DD2 was prescribed something that is no longer licenced for children at 18 months when she still woke every 2 hours and began thinking the day began between 2am and 4am. Can't remember the name, think it began with a "m".
Ds did once he'd stopped having ear infections.

I did exactly the same bath routine etc for them all.

We night weaned at 7.5 months.and then he sttn. Up until then, I'd followed all the 'healthy sleep habits' etc and he still woke up for feeds. I night weaned and the intake was transferred to the daytime. He was also hungry for breakfast as he hadn't been eating at night.

Routine wise at 8 months was:

Wake up at 7am
Milk
Breakfast at 8am
Nap at 10-11.30
Lunch
Milk at 2pm
Nap 2.30-4
Dinner
Bedtime routine in a strict order:

Bath if dirty
PJs
Milk
Upstairs and brush teeth
Into room
Pull curtains
Gro Bag
Read story - the same one
Bed wide awake

Nap routine was as above from into room and a new nappy before the rest of it.

Like I say, I followed all the rules but no idea if it made a difference or not.

You're in the middle of a massive stage of change for them. Mine were nightmare sleepers at that age but in the space of a few weeks with a few tweaks they were sleeping through most of the time. Getting them up when they first woke in the morning definitely helped, and not napping after 5pm. Did a bit of controlled crying, shush pat not cio which w did for a couple nights only. Make a change and stick with it for a while, fingers crossed.
I'm sure things will improve soon till it does.

My son only STTN when I sleep trained at 9 months under the guidance of a sleep consultant.

Our routine was:

6.15am: wake up
7.30: breakfast
Nap at 09.15 until 11.00
Lunch: 11.30
Nap 2.00pm until 3.30pm
Dinner: 16.30
Bath 18.30
Bed: 19.00

DS was breast fed so had feeds throughout the day but we stuck rigidly to the above routine.

I was told to never make a feed be the last thing the baby does before going to sleep as they make the association that feed=sleep and so if they wake up they can’t go back to sleep without a feed.

When putting my baby down for naps or bedtime I would feed him first and then do stories and nursery rhymes afterwards and then in to his cot.

I agree with others that if he wakes at 6am, make that his morning get up time rather than give him a feed and let him go back to sleep because it only further strengthens the feed/sleep relationship.

And I’m not sure letting him have a nap at 5pm is the best idea.

It sounds like he’s squeezing in sleep during the day (after waking up first at 6 and then having late naps) which means he’s not going to sleep as much overnight.

I know sleep breeds sleep etc but there has to be the right balance.

Agree with starting the day at the same time no matter when the last feed was.

At this age he could be ready to drop late afternoon nap and bring bedtime forward to seven - makes 5:30-7 tough but stick in.

Sleep training (which people call “cry it out”) but it’s not really. You never leave a child to cry and cry and cry. You let them cry (for a pre agreed time 1/3/5mins) go in, settle, leave and repeat. A couple of nights/week at most and you both with crack it.

If you are happy that baby is getting enough to eat during the day then they are only waking for comfort feeds (which is fair enough, they are after all a baby) but it’s ok for you to say I’m sorry I can’t do this and “train” them to sleep better.

Pretty much the same as my nine year old, although he wakes at 6am and first nap is around 09.30.

If it helps, our routine:

06.00 - Wakes/Milk Feed
08.30 - Breakfast (Solids)
09.30 - Milk Feed/Nap (about 1.5 hours)
12.30 - Lunch (Solids)
14.00 - Milk Feed/Nap (about 1 - 1.5 hours)
17.00 - Dinner (Solids)
18.15 - Bath
18.45 - Milk Feed
19.00-19.30 - Sleep
00.30 - Milk Feed (although he has started to drop this)
02.30 - Milk Feed
04.30 - Milk Feed

Not great at night I will admit, but he is naturally starting to drop the first milk feed so I'm sure the others will come in time. I'm not really planning on any sleep training.

Nine MONTH old.