To not have a 'runaway' fund?

[runawayfund]

Met a friend for coffee today and we got chatting. I told her how I was trying to start saving a bit of money each month to have a bit of financial back up in case the car breaks or we need a new dishwasher etc. She then told me she saves around £200 a month and puts it in her 'runaway fund'. She was horrified that I didn't know what a runaway fund was.

It's a account that she keeps secret from her husband in case they separate and she needs to leave the home or runaway for whatever reason. She said it's a bit of financial security for her should the worst happen between her and her husband. I asked if this meant she thought they were going I separate one day but she says they are very happy and she has no intention of leaving but also said every woman should have one. Now I'm wondering if I need to start my own runaway fund?! Although I would feel guilty keeping that from my DH. Had this always been a thing?

If you swear blind that you would never have one of these accounts, and would never need it whatever, are you ABSOLUTELY sure that dp/dh doesn't have one of his own?

Unless he has a secret job, it would be pretty much impossible. All his pay goes directly into the joint account.

You can still be independent with joint finances.

I think the secret element is if you are in a coercive relationship and the coercer knows you have it, they might make you spend it. If they don't know it is there then it stays there for you to use when you need to rather than getting spent by them (whether that's directly or by drinking the housekeeping so you have to raid your savings). It's a rather guarded way to live but historically women haven't had a lot of options.

And for all of those who say their partners do not have a secret fund...how do you know . The whole point of a secret fund is that its secret.

Please put money aside.
If you never need it you can enjoy it in later life.

what smarmy said

Leaving isn't the only possibility: frozen accounts for legal or home office reasons, stroke of trauma induced personality changes. Major injury, illness, death!

I have seperate, but not secret accounts. As does DH. We have a shared current and savings account but our salaries, etc are paid into our own accounts and then a certain amount is pooled into the shared. I don't know/care how much is in DH's personal accounts.
Not really a 'running away' fund, but certainly an 'I can spend it on whatever I want' fund. DH had to dip into his to pay for some car issues recently as the car is his.
I suppose you could count our Irish accounts our 'running away' money - it's in case things go completely tits up in the UK and sterling goes to shit, at least we have some euros!
But money is one of those things that you have to find your own balance with.

Hope for the best
Plan for the worst
I have an isa dh knows nothing about
Not much in it but I plan to change that
Also have a joint account with dh but kept my sole account

If you have joint accounts that wages are paid in to, it would be pretty obvious if your partner was removing money!

I can understand the need if you are financially dependent but I'm not.

I have an isa dh knows nothing about. Not much in it but I plan to change that

How are you planning on getting more money in it without your husband knowing? Aren’t you even slightly ashamed of the deception?

The way my payroll works I can get my overtime paid into a different account to my salary.

You can take out £20 from a cash point once a fortnight, stash £10 spend £10 that's £260 over a year and not noticeable

Just sayin

I have one and always have, you know just in case I need to rent somewhere for six months, I have on occasions spent it on things like a car, when I do things usually turn tricky and I could kick myself

I have some money put away but it’s not just for that. If your spouse dies or leaves your bank account gets frozen I can’t work so I would need something if the unfortunate happened

I have one but it's not secret. It's something DH has always known and (I think) understood. He earns a ridiculous amount compared to my salary and I just don't like the idea of being financially reliant upon anyone; what if he was hospitalised for a time? What if he couldn't work? What if he left me for another woman?

I truly believe DH and I are in it for the long-haul, but I'm also pragmatic enough to know that happy-ever-after sometimes turns to shit. It's fine to love someone enough to marry them but to still secure your own future in case the worst should happen.

It is totally accepted here by me and dp.

We each have our own separate funds to spend as we wish.

The joint account is for household stuff, cars, holidays, repairs, emergencies, etc. no problem whatsoever.

Our own funds are our own. I don't see a problem at all.

Why would anyone wonder about that?

Oh maybe in a partnership/marriage everything is equal. Yes I get that, but that is funded in the joint account for everything we do jointly.

The rest of it is independence for both of us. I am shaking my head at those who think this might be wrong!

And it can be used as an escape fund if things go pear shaped, which no one thinks will happen... until it does.

Ladies, always have your own independent fund. It is a no brainer.

but historically women haven't had a lot of options.
This

Oh maybe in a partnership/marriage everything is equal. Yes I get that, but that is funded in the joint account for everything we do jointly.

The rest of it is independence for both of us. I am shaking my head at those who think this might be wrong!

No one is saying having your own accounts is a problem, it’s deceiving your partner and hiding money from them that some of us have a problem with.

Couples can choose to set up their accoubrs in whatever way works for them. You can still have the financial independence to buy what you want even if you just have a joint account.

No runaway fund but we both have savings, ISAs, pensions and other investments like properties in sole names.

I’ve been in an abusive relationship where I had no job so very little in the way of money in my account. When I did leave I had less than £100 to my name. But it was about £100 more than some other women I met in refuge because their abusive exes made sure they had nothing at all to start out with.

For that reason I would always teach my children particularly my daughter to a) always have her own money even if she shares finances with a partner one day and b) never be too afraid or ashamed to ask for help no matter how old you are.

We are both women, so perhaps that makes a difference in terms of gender equality and security etc, but I would never dream of having a secret account hidden away from my DW.

We are both cautious with money, earn similar amounts and all accounts are joint. All money is for family spending and luxuries and neither of us would ever comment on personal purchases the other had made.

We have money in a few accounts in two different countries and I honestly (though possibly naively) think that if she left me for another woman and cleared out all the accounts tomorrow, money really would be the least of my worries!

Purple Daisies,

No one knows what the other partner has. How would one know?

So a separate (even secret) account is nothing but an intelligent way to run your life in case of emergency. Just a six month running fund.

What is so wrong about that.

Believe me, no one knows what is around the corner ever. As we have seen so many times here with women in absolutely dire straits, never saw it coming etc. and so on.

Secrecy is not ideal, I accept that, but sometimes it has to be for controlling DP/H situations. That does not happen immediately it grows. And you know it.

So better to be prepared to fail, or fail to prepare. I know my choice.

and the prize for the smuggest poster goes to....

Neither of us has unknown savings. The idea of a runaway fund suggests a lack of either commitment or belief in the marriage. Ghastly idea that undermines marriage as a lifelong commitment

yep, divorce never happens, partners never leave suddenly, life is 100% predictable.

No I'm not
I work so I will use my wages to pay into it
We have been together for 24 years and afiak we are happy
But that could change...

Silver it's a bad idea anyway for ALL accounts to be joint. TM has told banks to freeze accounts BEFORE investigating whether or not people have British passports, sometimes joint accounts are frozen in death, there can be issues if one of you gets dementia or similar...

Secret/not secret.... you need separate accounts as well as joint Even if you prefer joint for day to day.

Some people are so trusting and so naive.

I said SOME. They need a wake up call in this day and age.

It is probably the feminist in me coming out now, but honestly I would never give up my independent stash for anyone now. Joint is fine for everything joint, but after that, separate funds are mine and my partner's to spend as we wish.

I wish I could see a problem with that, but no has elicited a meaningful response. Sigh.