To not have a 'runaway' fund?

[runawayfund]

Met a friend for coffee today and we got chatting. I told her how I was trying to start saving a bit of money each month to have a bit of financial back up in case the car breaks or we need a new dishwasher etc. She then told me she saves around £200 a month and puts it in her 'runaway fund'. She was horrified that I didn't know what a runaway fund was.

It's a account that she keeps secret from her husband in case they separate and she needs to leave the home or runaway for whatever reason. She said it's a bit of financial security for her should the worst happen between her and her husband. I asked if this meant she thought they were going I separate one day but she says they are very happy and she has no intention of leaving but also said every woman should have one. Now I'm wondering if I need to start my own runaway fund?! Although I would feel guilty keeping that from my DH. Had this always been a thing?

oh god yes,well i used to deal with all money bills etc

he used to get a small allowance and had no idea about the money

i will add he had no interest in money.bills and happily left it all to me (before we met he was a gambler)

It’s the secrecy that I’m uncomfortable about with these sorts of things.

There should really be no reason for either or both parties to have money in their own names if they feel they need it. It’s deceitful to keep it hidden, and possibly sows the seed of the very thing it’s trying to avoid. It’s very “me” and “you”, rather than “us”.

A more sophisticated version of this is a prenup. No reason to leave the money fallow for years in end when it could be put to use for the whole family. If/when the need arises, it goes to whoever the couple initially agreed it should go to.

You do what you need to do.

DH and I were talking about this today, he said I should have one for as long as I need to trust him again. He pulled the rug out from me a couple of years ago and I don't quite trust him anymore (yes, I know) and for the first time in my life I'm unemployed (coming up 3yrs), overseas, and basically would be fucked if he left. Mind you, id need about 60k to move internationally and give me some breathing space to find work, pay for deposits and childcare etc. Which is frightening. Once I start working again I'll start putting bits aside. If I get to the day I feel like I don't needn't it, it can become our emergency fund, or take 6mths off and travel fund etc.

Both of us have our own savings accounts. I have no intention of leaving and I hope he doesn’t either but I think it’s sensible to have some savings that only you can access. I’ve never heard it called a runaway fund though.

I have one that DH knows about!

We have separate finances apart from the joint account that we pay the bills and the mortgage from. I am better paid though and always will be (barring any catastrophic events) so will be in the stronger position if we were to split. We’re not married either so it makes sense for us to keep things separate.

I don't really believe in joint bank accounts other than for things like household bills. But maybe my judgement is clouded after watching my friend's husband clean them out and leave them without enough money to even eat time and time again due to his MH issues.

My Aunty has one. I've got savings in my name but don't think of them as a running away fund. That said I do think it's a good idea. So many times I've read on here about women who feel trapped in abusive (financial/ emotional/ physical) who feel like they do not have the funds to enable them to leave. You never know what's round the corner and reading some of the threads on here makes me feel like you can't fully put your trust in anyone. When my daughter is older I will teach her the importance of financial independence.

It does sound a bit sneaky. But with no income of your own (if that's the case) then you are in dire straits if your DP decides to call it a day if you don't have access to funds at least to help you get by in the early days.

I would never do this and I would be devastated if I discovered my husband had a sneaky, 'just in case my marriage goes tits-up or I fall out of love with her, or find someone better' fund.

@chachacha

My DPs only had joint accounts. When DF died very unexpectedly in his early 40s, it caused us (DM, DB and me) awful short term financial hardship because the accounts were frozen while his death was investigated. Things would have been very much easier at that dreadful time if my DM had had even a few hundred pounds set aside from which we could have bought food.

I don't understand why joint accounts would be closed, unless the deceased was involved in some dodgy financial dealings.

HIS accounts would be frozen yes, but not the JOINT ones.

Me and DH have 3 joint accounts including one savings account. I have access to all 3, as does he. If he died, I would be fine financially. If I wanted to split with him, I would simply open a separate account and transfer half of everything over (for me....) But I would only do it, when I had made it clear I wanted to leave the marriage.

I don't understand or 'get' having a separate account that your husband doesn't know about - in case things go wrong. It doesn't sound like the relationship is very good if you have to do this. Or that you have much access to 'his' money.

If women don't have access to the family money/man's wages, where are they getting their funds from for this sneaky secret get-away fund?

As @plums said, it's the secrecy that is weird. Having your own money/account isn't bad, but having the secrecy is. Why? Why are you keeping it a secret?

My mum and dad were one of those happily married couples; that is until my dad ran away with the OW and left my mum destitute. I was 17 at the time and doing A levels (I got two 'A's and a B) but I couldn't go to university I had to go out to work to help support my mum.

Following her second marriage my mum must have set up a running away fund just in case. She never needed to use it so following her death last year sis and I inherited £50K each!
With 50% of marriages breaking up sure you would be stupid not to have a fund that only you can access?

I would never do this and I would be devastated if I discovered my husband had a sneaky, 'just in case my marriage goes tits-up or I fall out of love with her, or find someone better' fund. confused

@chachacha

My DPs only had joint accounts. When DF died very unexpectedly in his early 40s, it caused us (DM, DB and me) awful short term financial hardship because the accounts were frozen while his death was investigated. Things would have been very much easier at that dreadful time if my DM had had even a few hundred pounds set aside from which we could have bought food.

I don't understand why joint accounts would be FROZEN, unless the deceased was involved in some dodgy financial dealings.

HIS accounts would be frozen yes, but not the JOINT ones.

Me and DH have 3 joint accounts including one savings account. I have access to all 3, as does he. If he died, I would be fine financially. If I wanted to split with him, I would simply open a separate account and transfer half of everything over (for me....) But I would only do it, when I had made it clear I wanted to leave the marriage.

I don't understand or 'get' having a separate account that your husband doesn't know about - in case things go wrong. It doesn't sound like the relationship is very good if you have to do this. Or that you have much access to 'his' money.

If women don't have access to the family money/man's wages, where are they getting their funds from for this sneaky secret get-away fund?

As @plums said, it's the secrecy that is weird. Having your own money/account isn't bad, but having the secrecy is. Why? Why are you keeping it a secret?

Having money in your own name is one thing (as ChaChaCha) demonstrates) - I do, not least because ISAs can only be in one name. It's the secrecy that would bother me; DH and I don't have any financial secrets, and I've never felt the need to keep anything from him. If you do feel that need, what does it say about your relationship?

A lady who worked at the bank told me every (female?) should have an escape fund. At the time I laughed (young and full of optimism). Having ended up doing a moonlight flit from DH then ex (whole other thread and then some) the first time taking the grand total of £3k and being flat on the bones of my arse the second time, then having become Mumsnet hardened, I would never again combine finances and be ready to leave at the first sign of twattery.

My grandma's husband died when she was 21 and she drilled into my mother (and my mother into me) that you should never rely on a man and always have financial means of your own.

I have £20k in my runaway account, it is my money to do with as I please. I love the security it gives me, I am in my relationship because I want to be and not because I have to be.

Ironically my parents have been happily married for 45+ years, bet my mum still has a runaway account!

There was a thread about this recently, in November, I think. About 80% of posters on the thread, including me, said they have a secret account or would have just in case. I’ve always been taught that women should have their own money, just in case.

Whether your OH skips off into the sunset with another woman or he gets hit by a car and is comatose with all the account passwords locked in his brain, it’s just good sense to have a secret account. It’s back up.

We have a joint account, and two savings account in each of our names that are hangovers from when we were single and before we were married. We both transfer 5% each of our total joint income into our own savings accounts. They are meant to be savings for madcap items of personal expenditure (DH is into motorbikes. Mine is a 'holiday' account. I have always thought of mine as a bit of a runaway fund if need be, because I know full well that if things went tits up for us DH would immediately freeze everything I had access to.

So I keep enough in there for plane tickets, a month's deposit on a rental etc. It's a safety net.

I never called it a “runaway fund” as I never thought he was going to runaway but I kept some money saved in case of an emergency and insisted he shouldn’t have access to it. Not because I distrusted him but because I knew he will find it easy to spend it on holidays, fancy food or gadgets.

It paid for legal fees beautifully after we split.

You should save anyway even if it's just £50 a month. I'd be terrified not to have had money for car repairs or whatever.

In terms of your own money , I think it's sensible to have money you can access which is in your own name.

I'd been working as a single professional for 10 years almost before I got married. I didn't put my savings into our joint account but did add to our joint account as time went on, as well as building up my own savings.

If nothing else, it makes sense to each have your own savings accounts for tax purposes like ISAs etc.

I now have substantial savings of my own as does DH and I could live for maybe 5 years off them without working.

We aren't big spenders and have cheap hols etc. just because we aren't into them!

A Fuck off fund yes, so you can quit your job or get made redundant, and in general some financial nous and access. Not a runaway fund - I don’t have one and I don’t need one.

@JingsMahBucket

There was a thread about this recently, in November, I think. About 80% of posters on the thread, including me, said they have a secret account or would have just in case. I’ve always been taught that women should have their own money, just in case.

WHY?

Why a SECRET account?

Doesn't sound like a very healthy marriage .... at ALL.

I think the reasoning behind this OP is that usually it's the man who is the highest earner when there are children (not always but mainly.)

This means that they could live off their salary and have more disposable income whereas women who aren't earning as much would struggle to support themselves short term if they wanted to move out and rent etc other than using a joint account.

No I don't have one of these either. But we have family money which is held in sole names in ISAs and things. So I have money in my ISA, in my name, but it's both of ours.

Mine isn't secret. I've got some left from my inheritance from my dad (before I met DH), and an 'emergency fund' intended to cover me if I have a bad month as I'm self-employed. If there wa an emergency it would cover the cost of a move, deposit and first month's rent, so although escape isn't the purpose of saving, I feel safe knowing that I could if I needed to.

those that say they would never have a running away fund kept from your DP,how do you know they havent a secret stash without your knowledge

ive known 2 men that have and their DP has no idea