To not have a 'runaway' fund?

[runawayfund]

Met a friend for coffee today and we got chatting. I told her how I was trying to start saving a bit of money each month to have a bit of financial back up in case the car breaks or we need a new dishwasher etc. She then told me she saves around £200 a month and puts it in her 'runaway fund'. She was horrified that I didn't know what a runaway fund was.

It's a account that she keeps secret from her husband in case they separate and she needs to leave the home or runaway for whatever reason. She said it's a bit of financial security for her should the worst happen between her and her husband. I asked if this meant she thought they were going I separate one day but she says they are very happy and she has no intention of leaving but also said every woman should have one. Now I'm wondering if I need to start my own runaway fund?! Although I would feel guilty keeping that from my DH. Had this always been a thing?

I have one, and which is imo sensible given I have given up a very well paid career to enable DH to pursue his. He has his, it's called his very healthy salary which would enable him to take on the mortgage and pretty much continue his life unaffected. Mine would be enough for a deposit on a flat, and a month or two rent. Hardly comparable but better than nothing.

I know first hand the fear that hits you when a partner walks out leaving you wth no job, no home, and pretty poor prospects.

Don't be naive.

Quite a bit of our money is in my name only - put there by my DH. We have joint accounts, but I’m the only one who has my own accounts. I’d never really thought about it before now, but certainly no need for me to stash anything away secretly. I think the fact you’ve never thought about starting a running away fund probably means you don’t need one. Have a savings fund, but no need to be secretive about it. The money in all our accounts belongs to both of us.

Never had a joint account when I was married thank god, always kept some ‘just incase’ money. I’m glad I did as it made leaving him easier.

I think it’s really important to have your own savings; mine aren’t secret but I will always keep hold of a certain amount of my own money.
It was having that which allowed me to leave an abusive partner. I wish I couldn’t save £200 a month tho for anything.

MY mum told us to have one. My sis has recently needed hers - her bf left and she’s using the money to keep their home.

I have one - it’s been depleted at present as I’m paying for orthodontic treatment but I have around £15k in there. It’s no secret from dh though. Just savings.

I think she's sensible and that it's a good idea if you can afford it. Even the happiest marriages can turn nasty. I am trying to build one up, not so much to run away but more in case anything suddenly were to happen to dh and I had immediate bills or ( morbidly) a funeral to pay for. We have separate bank accounts, he has a pot of money of his own which he doesn't seem to want to share with me. I would just like a fund of 5k emergency money saved.

I have secret savings and a credit card with a huge limit on it but unused. I wouldn’t call it a ‘runaway fund’ or even deliberately hide it. I just have it and haven’t discussed it with anyone.
It just makes me feel secure. I’d never leave him and I am very happy but equally I know that I’ve got emergency funds should he die or something happened and I couldn’t get work within a month or so and I needed to feed the kids, keep the roof over our head etc while I figured out a way to manage alone.

@Crumbs1

I'm sure everyone goes into marriage believing that they'll live happily ever after but real life doesn't work like that. But if wanting to ensure that we can eat and pay bills in the event of a failed relationship makes us "ghastly" then so be it.

I don’t have a running away fund, but I do have an emergency fund. My mother had nothing when she eventually left my father, and I hadn’t been able to save while living with the abusive boyfriend.

Now, with DH I don’t feel the need for a running away fund, but will always want to have a back up fund. I am also teaching my DDs to do the same.

It doesn't have to be secret. I've encouraged DH to have one too because if I did it become seriously ill the kids will be dependant on him alone and he needs funds that won't be frozen if I die etc..

For clarity, that is my own emergency fund in my name only. Not a secret from DH, but separate from joint money.

I have an emergency fund. DH and I have joint accounts and he knows I have around £4,000 in a seperate account. Not much but in a crunch time it might come in handy.

I'm totally comitted to my marriage, I don't feel that money reflects how I feel about my husband.

I don't have a runaway fund or any sort of secret savings.

I have a job though, so would always be able to provide for myself and DC, should DH suddenly morph into the type of person that I had to escape from in an emergency situation.

Women used to have jewellery. We generally longer have jewellery that is worth enough to survive on. Now we have ISAs and makeup bags stashed in shoeboxes at our Mum's house full of £20 notes.

You're an idiot if you dont have some sort of savings. For whatever reason. Male or female. I know it's impossible for some, it even is right now for me. But I count myself amongst the idiots.

When my first marriage ended I kept the tenancy so I was fine as I worked full time. But if I'd had to come up with first/last months rent and utility deposits I'd have had to borrow it.

Any person (male or female) who doesn't earn enough to get a flat and to support themselves/their children in case of 'the worst' happening should have a 'rainy day fund'. Call it what you will, keep it secret or out in the open. You need money to call your own.

I wish I had her for sight. I was beyond stupid to put my trust in another person. Even though I had his children and felt loved.
He still beat me up and made my life hell.
Only trust yourself is my advice.

I imagine it is a secret running away fund in the context of bygone years where the woman was financially dependent on her husband. He doled out some housekeeping money to her every month. Instead of spending it all on the house and domestic expenses, a small amount was salted away by the woman every month and kept in a personal account which was kept hidden from the partner.

In a sense, it was stealing from the family but for the security of the woman and her children, if she needed to spring them from her dh.

It is not necessarily secret in today's context where women have the ability to earn their own money and keep their own separate accounts.

Neither of us have runaway funds.

We have a joint account and mortgage, the savings account is in joint names but dh doesn't know the login details. He doesn't ask and they aren't written down for obvious reasons. I would never take the money though. The same for dh who has lots of work linked shares in his name. He'd never not share them with me, whether we were together or not.

We both work full time, earn similar amounts and neither of us is going to leave the other destitute. I don't think that's naivety, we've been together for 23 years and been through so much crap together, we trust each other implicitly.

If you swear blind that you would never have one of these accounts, and would never need it whatever, are you ABSOLUTELY sure that dp/dh doesn't have one of his own?

You could have the absolutely strongest marriage in history but if something untoward happens what then?

I think it is about independence, and gives me such relief to know that no matter what happens I will be able to dip into my emergency fund and pay for what is needed in an emergency, or an unforeseen break up, whatever.

Surely that is sensible.

There's nothing wrong with having your own savings, whether in the form of an emergency fund or similar, but calling it a 'runaway' fund is a bit mad. If my OH had this I would be gutted, and vice versa.

This is something people in abusive situations can be advised to have (obv if it's safe to do so)...if a friend told me she had one this might ring an alarm bell. Not saying that's the case with your friend, OP, it's just what it made me think of.

I have a savings account that I set up when I began working and have put a tiny amount in once a month ever since, so for over 20 years now. DH knows about it; we regard it as a pension fund, but it is in my name and so I suppose if ever I needed a running away fund, that would be it.

Dh was married before and has kids, we got together in our early 40s. Our finances are separate.

We both know the other could cope on our own If we got divorced, I have savings, that to me seems sensible not dreadful.

He knows roughly what I’ve got and vice versa. I lik3 the feeling of security it gives me.

Ball, once you're IN an abusive situation it is hard to set one up. You set one up when you're NOT in an abusive dynamic so that if your situation ever becomes abusive, you don't need to put up with it for long!

I think she is very sensible. Many women have been caught out by the unexpected.

I don’t have one, I have no intention of leaving. We do have a “go bag” each for emergencies, and some money buried in a secret place in case we need to abandon Home for some reason