To not have a 'runaway' fund?

[runawayfund]

Met a friend for coffee today and we got chatting. I told her how I was trying to start saving a bit of money each month to have a bit of financial back up in case the car breaks or we need a new dishwasher etc. She then told me she saves around £200 a month and puts it in her 'runaway fund'. She was horrified that I didn't know what a runaway fund was.

It's a account that she keeps secret from her husband in case they separate and she needs to leave the home or runaway for whatever reason. She said it's a bit of financial security for her should the worst happen between her and her husband. I asked if this meant she thought they were going I separate one day but she says they are very happy and she has no intention of leaving but also said every woman should have one. Now I'm wondering if I need to start my own runaway fund?! Although I would feel guilty keeping that from my DH. Had this always been a thing?

If you are hiding money from your spouse and lying about it, your relationship is in trouble. And you're not a very nice person.

The naivety in this post is actually enough to make me smile.

I agree that it being a secret is a bit concerning.

But having a separate savings account just for you? No, I think that's damn smart and I think everyone should have one, male or female. Just in case.

You never think you'll need it until you do.

I don't but that's because we have joint money and it all goes into the same pot, and I'm the only one who remembers the password seeing as I deal with all the banking.

I trust myself so if I had to runaway I'd only take half of everything

This is weird. The only reason I'd consider saving £200 per month secretly is to surprise DH with a holiday or something similar

But @Strokethefurrywall he can still go into the bank with ID and empty the accounts if he wants to.

7 months ago stbxh left me for OW. Fortunately l have savings that have enabled me to be able to pay for a solicitor. If l hadn't I'd have been in deep shit.

Has cost me nearly £5000 so far.

So yes. I would now say absolutely have your own seperate savings

The naivety in this post is actually enough to make me smile

Its naive to say that if you are lying to your spouse and hiding money from them you obviously have issues? No, its just a simple fact.

You're the naive one if you're relying on hidden cash instead of your marriage. Sad for you that you feel the need.

Why are people so confused on this thread? For the people finding uit hard:

Having your own savings: great idea, if thats how you want to do your finances.
Hiding joint money and lying to your spouse: not a good idea and very bad for relationship.

Does it really need to spelled out that stealing and lying is bad? Are you all two years old?

You're the naive one if you're relying on hidden cash instead of your marriage. Sad for you that you feel the need.

Read this one out to my husband. He's laughing too.

Is he? Shame neither of you get it. You must be well suited.

Does it really need to spelled out that stealing and lying is bad? Are you all two years old?

Please, I beg you, stop. You're killing me...

that painful to realise how wrong you got it? Bless.

But if you’d husband doesn’t know it’s not lying. I don’t telll him how much a pair of shoes cost or what I spend on a birthday present.

I actually got a tax rebate last year, 1.2k. I only told him after a couple of days.

My dh and I both have savings accounts of our own. Over the ups and downs of 20 years of marriage I have found that knowing I can afford to leave if i want to makes me know I stay because I want to. I think that removing the sense of feeling financially trapped makes us both able to make more clear headed decisions when we are going through the inevitable rough patches.

But if you’d husband doesn’t know it’s not lying.

Deliberately hiding a stash of money away is pretty deceitful though, especially if you’re taking money from a family account to fund it.

I have absolutely no issue at all with people having separate savings accounts that their partner is aware of (it doesn’t matter if they know the balance or not).

I agree with task. It's all abit odd and paranoid. All the dramatic secrecy, "running away" lying, squirrelling money away, confiding in friends to see if they have them too. Not the person I want to be or the relationship I want to be in.

If a friend told me she had a running away fund I would be bemused and think she was abit weird.

The way I'm reading this, taskmaster appears to be saying that your relationship is in trouble if you have a secret fund.

But if your relationship is in trouble, seems to me you SHOULD have a secret fund. Even if it does make you a not very nice person.

I can't quite see the logic, but then I've been laughing for the last few minutes (started with taskmaster's brilliance, and then husband started doing this weird monologue thing around the subject, can't really explain by writing it down but it's hilarious), so the screen's looking a bit blurry.

But if your relationship is in trouble, seems to me you SHOULD have a secret fund.

If your relationship is in trouble to such an extent that you think you need a secret stash in case you have to get away, you should just leave.

A secret stash makes that much easier.

A stash makes that easier. It doesn’t have to be secret.

We see marriage as a financial union. We disclose all our income and savings so I would see squirreling away money as a breach of trust.

We are a unit. I reject the idea of financial independence in marriage. You surrender your financial Independence when you sign on the dotted line. I make financial decisions on what is right for us not for me. We committed to being together for ever and it is on that basis I shall plan.

I think it is different to writing a will because writing a will does not increase your chance of death. How you view your marriage and the actions you take determine its success.

Imagining what your life would be like single is the first step to getting there. I'm sure those thoughts have crossed everyone's mind but acknowledging openly is another step and undermines the emotional bond. Actively arranging your affairs to suit a failed marriage would be a step too far for me. It's treasonous.

I don't take the "mercenary" approach where I run the calculations and decide if I'd be better off getting a divorce, I intend to stay in my marriage come what may. If I was left with no choice and the worst happened, I'll figure something out but I'm not going to plan for it. If "till death do us part" meant nothing what does marriage mean?

What a load of patronising bollocks.

You surrender your financial Independence when you sign on the dotted line.

I didn't.

I intend to stay in my marriage come what may.

No matter how much in love you are, there really should be one or two things which, if they did happen, you should not tolerate.

Deliberately hiding a stash of money away is pretty deceitful though, especially if you’re taking money from a family account to fund it.

I guess because it comes from my wage I don’t see it like that.

It’s not that complicated I get paid X, x goes to joint account, x to DC savings, x to savings 1 & x to savings 2. Not £200 a month though. DH knows my salary & main outgoings. Would it be different if you had a certain amount left over each month & just left it in your current account?

@choli you have worded what I wanted to say perfectly I have a Secret Stash /Fuck of Fund and unless you are 110% financially independent I think everyone should have one. I'm not in the position to save £200 a month but saving over the last 5 years Has given me balance that would give me peace of mind if needed for whatever reason