To not have a 'runaway' fund?

[runawayfund]

Met a friend for coffee today and we got chatting. I told her how I was trying to start saving a bit of money each month to have a bit of financial back up in case the car breaks or we need a new dishwasher etc. She then told me she saves around £200 a month and puts it in her 'runaway fund'. She was horrified that I didn't know what a runaway fund was.

It's a account that she keeps secret from her husband in case they separate and she needs to leave the home or runaway for whatever reason. She said it's a bit of financial security for her should the worst happen between her and her husband. I asked if this meant she thought they were going I separate one day but she says they are very happy and she has no intention of leaving but also said every woman should have one. Now I'm wondering if I need to start my own runaway fund?! Although I would feel guilty keeping that from my DH. Had this always been a thing?

THE prime minister? First of all, not mine. You're not so arrogant as to think everyone lives the same place as you are you?
Also, she is your PM right now she won't be for long. Your financial arrangements should be long term, nothing to do with who currently is in charge. Not that she has got fuck all to do with freezing bank accounts anyway.

Task master no I'm not living in soapland, but you're living in Disney land, where if you are clever enough to chose the right Prince nothing will ever go wrong ever again for the rest of your lives The End.

Nobody in your land has a strike and recovers physically and with capacity but with a personality change.

Nobody gets early not yet diagnosed dementia the kind where you're still "functional" but without the filters that stop you blowing all your cash

Nobody gets scooped up in a government "hostile environment" banking policy unless they're exactly the sort of person who should be targeted

nobody who has previously appeared content does a 180

Nobody's wills get contested and assets frozen

Etc

It's pretty practical and I have one on the go - I hope my husband and I will be together forever but experiencing the shock of my own parents divorce and the lack of money my mum had, gave me a sense of reality, life is not predictable. My husband knows about my own savings and also finds it practical and has his own savings account. Hopefully it will just go on nice holidays in our retirement but I'm pleased I have it and it makes me actually feel more secure in our marriage know I am financially independent.

"strike" stroke

Not that she has got fuck all to do with freezing bank accounts anyway.
Yes she does actually.

Task master no I'm not living in soapland, but you're living in Disney land, where if you are clever enough to chose the right Prince nothing will ever go wrong ever again for the rest of your lives The End

What I said was if you have proper financial arrgangements. How did you get that so confused?

What I said was if you have proper financial arrgangements. How did you get that so confused?
Not if ALL of your accounts are joint you don't.

YANBU. I have never heard of a 'runaway fund' and i would never dream of squirreling cash away from our joint accounts. It's 'our' money which we would never hide from each other. That would just be weird!

This prompted me to look up how much money I have in mine (I dip into it occasionally for frivolities). I told my husband how much was in it (he has always known about it). His reply was, "Fuck, you'll never escape from me on that amount. Up your game, woman."

@PoorYorick LOL! I like the cut of your husband's jib.

Not if ALL of your accounts are joint you don't

I do though. You're not actually saying you know more about my finances than I do, are you?

at Yorick!

No, I don't have a "runaway fund" - all our finances are managed jointly, so it would feel really wrong.

He's a funny chap :)

He is very big on women having their own funds (the name you choose for it doesn't really matter), and he doesn't think he can really add, "but not my wife."

I like him too @PoorYorick

I can't think of a downside to a fund tbh. Absolute worst case you end up with a useful lump sum. Like I said earlier, we all buy buildings and contents insurance just in case so why the squeamishness about this just in case? We're surely not so naive that we will all have a fairytale ending even though we can't see it now?

I can't think of a downside to a fund tbh
I just can't get my head around those who think you have a stronger/better relationship if you DON'T have one
Staying in a relationship you don't have the means to easily leave isn't more romantic than staying in a relationship you DO have the means to leave, but chose to stay in!

I agree there are no downsides to having an emergency fund. Given that women are usually more financially vulnerable, it just makes sense. Best case scenario, you have a load of untouched money. Worst case scenario, if you really need it, it's there.

Husband's on fire tonight. I'm telling him about the thread and he's just said, "Well what if I get kidnapped and you need to stump up some ransom? I'd rather you used your own money, so save more, ok? I'll be worth at least twice what you've got in there."

I just told him I'll pay them to keep him.

I think if I mentioned this to my DH he would genuinely think I had really lost it this time and had been watching too many thrillers.

After reading an affair thread I challenged him and he wearily said the only window he had to have an affair was on the bus to work.

I agree there are no downsides to having an emergency fund

There is if it is hidden from your spouse.

There is if it is hidden from your spouse.

Mine isn't. But it would still exist if it were.

Wow lots of differing opinions.

It's important to have some access to funds in your own name to maintain a credit rating and if something unexpected happens - unexpected death, injury, illness meaning the accounts get frozen until things are sorted...

I do. It’s a safety net for the safety net.
Money from before we met too so I have no qualms about it.

I just think it’s a bit dishonest to keep a secret stash of money from your DH. I’d be really upset if I found out he was doing this.

I don’t have one at the moment but the property ‘we’ own is actually mine and he’d have no claim on it.
When I’m in a financial position to, I will certainly set one up under one of my children’s names. I’ve been left high and dry as a single parent before and been in positions where I’ve had no safety net and I wouldn’t leave myself or my children open to that again.
I wouldn’t lie to my OH about it if he asked though. I do think that £200 a month mentioned in the OP would be a lot for us though so my ‘squirrelled away’ amount would be far less and would be an amount from what’s left at the end of the month.

Mine isn't. But it would still exist if it were

And that would be a problem.

If you are hiding money from your spouse and lying about it, your relationship is in trouble. And you're not a very nice person.

I have separate account from DH & a secret savings account.

I think it’s prudent. It’s not a reflection on our relationship, I think he’s great. However people change & if he had one I wouldn’t be that bothered actually.