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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel irratated by perfectly able adults who will not learn how to drive??

283 replies

SmileysPeoples · 27/04/2007 17:09

They are so blinking dependent on others.

Always asking for favours.

Never going anywhere alone.

Just bloody do it, the rest of us had too.

(the ones I know also won't use public transport ffs)

Oh and the ones I know are women whose husbands even have to take them to the ahirdressers.

How feeble are they??

Am I alone in this irratation?

OP posts:
Nbg · 29/04/2007 20:23

I cant drive.

Well I can drive, I just dont have a licence

It does piss me off though. Was having lessons as soon as I turned 17 and now at almost 25 years old and nearly 3 kids later, I still cannot drive.

chocolattegirl · 29/04/2007 22:17

I passed my test when I was 21 but didn't get around to buying a car until I was 25. I couldn't afford it for one thing and secondly I was just relieved at having passed, actually using my licence was another matter. My then bf let me drive his car around empty carparks at night to get me used to driving the car then he got me back on the roads again. A year or so after that I realised that I could afford to get my own car so I did so. I've run a car ever since (and been the poorer for it ever since too.... but that is the price you pay... lol)

In my non-driving period, I was renowned for not asking for lifts and getting 2 buses etc to meet people at the pub rather than expect them to troll round for me. I'm sure that I was fitter then for all the walking I used to do, plus you notice more about your neighbourhood. No going back for me now. This weekend my dp mooted him buying my car from me when his car gives up the ghost, on the basis that I don't use my car much during the week and weekends, we're together most of the time but I was dumbstruck at the thought of parting with it. Even though I can use family cars, I'd hate to not have my own wheels now. So shoot me.

mm22bys · 29/04/2007 22:31

If there is no reason why they don't drive, and they are stuck at home, that is their problem.

If you don't want to give them a lift tell them so.

It's none of your business if your friend's DH drives her everywhere or not, if that's their arrangement and they are happy with it then that's what matters, not your opinion.

bewilderbeast · 29/04/2007 22:32

i think you are unreasonable how do you know that they are perfectly able, my dp has a medical reason for being unable to drive but you can't see it for looking at him, and why should people have to drive if they don't want to. I think it's rude and disrespectful to call them feeble. If you don't want to drive someone somewhere don't do it just say no.

mummytosteven · 29/04/2007 22:33

Kerry - no, feeble is not making suitable arrangements to take your boys away by public transport or minicab, not not driving per se!

Sunyshineymummy · 29/04/2007 22:34

Ooops I'm one of these but I live in central London so get public transport or walk everywhere. Am just about to move to the burbs so planning to learn but I find it sooooo boring (have had lessons before but never become competent enough to take a test).

morocco · 29/04/2007 22:39

mil does this and it annoys hell out of me, but she's cut out the lifts part and just gets other people to do her tesco shop for her
sigh

sheepgomeep · 29/04/2007 23:19

Bit difficult when you don't have the money.

dp would love to learn but its very expensive.

saying that though it does really piss me off when certain friends of ours ask for lifts all the time because 'they have no money for bus fares' or they can't be bothered to take the kids on public transport. No but they go thier other friends by bus because they can't drive, so its me they use

I am using my mums car at the moment, so if I feel really cantankerous I just say sorry my mum has had the car back for a bit so please hop on the bus!

oh and its the ones that don't offer petrol money or rpay the favour in other ways that make me grrr

Skribble · 29/04/2007 23:58

I was a late learner, I passed at the age of about 26, passed first time though. The instructor can make a big difference ( even though mine said I would probably need an extra lesson for every year I was over 17, gee thanks).

I did cram in quite a few lessons I suppose, I found it best to do as many in a week as I could afford, we just didn't eat for a few months .

ipanemagirl · 30/04/2007 00:10

Smileysp - I learned late (in my 30s) for three reasons

  1. I had about 3 male driving instructors when I was 16 who were all some of the following: sexual predators, idiots, misogynists, bullies. Not a recipe for good learning. One of them kept forcing me to drive onto roundabouts when I was really frightened. Altogether I was profoundly put off
  2. I was in three car accidents which made me even more nervous about driving and being a passenger
  3. I lived in London for years. No need for car. Car would be a hindrance and too expensive at the time. I know loads of people in London who never learned.

Now if I'd had a lovely dad at home to endlessly take me out, and plenty of cash for lessons and no pervy tosser putting me off and fewer car accidents to give me The Fear and hadn't lived in London. I might have learned sooner!

I think people are petrified and put off by DREADFUL driving instructors.

I learned eventually from an excellent female instructor who specialised in nervous passengers. She was wonderful - I passed first time and she didn't patronise me once. Try and find a single woman who hasn't been patronised by her male driving instructor! There must be some good ones out there but I certainly haven't seen or heard or many!

ipanemagirl · 30/04/2007 00:12

sorry - she specialised in nervous learners.
also - I agree, it's annoying to those of us who can do it!

daydreambeliever · 30/04/2007 01:14

I have always wished my mother would learn to drive. She had lessons for years, but I think she saw it as more of a hobby, like tennis lessons, than something with an endpoint. My dad probably conspired to not have her do the test, partly cos he's quite sensible with money and running two cars is expensive, but partly cos he likes to be the 'man', the one who has the bank account and car keys. But my mum often used to take a taxi for 20 mins to get to/from work. Not cheap. And now shes retired she is isolated. And I dont think she even knows how isolated she is. If youve never been able to just take off on a whim, drive to a random town to check something out, drop in on a rellie, just drive down country lanes to get somewhere nice, then you dont miss it. But if anything happened to my dad, I dont know how she'd manage.

So I wish she had learnt. But Im not allowed to nag her about it anymore.

giddyfeet · 30/04/2007 02:06

I dont drive but I couldnt afford to even if I could...

chocolattegirl · 30/04/2007 05:47

Daydreambeliever - that's partly why I won't give up my car. If my dp and I split up and he had the sole driver then I might lose my confidence in driving even though where I currently live I can get by on public transport. We've been talking about moving to another part of the country though where public transport isn't as good or as relatively cheap as London transport is, (unless you book trains six months in advance)! If we do move, I shall definitely hang onto my car come what may.

marieg76 · 30/04/2007 11:06

Poor Smiley! I think that she is being perfectly reasonable. She's saying that she finds it annoying to be depended upon and constantly badgered for lifts (not offering lifts, but being badgered and expected to be the chauffeur) by people who have no reason not be able to drive. So for those who haven't ready the thread, that doesn't include those that a) can't afford to learn to drive b) have psychological issues about driving c) happily rely on public transport
d) have sight problems etc

Give her a break!!

PetitFilou1 · 30/04/2007 12:53

I think the trouble is that you are actually annoyed with people who blag lifts not really with people who don't learn to drive in general. I took 4 driving instructors, over the course of about 15 years, and a switch from a manual to an automatic to learn to drive just before dd was born (two children and no licence seemed impossible). 21 months later and I still don't like driving much except on short routes I know well. Doubt I ever will. Dh says I'm not a bad driver but I am still scared of something happening to me and/or the children everytime I go anywhere that isn't just local. However, I have never blagged lifts and only accepted when offered. As a result I did not have an exciting life when I was a teenager living in a village (parents did not offer) but I was perfectly happy. If someone is pissing you off though, take it up with them rather than with the whole non-driving population!

purpleduck · 30/04/2007 13:01

i don't drive, but i do happily walk. But i'm cheesed off with people who think i'm "lucky" for being reasonably slim...if they got out of their cars and walked somewhere....

OhHellNoUK · 02/10/2017 06:37

I don't drive due to having ptsd from being involved in a large motorway pileup. If i was to drive, i'd be so anxious and cautious that i'd no doubt cause an accident. So, for the safety of everyone, i walk, have my partner drive, or take public transport.

Not all of us want to live like "Driving Miss Daisy"!

MsJamesDeanBradfield · 02/10/2017 06:41

OhHellNoUK

Do you realise this thread is 10 years old?

Herja · 02/10/2017 06:51

I did learn to drive. Cost me about 2k in the end. Indeed, it coat so much I can't afford a car. £1.5k per year to insure me on a cheapish, sensible run around. I'm 27, not a just passed 18 year old bloke. I don't live in the nicest of areas though, which I suspect ramps it up a bit. I'd love to have a car, but there's no way I can afford it.

Herja · 02/10/2017 06:52

Bugger. I did not notice the 10 years old. I hate doing that.

MistressPage · 02/10/2017 06:55

My friend who doesn't drive will suggest a visit to the kids farm. She lives 5 miles in the opposite direction, which is no distance for me to go and pick her up. Except by the time I've gone to collect her and dropped her back, I've added 20 miles and 40 minutes driving to my day. Which is massively inconvenient actually. Bah. YANBU OP.

RhonaRugMuncherr · 02/10/2017 07:01

@MistresSPage then suggest meeting somewhere she can get to by public transport and stop pandering to her.

But THIS THREAD IS 10 YEARS OLD!!

eurochick · 02/10/2017 07:01

Did you go searching for a 10 year old thread in order to be offended?!?

MistressPage · 02/10/2017 07:13

Ooooh I didn't realise. Because it popped up in currently active as someone else has commented. And funnily enough I don't check the the fucking date on every thread that pops up. HTH.