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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel irratated by perfectly able adults who will not learn how to drive??

283 replies

SmileysPeoples · 27/04/2007 17:09

They are so blinking dependent on others.

Always asking for favours.

Never going anywhere alone.

Just bloody do it, the rest of us had too.

(the ones I know also won't use public transport ffs)

Oh and the ones I know are women whose husbands even have to take them to the ahirdressers.

How feeble are they??

Am I alone in this irratation?

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 02/10/2017 09:25

To be fair, there are lots of current threads about people who don't drive but insist on lifts, so it's hardly a zombie topic!

Rudgie47 · 02/10/2017 09:27

I dont drive but walk, cycle and use the buses and trains, we have a good service here.I never ask for lifts and on the odd occasion when people have offerred then I insist on paying them the petrol money. In an absolute emergency situation, I would pay for a taxi.

The80sweregreat · 02/10/2017 09:32

my parents didnt drive at all - there was a bit of jealousy from me as a child when my friends had days out and could go places and we couldnt, or it was hang around forever for buses and trains and have to go away on holiday on a coach or train! It does make life a lot easier, despite the expense, plus getting up to visit my dad would take over 2 hours on buses and trains and 45 minutes driving.
If i didnt have a car i would never ask for lifts though, i would get cabs if it was urgent.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 02/10/2017 09:36

I hope your spelling has improved in the last ten years, OP.

Passive aggressive Grin

Juanbablo · 02/10/2017 09:50

I'm only just learning now at 29. I've never assumed anyone will give me lifts. If they are offered I will sometimes accept but usually I make my way on foot or on the bus.

Some people don't want to or can't drive or can't afford it. And almost all of those people are prepared to walk or use public transport. You can't generalise and say "everyone who doesn't drive expects lifts everywhere".

hiddenmnetter · 02/10/2017 09:54

My SIL swears blind that she doesn't need to learn to drive as it's too expensive (lives in east London, approx 10 min walk from the tube) but then begs lifts everywhere...drives me spare...

Kazzyhoward · 02/10/2017 09:55

It's the poeple who just sit at home till someone comes to get them to take them somewhere.

Exactly this. Of course, there will be millions of non-drivers who manage to go about their daily business using alternative means, i.e. walking, public transport, taxis, cycling, etc. If you're able to do that, (i.e. live in an area with good transport alternatives), then that's of course absolutely fine.

I'm with the OP on this about the ones who can't rely on alternative transport for their needs, and so do the "emotional blackmail" thing on people around them who do drive. I can kind of understand it with the elderly, who are suffering with ever reducing local shops and removal of bus services etc., as they're probably too old to learn to drive anyway and they're more of a victim of modern living trends (although many still have plenty of money to pay for taxis but still do the emotional blackmail thing to friends and relatives!). But, I don't have sympathy at all for young and middle aged who've grown up in areas with poor public transport, no local shops,etc., and yet still won't learn to drive and remain dependent on their friends and family - it's a bit pathetic really.

GiantSteps · 02/10/2017 10:00

I don't drive, but I never ask for lifts. I take public transport, taxis, and walk. I choose places to live with good public transport, and I accept that there are some things that are more complicated to do.

elelfrance · 02/10/2017 10:13

I'm generally of the opinion that, outside of very large cities, driving is an essential life skill that everyone, who has no health reasons that makes it impossible, should learn.

I have friends who don't drive by choice, who manage perfectly well with available public transport options, and have chosen to live in areas where this is possible.

I have friends who don't drive by choice, live in rural areas, and use it as a crutch - can't get a job because of not driving, expect people to drive them places and get huffy when they don't/can't

My MIL lived all her life in a very large city with brilliant public transport, never drove and never needed to. When they retired & moved out of that city that was getting too noisy, busy & expensive for them, they are now driving distance from most things - PIL does all the driving. If there comes a day when PIL is unable to drive for some reason, she will not be able to step up and do for him as he has being doing for her ...

Ttbb · 02/10/2017 10:16

Well if you live in London you don't need to though do you?

drspouse · 02/10/2017 10:41

My aunt can drive and has a car but hates driving, even quite short distances and anything over 5 miles sends her into a tizzy. (I'm pretty sure that's the word she'd use). She also claims she falls asleep when driving (not sure how she found that out TBH).

My mother is only a little younger, my dad is older (she's my dad's sister and my DPs are divorced though my mum is not from the UK and lives locally to my aunt and does socialise with her (and my other paternal aunts) still but has no actual family responsibility for her.

So anything like airport runs or going to my other uncle and aunt's (both about 20 miles) my aunt cannot POSSIBLY manage and has to be driven. She just assumes she will get a lift, waits till my mum or dad announces their travel plans and just tags along etc.

Would drive me spare (as it does my DM) but I think I'd have refused long ago (oh dear no, I have to go to this other place way out of the way before I go to X's, oh no I am going to be very last minute so I can't plan what time I'll pick you up, best you make your own arrangements, oh we are meeting at that country pub? oh sorry I'll have a full car, I know you don't drink much so we'll see you there. Oh dear, well maybe it will have to be a taxi then?).

TammySwansonTwo · 02/10/2017 11:25

I absolutely hate not being able to drive especially now I have twins. It's really hard to go anywhere and there's no way I can rely on others for lifts anyway since the twins and their car seats and buggy would take up the whole car! Unfortunately I have bad fatigue and wouldn't feel safe learning, let alone driving independently. Maybe one day.

Horses4 · 02/10/2017 11:29

YANBU if said non-drivers constantly ask for lifts. I don't drive, but use public transport and pretty much know every route in my city (self proclaimed queen of bus chess Halo). In a bind, we get taxis, there is no need to impose on other people.

Horses4 · 02/10/2017 11:30

My mother, however, makes my sister ferry her everywhere.

PlainOldJosephineMary · 02/10/2017 17:18

ZOMBIE

Mammylamb · 02/10/2017 17:22

I don't drive. Took lessons for years and was shockingly bad at it. Would have been a very unsafe driver.

TBH there are a lot of drivers who really shouldn't be on the road.

Not sure why this is a bugbear of yours

I use public transport all the time (and walk anywhere within a 2 mile distance of my house)

notangelinajolie · 02/10/2017 17:38

OP not everyone has the money to buy a car or can afford to pay for lessons or the driving tests in first place unlike lucky you Hmm

Redglitter · 02/10/2017 17:45

Since the OP posted this TEN YEARS AGO she's probably not coming back to the thread

RubyGoat · 02/10/2017 17:53


* ZOMBIE THREAD* *
*

Seriously, MNHQ need to lock these things.

graziemille · 02/10/2017 18:30

Got totally put upon by a neighbour who didn't drive. Constant questions 'what are you doing today?', 'are you going to see xxx today?' etc.
I'd say I was probably going grocery shopping, into town etc and she'd always say 'I'll come with you'.
Aarrgghh.
I'm a pretty free spirit and not a great one for planning times/days for myself so the pain of having to arrange times or not having the option to choose to not go drove me mad. She was relentless and was completely unaware that I wanted to be alone.
She seriously thought I didn't mind.
In the end I blanked her!!

JennyBlueWren · 02/10/2017 18:58

You probably won't get on to reading this but I am a "perfectly able adult" who has not passed her test. I did have lessons but it took so much time and I got very stressed/anxious about it.

When we bought a house we did so with public transport in mind. I cycle or get the bus to work. Sometimes colleagues do offer me lifts and if we're going at the same time then it's great but I'm always very clear that it's only if it suits us both (e.g. don't wait for me or feel you have to rush to leave when you said). I don't expect to be dropped at home just somewhere convenient to where they're going. When a colleague was frequently giving me lifts, I paid for her bus ticket when she had her MOT (and helped her with timetables, stops etc).

When meeting with friends I look into the bus and train options. Again friends will often offer lifts but I never ask them. If they do give me a lift I'll make sure to pay them back in kind (e.g. pay for their lunch) or if a longer journey I pay for petrol.

The only time we are dependent is when visiting the in-laws and this is the one thing which makes me consider learning to drive again, especially now I'm expecting number 2.

CoveredInFondant · 02/10/2017 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NameChangeFamousFolk · 02/10/2017 19:05

My DC weren't even born when this thread was started...

SquidgeyMidgey · 02/10/2017 19:06

To bite on a zombie thread since it still seems relevant... YANBU if they then lean on other people to be driven around. YABU if they're self sufficient on public transport/cycling etc.

As for the 'lucky you' comments about finances I worked 25 hours a week on top of a full time proper-subject degree to get money for driving lessons then a ropey old banger as my single parent mum couldn't afford it for me. So yes, lucky me.

Curious2468 · 02/10/2017 19:08

I have a license but don't drive. I absolutely hate driving and don't feel safe or confident at all. Just the thought of driving fills me with terror. I'm pretty sure I'm dyspraxic and I think that's probably why it's such an issue for me. I use public transport all the time though and it's rare to get lifts