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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel irratated by perfectly able adults who will not learn how to drive??

283 replies

SmileysPeoples · 27/04/2007 17:09

They are so blinking dependent on others.

Always asking for favours.

Never going anywhere alone.

Just bloody do it, the rest of us had too.

(the ones I know also won't use public transport ffs)

Oh and the ones I know are women whose husbands even have to take them to the ahirdressers.

How feeble are they??

Am I alone in this irratation?

OP posts:
SparklyGothKat · 28/04/2007 22:01

My BIL!! Is like this, he is 32 and has never learnt to drive, he has his prov. licence, and even brought a car once, which he put an expensive stero and tyres on, and it just sat outside for months. He sold it in the end, at a loss. His wife drives and she has to drive him to work even if she is ill, (even though he can get a bus from his place to work easily) takes him to the hairdresser etc. He even phones DH to get a lift somewhere if his wife can't do it for some reason.

bran · 28/04/2007 22:23

My dh won't learn to drive and it does drive me nuts. It's not too bad on a day to day basis as we live in London, but it's annoying to be only one in the family that drives. He can't do a big supermarket shop without me and I know that he would ask me to drive him all over the place if he though I would do it, we have several arguments a year about him wanting me to do something for him that he could do for himself if only he could drive. He also doesn't know how tiring/boring/stressful driving can be as he's never done it, and on long journeys he will often have a little nap and arrive refreshed and think I'm unreasonable to be grumpy and tired.

In a couple of years we will be moving to Dublin and if he hasn't learnt to drive by then we will have very little choice of locations to live as public transport is very limited there.

He really has no excuse except laziness, he used to assure me that he would learn before we had kids, but he didn't. He has assured me that he will learn before we move to Ireland, but hasn't started lessons yet.

stleger · 28/04/2007 22:31

Bran - Dublin has good buses, DART and LUAS trams. The cars are the problem!

ChelseaDagger · 28/04/2007 22:36

I don't drive because regardless of how many lessons I have I CAN'T reverse a car, do hill-starts or park. If friends want to meet up then I do actually expect them to drive for 20 minutes rather than me wait for a bus for an hour. If they feel irritated by it they can find other friends. I certainly don't expect to by ferried about though.

mumeeee · 28/04/2007 22:38

I don't drive.but I dont contiually ask favours of others. I walk or use the bus most of thhe time.

bunsen · 28/04/2007 22:41

Is it unreasonable to expect people to get walking? The amount of people I know who wouldn't walk five/ten minutes to the shops. People turn their noses up at the idea of walking, like it's something only commoners do. Well I am common and I am fit to boot! I am also saving a fortune! I make sure my workplace is local, plenty of graphic design offices near where I live, so thats sussed. If a big shop is in order, if my partner doesn't fancy driving, then I order online and a nice delivery van pops round with the goods, jobs a gud un!

bran · 28/04/2007 22:43

It's better than it was stleger, but it's not as good as London. Buses are very slow and unreliable unless you're on a QBC route. The Dart and the Luas are both great, but they don't cover that much of Dublin and there is a premium to be within walking distance of either. And if you ever want to make a journey that isn't straight into or out of the city centre then you're stuffed (say Stepaside to Foxrock for instance, 10-15 mins in a car on a quiet day, a virtual impossibility by public transport).

Brangelina · 28/04/2007 22:44

I passed my test about 15 yrs ago, but didn't drive immediately afterwards as a) I was up to my eyeballs in student debt and too poor to buy a car and run it and b) I lived in central London then Milan where quite frankly having a car is a hindrance as you spend more time in traffic jams and looking for a parking space than doing anything constructive.

In all these years I've got by by walking/cycling or using public transport or taxis and hardly ever asked anyone for a lift and when I did I always offered to pay for petrol. My DP drives but I don't presume he's going to run errands for me (even though he will, because he loves me ).

The only time I do regret not driving is when I can't go and pick up friends and rellies from the airport when they come to visit me, but apart from that I couldn't give a toss. Too many cars on the road as it is, polluting my and everyone else's air.

expatinscotland · 28/04/2007 22:46

'I don't drive because regardless of how many lessons I have I CAN'T reverse a car, do hill-starts or park.'

You can always take your exam in an automatic car. You'll find hill starts and reversing much easier that way.

The second I found out I'd have to sit all the exams here in order to drive after my first year here I was down the DVLA office getting my provisional license.

The sooner, the better!

I don't drive every day at all. I walk back and forth to work to save on bus fares/gym fees and as we live near city centre, we mostly walk everywhere.

But I would NOT want to live w/o our car.

For one, we enjoy taking picnics and short breaks outside Edinburugh, which is easier and faster w/a car and we can get to areas with no train service.

expatinscotland · 28/04/2007 22:48

After visiting Dublin, I couldn't agree more, bran.

Also, house prices there are so high, it is entirely possible that many people have to live in places only accessible by car because it's all they can afford.

ChelseaDagger · 28/04/2007 23:44

Thanks for advise expat. I've been brainwashed all my life to believe that automatics are bad, but perhaps I should try to learn in an automatic because I'm not making progress with a manual.

mumfor1standfinaltime · 28/04/2007 23:47

I passed in a manual and have driven several types of manual.
Recently we bought an auto, I was scared stiff of using it, now I am scared stiff of going back to a manual as it is so easy to drive an auto!

FiveFingeredFiend · 28/04/2007 23:51

Seriously if you vannot reverse or do a hill start, you have tried repeatedly. I advise using the bus.

We are all good at different things.

Driving is obviously not yours. If you are frightened. However i agree with OP. Why wait for a chauffer? I was a chauffer for 12 years it pissed me off.

controlfreaky2 · 28/04/2007 23:53

only read the op. YABU (imho). the problem with the lazy useless feckers you describe isnt that they cant drive but their toal utter general weediness and feebleness...... (i cant drive but am neither dependant or lazy).

elfinblast · 29/04/2007 00:09

I tried to learn to drive.
My dad said I was a really good driver, and I think that was the only compliment I've ever had from him.

Failed 3 tests.
I think if writing your name was part of the test I'd fail on that.

OH is having lessons and he's just bought a run-around. If he passes we can at least leave town at the weekends. Buses aren't up to much round here.

Anoush · 29/04/2007 00:20

i passed my test 2 years ago, and didnt drive again until my mum allowed mde to drive her car (its a longstory).

It was very exciting today i went to ASDA and bought the whole weekly shop IN ONE GO!! and not only as much ans i can carry and push a buggy and carry onto the bus.

And also im going to Scarborough next week with my DP and DS for the first holiday i have had in 15years!!!

Skribble · 29/04/2007 01:09

I have to agree if you really are crap at driving, please don't. I hate to see people (male and female) crawling along, breaking every time a car passes them and look like they are about to cry, someone who is so nervous and scared to drive are better begging a lift rather than putting themselves and everyone else at risk, plus it means I won't be late for work if I am stuck behind you .

anneme · 29/04/2007 01:13

Boco - and others - I sympathise a lot re not driving. I passed my test about 4 years ago when I was 31. Still hate driving and only do it when really really pushed. Would rather walk the 20 mins to pick up DS from nursery in the rain than pick him up in 5 mins (not sure he is so keen!). BUT would agree with those who are mentioning autos rather than manuals. We have just got an auto so that i can feel more confident and it is better - I don't feel myself tensing up everytime there is a chance I might have to change gear etc.
Having said all of that - we are lucky, we live in a small market town and so can walk to most things and, like most of the rest of you, I get really p**d off with people driving unnecessarily.
BTW - for those who are not keen on driving - I read an article recently about virtual driving at BSM - they will sit you behind the wheel of a driving simulator to help you get your confidence up. Could be worth a try.

ChelseaDagger · 29/04/2007 01:54

lol @ skribble and FFF - maybe I won't try an automatic then.

KerryMum · 29/04/2007 01:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 29/04/2007 15:47

Chelsea,
Don't let it put you off! Half of being 'good' at driving is practice. The more you do it, the more controlled and smooth you'll be.

Why not take a lesson or two in an automatic and see how you get on?

Your instructor can also let you know after a lesson or two how she/he thinks you're doing.

If you want to learn, that is, then try it!

ChelseaDagger · 29/04/2007 17:44

I do want to learn as I'm fed up with journeys taking 3 or 4 times as long on public transport. It's been 6 years since I last had a lesson, so maybe it's time to start again.

Thanks for advice.

Blondilocks · 29/04/2007 18:10

I can drive , couldn't imagine not being able to, but my ex-OH still drove me to the hairdressers

helenhismadwife · 29/04/2007 19:52

I didnt learn to drive until I was 30 because of the cost, I was lucky I lived in a city plenty of public transport, (expensive and unreliable)and everything I needed was within walking distance so I didnt need to have lifts from people.

I finally passed my test 2nd time round on my 30th birtday then didnt drive for 5 years again lack of money to buy a car(divorce ) by the time I had the money I had lost a lot of confidence the thought of driving made me feel hot and clammy, new dh insisted I had to drive bought me an automatic took me out to help me get my confidence back and for the first time I really enjoyed driving and still do.

for those struggling to learn dont give up, and consider an automatic they are great!!

to the op I agree people who expect others to chaffauer them about because they cant be bothered to learn to drive, and have all the resources (money, time no medical condtion) are a pain, but I do remember being absolutely terrified learning to drive, being very embarassed and feeling very stupid about this and not being unable to explain rationally my fears to anyone, not even family or closest friends. I still couldnt explain it

expatinscotland · 29/04/2007 20:21

It can't hurt to take a lesson or two then, Chelsea.

Let the driving school know you're a bit apprehensive.

If you can get some personal recommendations for an instructor, even better.

Sometimes, it's not a matter of you're being 'crap' at all, but having not had the right instructor for you.

Give it another go!