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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel irratated by perfectly able adults who will not learn how to drive??

283 replies

SmileysPeoples · 27/04/2007 17:09

They are so blinking dependent on others.

Always asking for favours.

Never going anywhere alone.

Just bloody do it, the rest of us had too.

(the ones I know also won't use public transport ffs)

Oh and the ones I know are women whose husbands even have to take them to the ahirdressers.

How feeble are they??

Am I alone in this irratation?

OP posts:
Redglitter · 02/10/2017 07:15

How on earth do people find threads this old to resurrect them in the first place

DeadButDelicious · 02/10/2017 07:28

I have never felt 'feeble or dependant' for not being able to drive. The roads are already congested and I saw no good reason to put yet another car on them, purely for my convenience. There are good public transport links near me and I have two working legs so I use them. Now that I have my baby however, I suppose I do have to learn. And I do intend too. Lessons, insurance, tax, petrol, never mind buying the actual car however are prohibitively expensive for us right now. I still use public transport and only accept lifts if they are offered. I very rarely ask.

DeadButDelicious · 02/10/2017 07:29

Dammit. Zombie thread!Grin

Firef1y72 · 02/10/2017 07:32

I can drive, have a full driving licence but don't have a car and until all the crazies are off the road have no intention of driving. Other drivers scare the hell out of me, especially the self-entitled tw@ts who think they are somehow better than anyone who walks/runs/cycles.

But I don't depend on others, I walk my children to and from school no matter the weather and have even been known to occasionally run (yes run) the 10km in to town. I walk/run 2 miles to exercise classes, do the class then walk back. I do occasionally get offered lifts and I don't refuse them, but I enjoy walking and generally walk at least 15km a day.

guilty100 · 02/10/2017 07:40

Not only a zombie thread, but a zombie with terrible spelling. Pass me my smelling salts!

LakieLady · 02/10/2017 07:47

I used to be friends with someone who could drive, but avoided it as much as possible because it interfered with her drinking. She developed a convenient phobia of driving across bridges or on elevated sections of of motorway which prevented her driving anywhere other than the offie or the bank.

She used to phone me up and ask me if I fancied a trip to Ikea/a weekend away/going to a festival, when it wasn't my company she wanted, but my taxi service. She used to get quite arsey when I told her that I'd rather go on a trip to to every circle of hell than go to Ikea (100 mile round trip) and that having all my teeth pulled would be preferable to camping among crowds at Latitude.

When she started manipulating me so that I'd not only provide lifts for her but also several non-driving friends, I got sick of being treated like a unpaid chauffeur and started saying no.

EastMidsMummy · 02/10/2017 07:47

I never learned to read and write because other people can read and write for me. Anyway, I very rarely put myself in a situation where I need to read and write. Reading and writing scare me.

Rachie1973 · 02/10/2017 07:48

I don't drive. I don't want to. I have the means and the time, I simply don't want to drive.

I'm quite happy on foot and public transport.

Jux · 02/10/2017 07:49

You're talking about me, at least partly.

I didn't learn because I lived in central London and walked everywhere of got pub trans, so there was no need and keeping a car in London was ridiculously expensive as well as pointless (drive to work? Don't be silly!).

Marriage meant moving to the suburbs, as well as poverty, and we couldn't afford lessons, dh refused to even contemplate teaching me.

Now we live in a small country town, I am disabled, public transport is rubbish to non-existant. Yes, I regret not learning, not that dh would have let me use 'his' car. I'm buggered, still can't afford lessons and with the disability it is proving very hard to get a provisional licence (yes, I am tryig).

DiggyDiggyHole · 02/10/2017 07:58

I drive, but it doesn’t bother me that many others in my family don’t. They are all very independent, walk, use public transport or get taxis in addition to lifts. They help me in other ways, have other skill sets.
TBH, it’s poor and dangerous drivers, often in big vehicles that infuriate me, along with those that have a level of arrogance and entitlement way above acceptable.
Not driving is an acceptable choice. DD will be paying around £1500 pa, with black box and mileage limitations, just for insurance. A lot more expensive than her current methods of transport.

Extua · 02/10/2017 08:00

I come across older women in my job a lot who never learned to drive and their husband either now can't or has passed away and they are now totally isolated. It's really sad.

I think once you can drive it's hard to understand how someone could put up with not driving. For me it's the freedom to decide to take the kids to the beach without negotiating two buses and a train. Or even little things like buying second-hand stuff and being able to pick it up, going to toddler groups that are further away, going to see friends who live outside of my town. My life would be much smaller without being able to drive. Being confined to my local area or what I could easily reach on a bus after my section was so dull and I couldn't stand it. Hated being stuck in the house but a baby and toddler on the bus isn't really fun either. I also couldn't bear to be reliant on others to pick me up if we were doing something as a group. So to me having no car would make my life small and me dependent. It's expensive but worth it to me, feel bad for people who would like to but can't afford it. Those who choose not to I find harder to understand.

Extua · 02/10/2017 08:01

Unless they have crippling anxiety or something though even then I think it's worth giving a lesson a go and seeing if that changes their feelings

DiggyDiggyHole · 02/10/2017 08:01

It may be a zombie thread, but I bet the op is still pissed off and there are many others to take her place. It’s one of the many recurrent themes on MN.

UsernameInvalid66 · 02/10/2017 08:02

I learnt to drive but I never enjoyed it or felt confident doing it, so I rarely drive now. A lot of people assume I can't drive.

My experience has been pretty much the opposite of what the OP describes. I like taking public transport (there is good public transport in my town), but always prefer to walk if a journey is within walking distance. Far from constantly asking for lifts, I quite often find myself struggling to persuade someone that I really don't need a lift. Occasionally I go along with the offer just to avoid actively offending someone, but then really hope they won't then take that as the signal to keep on offering me lifts I don't really want or need.

slapmyarseandcallmemary · 02/10/2017 08:04

I don't drive. I also don't rely on others. I have a 5 month old & I walk or get the bus. Although public transport here costs a fortune. I'm learning to drive, I'm in my late 30s & it's anxiety that has held me back as well as memories of a truly atrocious driving instructor when I was a teenager.

ArcheryAnnie · 02/10/2017 08:11

I don;t drive cos i'm shit at it. I think I'm safer off the road and so are other people.
I live in a city so can walk pretty much everywhere.

This.

I really hate the notion that being able to drive is some sort of marker of true adulthood. I think it's the opposite, and I see teenagers who have been driven everywhere in their childhoods, and who then learn to drive as soon as they are old enough, become completely helpless when they have to get somewhere without a car.

ArcheryAnnie · 02/10/2017 08:12

Oooh, really old zombie thread, dammit - but it's an evergreen topic, so I don't suppose it matters.

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 02/10/2017 08:25

I never learned to read and write because other people can read and write for me. Anyway, I very rarely put myself in a situation where I need to read and write. Reading and writing scare me.

Awwww look at EastMidsMummy's funny joke. Isn't she clever?

swinkle · 02/10/2017 08:47

I don't drive at the moment but I'm with you, OP. I despise asking for lifts and don't even like accepting offered lifts because I feel so cheeky and embarrassed to be reliant on others for no good reason. My DH doesn't drive and did promise to learn in time for me to have DS, but he didn't and we ended up asking my FIL for a lift to the hospital when I was in labour, which I absolutely hated. MIL (long divorced from FIL with whom she has no relationship or contact at all) also doesn't drive and gets friends to drive her to ours to see DS as well as other places, though she does take the bus sometimes. She wants to see DS at her place too but as we don't drive and public transport to where she lives is awkward her suggestion is that we ask FIL to drive us to her. He wouldn't be invited in and there's not a lot to do where she lives so he would be waiting around in the car to take us back or going away only to have to come and pick us up again. I won't do it, it's so rude!

swinkle · 02/10/2017 08:47

Oh, zombie thread. Whoops! Blush

Timeywimey8 · 02/10/2017 09:01

Some men enjoy being depended upon by their wives

Oh yes and sometimes it's not about being depended on, it about control. I remember years ago my mum told me that she'd been talking to my dad's colleague's wife who was learning to drive at, I guess, about 40.

Anyway my father said to her husband that he should stop her having lessons because he'd never have control over her again.

In the days when most people only had one car, we had two and my mum was one of the only mums I knew who could drive at the time. It must have annoyed my controlling father no end.

I don't particularly enjoy driving, but it would be massively inconvenient not to drive, and would have a major impact on my life, and indeed my son's. How do you get you kids to activities if you can't drive and there's no public transport? As an example, football matches are often early ish on a Saturday morning when buses haven't started running yet.

I totally agree that we rely too much on the car (especially for short journeys) but I do think in most cases it is essential to be able to drive if you don't have a medical condition preventing it. If you live in a big city you may well be able to manage but it wouldn't be realistic where I live.

PlainOldJosephineMary · 02/10/2017 09:05

I have lots of reasons to learn. I have more reasons not to. And I don't ask for lifts - I just take public transport, walk or cycle. My husband drives and we share car expenses. I'm terrible at driving. I'd rather not injure someone - or worse. Also, there are too many cars on the road already. Oh and also - you can't spell very well, OP. So don't start judging people who can't do things you can, because I can spell and you can't. HTH.

The80sweregreat · 02/10/2017 09:13

I passed my test aged 19 and didnt drive for years. met dh and he made me do some extra lessons and bought me an older car to build up confidence.
I still hate driving 33 years later and it has got so much worse on the roads ( i live in essex) , i was out yesterday to see relatives and i was shaking so much as cars tried to hit me and people are so aggressive all the time. its a complete nightmare - i can see why people dont bother to learn - running a car costs a fortune and it is stressful. my ds2 doesnt want to learn, although i know that he should just go for it, but i totally understand why he is so reluctant. The roads were not as full when i learnt either, now its just a free for all in some places. i really hate it.

Disn3yN3rd · 02/10/2017 09:17

I would love to learn to drive and do have my provisional license but the cost of lessons is a bomb. DH doesn’t drive either.

Saying that, I never expect or ask anyone to give me a lift. Tube, bus or walking. If I waited for someone to give me a lift I would be long dead before it happened Grin

The80sweregreat · 02/10/2017 09:20

This thread is from 07!!