Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give in to wedding guests demands

329 replies

14spanner · 21/01/2018 03:36

This may seem trivial but I can’t sleep due to the cheeky fuckery here.

DP are getting married in August. It is a very small wedding with only 12 guests (all family apart from my bridesmaid & her husband).

We have hired a cottage for the full weekend for the celebrations and intended it to be more like a family weekend away than a wedding.

Due to the small number of people the cottage could accommodate I have been unable to invite my brother who lives overseas. although he is upset he has been completely understanding. The venue has been booked since 2016.

In December DP’s sister announced that her and her partner were unhappy at being allocated a twin ensuite room at the cottage so to avoid drama I moved my bridesmaid and her DH into the twin so SIL and partner could have the double (not ensuite but with a dedicated bathroom directly opposite).

Last night I received a text asking if they could be moved to an ensuite room as her DP simply ‘couldn’t live without one’ and he won’t be attending unless he gets one.

My DP and I aren’t even staying in an ensuite room or even in the main cottage with the other guests. we have taken a room in the coach house as we thought putting guests away from the main house would make them feel unwelcome.

DP and I are paying for everything, cottage hire, caterers, cars, entertainment, drinks etc. All people need to do is turn up, eat, drink & be merry. We have requested cards only (no gifts).

WIBU to tell this guy not to come and move SIL into a twin room with another family member. This would mean I could invite my brother.

DP and I have met this guy twice.

My DP is going round to his mums later where SIL will be. I would like a resolution today so if you lovely vipers could help me with how to respond to the request I’d be most grateful.

OP posts:
mellicauli · 21/01/2018 10:31

i think you should, go carefully here...he just doesn't want to go to your wedding, does he? There could be a number of reasons for this: he doesn't like you, he doesn't like someone else in your family or he sees no long term future in the relationship with your SIL.

DivisionBelle · 21/01/2018 10:34

It isn’t a shared bathroom: it is a dedicated bathroom opposite their bedroom door.

Actually I would say “oh, well you had your chance for an en suite but you asked to be swapped, so that’s it, really” and if she protests tell your DP to tell her to stop being a guestzilla.

IF the DP has IBS or whatever, surely she would just explain that?

NewYearNiki · 21/01/2018 10:36

We have hired a cottage for the full weekend for the celebrations and intended it to be more like a family weekend away than a wedding.

Sounds like my idea of hell.

14 people in a cottage for a whole weekend. Nipping across the hall to the bathroom in your pajamas for the loo and after showers. Tripping over most of my family all the time for a whole weekend.

I'd go mad. Why not give others the option to pay for a hotel if they dont like the cottage option or the room they're given.

Notasperfectasallothermners · 21/01/2018 10:42

Stick a washing up bowl +flannel +towel and a bucket under the bed.
En suite right?

saladdays66 · 21/01/2018 10:45

Why didn't you invite your brother in the first place? I get that space was tight, but he's your brother! You should have invited him and allowed him to make up his own mind about coming.

Guest is being VU. Tell him no. POint out you are paying for everything and he is being cheeky. Ask him to let you know if he plans to attend within x days, as if he won't come you will ask your brother instead.

(Actually, I'd ask my brother anyway. Ansd worry about space later. Could he bunk down on the lounge floor for the night?)

HSMMaCM · 21/01/2018 10:48

In the event that your brother was able to come, could he share with your mum in a twin ensuite, so they both have privacy to get dressed? My brother would happily share with my mum.

The moany people can just be told that's a shame if they don't want to come to the cottage, they can find somewhere nearby.

Alternatively, would you and DH prefer to be in the main house with everyone else?

Catsize · 21/01/2018 10:49

Brother definitely takes priority over SIL’s partner. Tell them you’ve noted what was said, suggest they stay somewhere else as the room has now been reallocated in light of the DP’s difficulties.

They’d be a bloody nightmare for everyone else all weekend on that house anyway.

Then your brother gets to stay in their room.

Everyone’s a winner. 🤓

BashStreetKid · 21/01/2018 10:49

I can see their point. Dp and I get up a couple of times a night for the loo. I would hate doing that sharing a house with other people. We don't have any medical issues either its just something we both do

I find that difficult to understand - everyone goes to the loo, after all, and the chances of meeting other people at 3 a.m. are pretty limited. However, I think if you have hang-ups like that it's up to you to accommodate them, not to expect other people who are paying for you to do so. So if that were my situation, I would either opt for the twin room with en suite, or just tell the hosts that I would get a B&B room nearby.

Catsize · 21/01/2018 10:50

And if your brother doesn’t come, the room can be reallocated to you!!

Aeroflotgirl · 21/01/2018 10:51

If you read op other threads, she explains why her brother cannot come, due to his circumstances anyway, one of them is that he lives abroad and money is tight, so he could not afford to go.

OldPony · 21/01/2018 10:51

This is such a weird arrangement. There's no way on earth, I'd want to spend a weekend in a cottage with a random in-law family, doing forced jollities.

And I don't understand the people on this thread calling them CFs. I think the OP is a CF, making people endure this hell and expecting them to be grateful.

Uterusuterusgarlic · 21/01/2018 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cherryontopp · 21/01/2018 10:55

Old Pony - the OP hasn't got a gun to their head has she? If her in-laws or family wanted to stay elsewhere then they can tell the OP that through the power of speech or text

juliesaway · 21/01/2018 10:55

People’s cheek and entitlement knows no bounds these days. “We won’t be coming if you don’t.......” is just outrageous.

VileyRose · 21/01/2018 10:56

Personally I would say it's tough. My parents are staying on bunk beds in our accomadation for wedding! No one has complained.

Spartaca · 21/01/2018 10:56

He can go jump tbh. I'd just keep saying that no more changes are possible, and repeat.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/01/2018 10:58

It looks like you really set your heart on this particular cottage OP. I have to say, considering that you're paying for the accommodation and everything else for non-close family as well - I would have invited and paid for my brother overseas to come, whatever it took.

No way would I have had these non-essentials at my wedding without people I actually loved there.

And now you're having to deal with the endless swapping and unhappiness of your guests. Urgh. I feel very sorry for you. I've done this before - painted myself into a corner - so you do have my sympathies but how are you going to fix this?

OldPony · 21/01/2018 10:59

He'd probably be delighted to not to have to go!

Stoptherideiwannagetoff · 21/01/2018 11:03

Say No with a big cheesy smile Grin

MissDuke · 21/01/2018 11:03

Oh crap what a disaster op. Of course you should have invited DB, it wasn't for you to decide whether or not he could afford to come. Not giving him an option seems mean and almost controlling. I really think it is too late unfortunately, any chance you could travel to him soon for a visit?

Leeds2 · 21/01/2018 11:04

I would text back something like, "Sorry John won't be able to make it. Could you please confirm that you are still intending to come without him?"
Otherwise, this CF's requests will just go on and on. I'm sure if he/they are so particular, they could book - at their own expense - local hotel accommodation. If the cottage is remote, they can either book a taxi, or one of them can refrain from drinking and drive themselves.

Buxbaum · 21/01/2018 11:10

The OP clearly states in her OP that her DB is cool with not being invited.

She then states that he lives far far away and isn’t likely to be able to afford the trip never mind being parted from his family.

Except she doesn't quite say that. She says that he is 'upset but that he understands'. OP should extend an invitation and leave it to him to make a decision. It is a bit shit that the option is not open to him.

LakieLady · 21/01/2018 11:12

Lol @ "bogzilla" Battleaxe.

I wonder if Bogzilla is being difficult because he doesn't really want to come? In which case "Sorry SIL, I've swapped everyone round once because you said you wanted the double, I can't do it again" might be all he needs to stay home. Then you can ask SIL to go and share with her mum and get your DB over.

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 21/01/2018 11:17

When you arrive, tell each guest to “go find yourself a room” and let them sort it.

Obviously you get first dibs. Leave the rest of them to sort it themselves.

BrimFire · 21/01/2018 11:17

OldPony has it spot on.

If the Op thinks the cottage is such a good idea she sound stay there and let the other couple have the coach house ( space and privacy ).

Can't believe people think it's the guests being CF's. Wether it's all paid for or not the guests are still giving up their whole weekend to do what the bride wants. It's a big ask.

Swipe left for the next trending thread