To think sex as a parent is crap

[aliceinwonderglass]

My eldest (9 year old DD) has just walked in on me & DH in the middle of it.
We have 3 DC - DD1 (9), DD2 (7) and DS1 (7 months)
When the planets do finally align (i.e all kids are in bed, one of us isn't tired, we are both in the mood) and we manage to get a moment to ourselves, it is now interrupted by one of the kids barging through the door with "something to tell us".
AIBU to think that my sex life as a parent for the foreseeable future (i.e until all kids have grown & flown the nest) will be naff?

It's not just the interruption but realising that I've become the repulsive shagging parent.

A bit of shuffling under the covers wouldn’t be traumatising, no, but some people don’t have sex like that, or under the covers. So how the parents react afterwards doesn’t always matter. It really depends on the circumstances. Just get a lock!

Oh no lol I was mortified when I used to hear my parents. Send chills down the spine to this day haha

As soon as my children were old enough to say "Come In" I began to knock on their bedroom doors before going in - a habit which I made very clear was one I expected them to reciprocate. And we had a wedge for our bedroom door.

We didn’t really have a problem when they were younger but it’s awful now ones a teenager. She’s always awake and you know if she hears anything she knows what it is. Luckily she sleeps out once a week. The youngest sleeps well so it’s quite easy although she does go downstairs herself on a weekend now so we managed a weekend one and she walked in. Don’t think she had a clue, told her daddy was trying to wake me up lol.

I'll never understand why people are bothered about it. I'm open with my kids as my parents were with me. I understood sex from an early age and was never traumatised by it. I'm divorced now and my 11 year old recently told me that she thinks it's sad that I might never have sex again so I should get a boyfriend. Lol

It's like nudity, people get horrified about it... I sleep in just my knickers, the kids happily wander around the house in the same- even the 11 yo. They completely understand the difference between doing this at home and in any other environment and absolutely know what is inappropriate regarding touching, looking etc- but because we're replaced about it at home there is no intrigue which I know was often a big thing with my peers as a child, and also no exhibitionism or fears. It is also useful because I can keep an eye on any physical changes or injuries without having to make an issue of it.

If I ever do find someone to have sex with again I will obviously try to keep it private, but if the kids walk in on something it's no big deal, I'd stop, remind them about always knocking and that they can always talk to me if they're ever bothered about anything.

I knew about my parents bodies and sex and I just don't understand why people get so horrified about it. I think it has really helped me to accept my body, my desires etc and all very comfortable with bringing my children up the same.

When my DTS were at nursery, one of them was playing "mummies and daddies" with a little girl. The nursery staff found them lying on top of each other as apparently the little girl had told my DS that that was how mummies and daddies sleep!!! Hasn't happened to me but can imagine how the other parents took it when they were told!!!

I once saw my friend's parents on the job, it was awful I'd gone for a sleepover, woke up first and went downstairs to get a glass of water. As I came upstairs I saw it, they were very caught up in the moment, had left the door open and their room was first on the landing, they had these mirrored built in wardrobes on one wall and her mum's massive arse was bobbing about in the reflection. It was mesmerizing. I still cannot look her parents in the eye over thirty years on.

my 11 year old recently told me that she thinks it's sad that I might never have sex again so I should get a boyfriend.

This week we had ds mumble through the door 'what are you doing..?' hahaha! When you're ovulating, you're ovulating. Sometimes it can't wait

Both my DC have grown up and have places of their own now, although it's still a bit difficult to relax and get in the mood when they're staying over, but we must have had a good few years when our sex life was limited to doggies on the bathroom floor - my knees have never been the same...

@Gladiola44 I'm not sure that you've understood it correctly. Out of the context of the rest of my post it didn't make as much sense. My point is that she knows what sex is and understands it and that it's important to people.

Yes I understood it, it’s completely inappropriate.

I'll leave you to your opinion.

Gladiola44 Can you explain in what way that isn’t appropriate? If said during a conversation about what sex is and how it can make people feel, what is wrong about her daughter saying what she did?

Thanks @QuackPorridgeBacon

The conversation at the time wasn't about sex, but about her trying to persuade me to get a boyfriend and she mentioned sex. She was talking about how I must be lonely and how she'd like to have a proper daddy living in the house again which I thought was terribly sad. I explained that I wouldn't want to have a relationship just for the sake of it, it would have to be right, and that I had a brief relationship a little while ago but that sadly it didn't work out- I was trying to reassure her that she didn't need to worry about me and that I'm not refusing all possibilities of a relationship because of them.

It was at this point that she said that she was pleased I'm not going to stay alone because of them and that it would be sad if I never had sex again.

She brought it into the conversation not me, because she's comfortable with it and understands it. She's actually in the stage where she thinks the whole idea of it is gross and that she can't imagine why anyone would ever want to do it unless they're specifically trying for a baby, so we've had discussions about it where I've explained that it's nothing to be scared of and that at the right time, with the right person, it can be a beautiful thing and that people enjoy it and want to do it- and should never feel they have to if they don't want to if the time and the person aren't right. It's because she knows I feel that way that she felt it was sad.

She's a very mature and understanding young girl.