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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think sex as a parent is crap

140 replies

aliceinwonderglass · 21/01/2018 00:09

My eldest (9 year old DD) has just walked in on me & DH in the middle of it.
We have 3 DC - DD1 (9), DD2 (7) and DS1 (7 months)
When the planets do finally align (i.e all kids are in bed, one of us isn't tired, we are both in the mood) and we manage to get a moment to ourselves, it is now interrupted by one of the kids barging through the door with "something to tell us".
AIBU to think that my sex life as a parent for the foreseeable future (i.e until all kids have grown & flown the nest) will be naff?

It's not just the interruption but realising that I've become the repulsive shagging parent.

OP posts:
wineusuallyhelps · 21/01/2018 20:45

I'm quite staggered by all the kids who feel free to comment on what they have heard (my own son included). I never said a word to my parents when I was young!

I didn't retort as DS is only 11, but once or twice he has made it clear he has heard us. I might add, we were being as quiet as possible. I felt like responding, "well, if you decide to keep yourself awake till midnight, you're going to hear things you don't want to"! Grin

When are we supposed to have five minutes' peace - 3am?!

GetYourRocksOff · 21/01/2018 21:34

That's exactly what I would say!

SpareASquare · 21/01/2018 21:57

It doesn’t matter how it is “dealt with” by the parents after the fact, there are some things you can never unsee and and it’s best to avoid that for your child

Meh.
Still don't see it as a big deal.
If you are a parent that makes a big deal out of everything, of course this will be 'traumatic'. Otherwise, no biggie. Reaction/Influence really is everything.

User4949 · 21/01/2018 22:20

I walked in on my parents at it, I wasn't traumatised, more embarasssd for a few hours but stopped me wondering in again!

Mishappening · 21/01/2018 22:24

Ah yes...the art of silent sex.....I remember it well from when ours were little!

Notso · 21/01/2018 22:29

It's shit. Thanks to our dreadful family planning we have two teens and two primary school kids.
Attempts to do it in the morning are thwarted by the early rising little ones and that's assuming they're not in the bed with us already. Night time activity risks being overheard by the teens. Can't even ship them all off to the GP's anymore as DC1 is too old.

sadie9 · 21/01/2018 23:13

The only thing with teens in the house who stay up till all hours is set your alarm for 7am on a weekend and have a quick one, then go back to sleep. It's the only time you can guarantee the teen will be asleep...

Kateshereyay · 22/01/2018 17:37

All the people saying “you can scar her for life!” Maybe if she walked in on you shagging her Dad with a strap on while in some sort of sex swing, maybe. But if your child happens to walk in on some under cover shuffling I’m sure they will survive.

SuzieCath · 22/01/2018 17:38

Have experienced our DS(9) and DD (6) interrupting us during a quick 'romantic' session! They have luckily learnt to knock before entering now and DH now works nights so most of our sex life take place during the day when the childrenext are at school and we can't be disturbed Wink

Maireadplastic · 22/01/2018 17:43

We have great sex, several times a week AND we have 3DSs (14, 10 and 7 today) AND we've been married 14 years AND we're not that young (45 and 54) AND we're knackered a lot of the time AND we have a bolt on the inside of our bedroom door.

bubbly1978 · 22/01/2018 17:56

Children are nature’s own contraceptive, so as to ensure that those you do manage to conceive receive enough attention/sustenance!

MrsMaxwell · 22/01/2018 17:58

Big rule in our house is knock and wait.

And get a lock on the door.

sprot · 22/01/2018 19:13

I as a 14 year old walked in on my parents,I was in bed and thought they shouted me from downstairs so off I trundled to find them at it on the sofa in the living room.
I can still see it now (her on top) my dad chased after me as I ran and locked myself in the bathroom 🙈

Stella60 · 22/01/2018 20:17

Certainly don't think it's traumatic for a child to walk in,but it does depend on how you explain it. I would not lie (why should you?) just keep the language simple. Never had a lock,that seems more scary to me for a child.It does get easier!

deadringer · 22/01/2018 20:33

Yes op, sex is never quite the same post kids, as pp have said, teens are the worst. We have always had a lock on our bedroom door, all our doors came with a key. I lock my bedroom door all the time, if I am getting dressing, shaving my legs, whatever, everyone needs privacy sometimes. My dc don't wander around the house looking for me, they knock and wait til I open the door.

CharlotteLV · 22/01/2018 21:44

I bought one of those hook and eye sets but I'm not very good at DIY so have decided it's easier to wait until they go to university. They're 9 and 12.

NapQueen · 22/01/2018 21:48

If you are no good at fitting a lock buy a doorstop or nick one from the office and wedge it under the door on the inside

FaveNumberIs2 · 22/01/2018 21:51

You are being unreasonable.

It’s not for life.

  1. Get a lock on the door.
Or
  1. Put the laundry basket behind the door.
Or
  1. Get grandparents/aunts/family to have them overnight.
Or
  1. Get a babysitter and the two of you book a hotel for the afternoon.

You’re not the first to have kids walk in on you, and you’re not the last, and no, it’s not traumatising.

Snowysky20009 · 22/01/2018 22:17

I must be the only one who's sex life has massively imporoved since kids! Our trick, wait until they are asleep and use the hours between 11-2am works a treat for us! Oh and quickies in the bathroom, kitchen, bedroom, when we are doing chores lol

caringcarer · 22/01/2018 22:32

We put lock on our bedroom door because I struggle to relax fully when kids are around.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 22/01/2018 22:54

Don’t have a lock on ours and only got almost caught once. It was during the day so our fault really lol

Sex doesn’t happen often but luckily for us we have sound sleepers so no disturbances. I’m sure all that will come when they are older though.

It can’t be too bad though if you have managed to pop in another two babies Wink

QuackPorridgeBacon · 22/01/2018 22:57

It doesn’t matter how it is “dealt with” by the parents after the fact, there are some things you can never unsee and and it’s best to avoid that for your child

My mum didn’t act like it was dramatic when I walked in. Definitely not traumatised. Guess it does depend how you react then.

MrsMaxwell · 22/01/2018 22:58

All 6 of our kids have walked in on us once, but not twice Smile

Abbylee · 23/01/2018 01:05

Wait until menopause.

GinnyJumperoo · 23/01/2018 01:24

Walking in on your parents is a bit of a right of passage I think. I don't think any of my school friends didn't tell that story.

We have a wandering three year old. We also have a stair gate at the top of the stairs. We have sex in the living room after she's sleep. it's the only place I can feel relaxed enough as I know she can't walk in. When we have sex in our bedroom I feel like I always have one eye on the door

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