Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think sex as a parent is crap

140 replies

aliceinwonderglass · 21/01/2018 00:09

My eldest (9 year old DD) has just walked in on me & DH in the middle of it.
We have 3 DC - DD1 (9), DD2 (7) and DS1 (7 months)
When the planets do finally align (i.e all kids are in bed, one of us isn't tired, we are both in the mood) and we manage to get a moment to ourselves, it is now interrupted by one of the kids barging through the door with "something to tell us".
AIBU to think that my sex life as a parent for the foreseeable future (i.e until all kids have grown & flown the nest) will be naff?

It's not just the interruption but realising that I've become the repulsive shagging parent.

OP posts:
HipNewName · 21/01/2018 04:39

Put a lock on the door.

It's not that hard.

Bowerbird5 · 21/01/2018 04:48

Put a lock or barricade with a chair. At that age if they walk in and twig what is going they may tell others. One of the kids at school told me a story then said what they had been told then added," But I think they were having sex," just what I had been thinking. She's 10.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 21/01/2018 05:09

It's easy enough to put a bolt on the door. Dh and I used to bolt ours when we had children young enough to burst in at 'inopportune' moments.

When I was small, I did sometimes wonder why my father told us very firmly never to go into our parents' room without knocking first. We never did, such was the power of parental authority then.

Liskee · 21/01/2018 05:20

We go for it the second both DC are in bed and asleep. Pretty much our only guaranteed hour in the day or night when we won’t be interrupted. Though DS2 has a tendency to set himself a later bedtime these days unfortunately, so our opportunities have been obstructed Sad Bloody teething Wink

Toadinthehole · 21/01/2018 05:57

When the children were younger we were strict on bedtime, so they were just about always asleep by 8, giving us a couple of spare hours to ourselves.

We made sure the kids knew not to disturb us after that time without a good reason.

A bit trickier now they're older (youngest is nearly 10) and go to bed later 8:30 - 9), but to be honest, it only rules out noisy sex, not sex itself.

And while I obviously don't want them walking in on us, I don't think it would traumatise them and I don't think it would happen more then once. Also if they can hear us through the wall, it doesn't seem to have traumatised them either.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/01/2018 06:41

Your dd probably knows about sex. Mine (9) does. I didn’t tell her. Has always she didn’t want to know about how babies come out, any kind of sex info when I asked her if she’d like to know. Then she and her friend were talking and friend told us what it is and dd professed to knowing as well. Idk if that’s true. We had the sex talk that evening.

Nanna50 · 21/01/2018 06:43

My parents always had a lock on their bedroom door and my children were always told to knock but sometimes forgot. Sex is worse when they are teenagers because they will actually mention it and tell you that you are too old or some such twaddle.

As for flown the nest? One of my adult children has a key and has called round a few times when we’ve been mid shag. My adult son once stood outside ringing the house phone and our mobiles until we answered and then asked were we having a nap, were we ok why were we not answering the phone by which time even the neighbours had guessed what we were doing.

The most sensitive part of the body during sex, after kids, is your ears.

StopTheRoundabout · 21/01/2018 06:48

Ywbu. Get some locks and use them. It's not complicated.

PecanPieFace · 21/01/2018 06:51

Omg what's with the pearl clutches? Confused

BitOfFun · 21/01/2018 07:02

What, do you mean the one post?

DeadGood · 21/01/2018 07:07

“most people don't have locks on bedroom doors though”

Yes, but they can get them.

jarhead123 · 21/01/2018 07:09

You seem more concerned about it from your point of view than your daughters!

Poor thing having to see that. Maybe teach her to call you, rather than come looking for you?

In your situation I'd get a lock for the bedroom

PecanPieFace · 21/01/2018 07:09

Oh look there's another Grin

BitOfFun · 21/01/2018 07:10
Grin
ButDoYouAvocado · 21/01/2018 07:13

We put a lock on our door. We cant scream the house down but other thsn that its sorted.

ToesInWater · 21/01/2018 07:17

We put a bolt on our bedroom door for that reason (and taught kids to knock). Sorted.

GetYourRocksOff · 21/01/2018 07:17

I'd never lock our bedroom door. Never have and manage a decent enough sex life.

Now our eldest is 12 and staying up late it is getting trickier but that's what the living room, I dining room and kitchen are for!

BitOfFun · 21/01/2018 07:27

Christ, now I'm turning into one of the pearl-clutchers I was scoffing at Grin. WTF is a 12 yr-old meant to make of seeing you bent over the back of the sofa? I should think that's a bit more traumatising than barging in on your bedroom- at least they'd blame themselves rather than cringing themselves to death about their kinky parents!

ButDoYouAvocado · 21/01/2018 07:32

ButOfFun Grin

Hayze80 · 21/01/2018 08:04

My then 4 year old walked in on us once. Didn’t see anything since as soon as we heard the door start to open DH dropped down so was laying on me to cover everything. We were also completely under the covers. “Oh daddy, you’re squashing mummy!” “No, I’m just giving her a big hug”. “Can I give her a big hug too?” Both “NO!!!” “Maybe later”. He’s now 21, perfectly well rounded and has no memory at all of the incident. Since that day we’ve always put a door jam in. Works a treat.

Sex as a parent is different. You need to get creative, embrace quickies and really seize the moment when it finally appears. The really early years are the hardest. You have to be silent when the kids are in the house though. School helps along with the occasional late work start or lunchtime fun. Can be hard to get your schedules to sync though. Good luck.

GnomeDePlume · 21/01/2018 08:07

When DCs were younger the sofa saw more action than the bed did! I can remember going up to bed one night, clothes in hand wondering if we would ever DTD in bed again.

We moved house and one of the first things we did was fix bolts on the bedroom and sitting rooms doors.

Thurlow · 21/01/2018 08:13

So it's tantamount to abuse to put a lock on a wandering child's bedroom door but it's fine to lock your bedroom door to have a shag and leave the kids wandering around the house looking for you? Confused MN amazes me sometimes.

Anyway OP, I have to say we still have the monitor on in the kids room every evening, mainly because we can't hear them when we're downstairs watching telly. But there's a handset in our bedroom too and it helps enormously getting a warning one of them is awake and we need to arrange ourselves quickly!

gingerbreadmam · 21/01/2018 08:16

oh god I thought it was hard enough with an anxious dog barking away in the background / peeing on the carpet because you left it. God help us when we have DC! Funny thread though and some tips to future proof parent shagging Grin

ClaryFray · 21/01/2018 08:16

Put a lock on your door.

It's hardly gonna be locked for hours is it. While doing the dead and then unlocking it. They can knock.

Ratspit · 21/01/2018 08:21

Good grief, Thurlow, how big is your house?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.