To think sex as a parent is crap

[aliceinwonderglass]

My eldest (9 year old DD) has just walked in on me & DH in the middle of it.
We have 3 DC - DD1 (9), DD2 (7) and DS1 (7 months)
When the planets do finally align (i.e all kids are in bed, one of us isn't tired, we are both in the mood) and we manage to get a moment to ourselves, it is now interrupted by one of the kids barging through the door with "something to tell us".
AIBU to think that my sex life as a parent for the foreseeable future (i.e until all kids have grown & flown the nest) will be naff?

It's not just the interruption but realising that I've become the repulsive shagging parent.

Well. As being a SAHM for the past far too many years means we don’t have the money for a decent holiday, holiday sex isn’t a problem for us!
But I’d imagine many parents manage quiet sex in the same room as sleeping kids or shower sex on holiday. Or that’s why kids club holidays are so popular- you don’t think they’re off sight seeing do you?

At the weekends the younger ones are sleeping and the eldest is set up on the x box with his headphones on 😅

Ha! We have a 1yo going through separation anxiety atm so getting him to nap anywhere apart from on me is a miracle. Managed it yesterday morning so quickly seized the opportunity. However because this is such a rare occurrence atm whilst OH was doing his best to get passionate I was thinking in my head ‘if he naps for at least an hour we can get a quicky in, quick shower then I could do that ironing/put a wash on’. So I wasn’t really fully focused on the task in hand.

As it happens he work up so that plan was scuppered

As for holiday sex - that's the reason we don't ever use hotels for more than one night
Apartments and villas or houses all the way!

Woke!

I think it's more about being able to get in the mood, than worrying about traumatising them. Surely no one wants to know that someone can hear them having sex, whether that someone is a small child, teen, friend, relative etc.

All mine knock ..always have..I knock before I go in their rooms...we also have a lock on our door..

I think it's more about being able to get in the mood, than worrying about traumatising them. Surely no one wants to know that someone can hear them having sex, whether that someone is a small child, teen, friend, relative etc.

Oh, I agree with that reasoning minty. It was all the "but, think of the children!" posts I find weird.

My children were taught from a very early age to always knock. Teaches them respect for others privacy. Easy.

My aspie 13 year old texted me the other night to ask if everything was okay as he could ‘hear something’

minty yep exactly that.

Yanbu op, and it gets worse the older they get I reckon. It was fine when they were babies but I'm not an evening person and by the time they are in bed I'm knackered!

The most sensitive part of the body during sex, after kids, is your ears ^this

Our stairs squeak so we had some warning but you end up cultivating silent sex. Now they're mid-fledge one gone, one treating this house as a hotel it's easier, we lock the back door just in case.

Usually spooning with me facing the door on high alert ready to stop at the slightest sound. Our kids know we have sex. They think we have more than we do. Sometimes they have walked in afterwards and said ugh we know what you were doing. None of them appear traumatised.

Op I feel your pain, as of yesterday we had 3 sons living here 9, 11, 23
Our 23 year old has finally moved out as we could never train him to knock on the bedroom door as he always just walked in to tell us about his day, our 9 year old is autistic and we are lucky if he sleeps for 5 hours during the night, and we home educate our 11 year old, so we get no time to ourselves.
Luckily this week my mum stayed over and DH and I went to London for 3 days we only did the deed on the last morning just before check out as the other 2 days were used for catching up on uninterrupted sleep.

Yes, it is difficult with children for so many people.

I have teens, the sofa isn't an option or the kitchen as they are likely to walk in at any moment. Our bed is noisy and no matter how quiet you try to be there is some noise and in our house that is going to be over heard. I have also been sent a text message from my children.

We still have sex but it's still not nice thinking that you might be over heard by your children. I do not worry about traumatising them either. As someone else said, it just isn't a pleasant thought thinking that you can be heard.

For our 10th anniversary we are going away, having sex whilst being as loud as we like is going to be amazing.

I have been walked in on once through my 18 years of parenting and I am pleased to say that child has not been traumatised.

I have not been traumatised for doing to same to my mum as a teen.

This cost about £2 and took a few mins to fit.

On holiday there wasn't much opportunity when DCs were very small and we camped.

Once they were bigger and we were staying in mobile homes I thought that was what the kids clubs were for! When the kids clubs were in operation you didn't see too many parents wandering around!

There is hope, eventually. My youngest is 35 so we now have the whole house to ourselves, we sleep naked, can wander around the house naked and have fun anywhere we want. Life is wonderful. The 30 years with kids around were tough, I really wonder how we dtd and managed to have four little contraceptives

I have two 25 year old DS’s at home, one of whom works from here so he’s here more or less 24/7

We had a result on Saturday, we had 3 hours when they were both out 😍😂

We use a door stop. We keep it in the top of the wardrobe and only use it when we want some “privacy”

We close the bedroom door and then wedge the doorstop underneath. It means you cant open the door as it opens inwards.

Job done!

Lol this happened to us . DD (10) walked in looking for extra pillows. There was no way of hiding it...mega embarrassing for all. I'm deffo getting a lock . It's hard to relax though and do feel like decent sex is only if you get an overnight babysitter or get away somewhere xxx

Sex when you have teenagers in the house who stay up later than you is so much harder than a wandering toddler.

Once DS1 yelled that he could hear us, we thought he was asleep and weren't particularly noisy.

We have a lock, but it's only used for the short period when anything we are doing goes beyond 'cuddling under the duvet'. And only after ds age 8 started waking around 10pm.

The rattling of the doorknob is an instant mood-killer and we can reach over and unlock, so the kids haven't realised there's a lock.

We used to find a dressing gown at the door worked well. If they ever tried to get in, we'd time to sort ourselves out then open the door with the perfect excuse.

Once DS1 yelled that he could hear us

Did you tell him he should be asleep, or that he should wear some headphones?