Re child maintenance payments

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DSS is 13. Dh and I have been together for 10 years and during that time dss mother has been very difficult over access and just being generally obstructive. Never allowing more than 2 nights a weeks due to maintenance payments decreasing. We currently pay £700 a month for DSS and have him 2 nights a week.

Anyway long story short DSS has said that he wants to live with us. She's refused and it has gone to court and has been granted.

DSS mother now needs to pay us maintenance. Here's the thing she has asked if we can let her off as she can't afford it.

Dh was willing to agree to a family arrangement.
Aibu to say no way and pursue her through CMS.

It works out about £300 a month she needs to pay.

Dh has always paid maintenance never once missed it, ever.

Wtf.

this woman has quite obviously not been using any of her own income for her child

No. It’s really not obvious. Not even nearly.

Well to be fair, the mother's now saying she doesn't have £300 a month for her child so I highly doubt she was matching anywhere near what the father was paying every month.

It depends on what she's been spending it on. If she has taken on commitments that were in part to support her son, she may not have the ability to swiftly bring her spending down by 1000/month (the 700 she's losing and the 300 she owes). I'm not saying she has been spending that much on the child, I'm just pointing out that there's no way to conclude from the OP's posts that she hasn't because it's not at all out of the realms of normal. And that's without taking into account any loss of earnings the mum has had from fitting around everyday childcare when the boy was younger.

£700 a month? Wow I get £250 for 3!
I would say she has been given the opinion to do a direct agreement, she doesn’t want to pay. I’d send an email saying “if we can’t come to an agreement over cms that allows an amount fair to what is owed towards our sons upbringing I will unfortunately have no choice but to go to the cms. I will be contacting them in a weeks time”

If she cannot afford it, the cms will look into this for her.

I would allow a 3 month adjustment period allowing her to pay half the amount/£150 a month. After that I'd want the full amount. If she wouldn't agree to that then yes, I'd go to CMS. The reason I'd give 3 months is perhaps in that time she can reevaluate her spending costs and figure out what cut backs she can make and where, she could also use some time to find extra hours at work. I'm not just saying this because she's a woman, I'd say the same if a man was in the same situation too. It can be tricky when there is a big change of financial circumstance to get everything in order immediately. She'll also be losing child benefit and any tax credits she may have been entitled to. I think she's a bit cheeky to ask that she can pay nothing though.

Dh has spoken to CMS and opened a case.

It will take them a couple.of months to put the payment plan in place and any arrears accrued during that time will just be split over the other payments.

As an aside when DSS was younger dh paid the maintenance and half the childcare bill.

We have to run a house here for DSS to sleep in (always have had to) and feed him etc.

She has maintained her job that she had before they split and it is clear from her email title that she has been promoted etc. She has parental help.and dh was always happy too have DSS more she just never allowed it. I post this further details so that it paints a fuller picture of the situation.

@2boysDad It's a common refrain on Mumsnet that the CMS is only a minimum and that NRPs should pay more if possible, Strange how I haven't seen that posted on this thread when the NRP just happens to be the mother.

I too had noticed this. There are a small number of mentions of this, but nothing like you see on other threads where the boot is on the other foot.

OP - YANBU. Go for it.