To wonder when do they see their children?

[user1495362060]

I am currently working in STEM subject in academia but have to decide about a future career path. One of the possibilities is to work in finance.

I recently got a proposal for a relatively high paying job there. The hours however are 9-19 every day. I gather it isn’t even considered that long for this industry!

For various reasons I am not going to take this offer, however this makes me wonder...how do parents work at this kind of jobs? If I were to take it I would not see my kids except maybe for a few minutes at breakfast and as they go to bed. surely it cannot be a normal situation? If you work at a job with a salary which allows you to live in London with the kids, what are your hours?

It seems that presenteeism is getting worse and worse. I second the point about productivity made by a pp. I read last week that the Germans could stop working for the week every Thursday and still produce more than the UK. We are doing something wrong.

9am to 7pm is quite late - as in late start as well as finish. I guess it might be relating to markets in the US?
I would say you could find an 8-6 job or even earlier if dealing with colleagues in Asia.
It depends what your partners working pattern is. Childcare is just not able to cover a ten hour day plus commute so you need to have one of you on morning routine and the other evening. I'm not sure you can even as a nanny to work 12 hours every day?

Personally I wouldn't choose a job with those hours. I give 35-40 hours to work as a parent (40-45 pre kids) and that's enough for me even though I love my job and am good at it.

This sounds really normal to me but i’m Slowly becoming aware that it doesn’t have to be. My DH does these hours - in fact, more like 7-7, then socialising in the evening. It was only possible because I was the wife at home.

It has 100% affected his relationship with the children - he’s more like an uncle really. We’re gettimg divorced. I don’t recommend prioritising Work above relationships. Our society has its priorities wrong.

I work in finance at a high level. I work 8-4:30. My dh drops off and I pick up about 5 (30 min commute). If I need to do extra work I do it after my DS is in bed. I'm procrastinating now as I have year end stuff to do this evening. I have no time for hobbies, but it's just for a few years. I did the 9-7 hours before DS was born but most employers are flexible. Once I've paid off a few debts I might try to go to 8-3:30.

Those who are saying that parents who work long hours are not good parents can fuck right off quite frankly. My parents worked long hours and I always have and always will appreciate what they did for all of us.

My DH worked 7am to 8pm and sometimes started earlier and finished much later. He had a day off in the week and a Sunday if he was lucky. Because of his job Christmas was a very busy time and so days off then were few and far between. We have three DD’s. DH hardly saw them when they were little. Left home before they were awake and returned well after bedtime. We were lucky enough that I could stay home. I ran the house and did everything for the DD’s. Time together as a family was precious, we made sure we had lovely holidays and days out. Looking back it was hard work but it worked for us. When I ask DD’s what they think of their childhood they remember lovely days out, holidays and most importantly a happy, balanced and secure home life. They say they wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. In the end it’s whatever is right for your family. We are retired now and enjoying it very much. Two DD’s have good careers and youngest is at University, they all have a wonderful work ethic.

Pretty normal.
I was supposed to do 8.00 till 5.30pm amd we were sort of all expected to work until 6.00~6.30pm. Which I stopped when I had Dc1 ( urs ery closing at 6.00pm) but meant I was made redundant shortly afterwards.....

As someone else said, it’s not so much longer than a normal day anyway.

@whyismykid What country did you move too?

As for when do you see your dcs?
Before going to work, at weekends, rotating with your partner etc....

LipstickHandbagCoffee I totally understand that for some people their work really is the most important aspect of their life and people who do what they love for a living are really fortunate. But many people don't make such a positive choice and are effectively financially trapped, whether they are low-paid and need every penny to pay for basics or those at the other end of the scale who have chosen to take on massive mortgages, school fees etc and also feel trapped.

I work 8-18 i.e 8am-6pm, or similar 10 hour shifts 5 days a week. I am also separated from my child’s father.

The time I spend with my child is too little and it breaks my heart.

I work 8am til 6pm. I still see my child plenty. That hour tilt makes a huge difference. We're all away from 6am anyways as that's when my son wakes up and id rather he up early to play with him.

I very much know what being a good parent is,and it’s not measured in hours
Our kids know we both work FT in demanding jobs,that’s what we chose
And plenty other good parents work public sector in police,prisons health & social care
Parenting isn’t about PTA, school gates or giving stuff up. It’s about being connected and tuned in to your kids

I think when people work these hrs in an office, it is usually not set hours - just that they choose to or have a lot of work on. The more senior you get, the less your hours are set in stone.

Twig you’re simply imposing your value judgement on working parents
Another version of presenteeism,except location isn’t work it’s home
A value judgement on how often parents are at home.hours accrued there
women unfairly bear the burden of judgement (let’s face it it’s usually women who’re judged)

I think it's really easy to judge, but lots of people working in London have commutes of well over an hour. I'm sure 90 minutes is fairly normal. Even if you work 9-5, you're probably not getting out the office door dead on 5pm, so you're probably not getting home until 7, by which time young children probably have gone to bed. But for some people, the jobs/opportunities aren't there outside of London. The answer is moving more jobs out of the city, not blaming parents.

Equally there are people who, for whatever reason, need to work away either during the week or for long periods because that is what their industry requires. Should none of these people have children, or should they all quit their jobs?

Well said @LipstickHandbagCoffee
I actually prefer not having to deal with the politics of the school gates cliques.
Working FT does not affect my ability to love and be love by my DC

Dh is out of the house before 7am if he finished ontime as such he isn’t home for 5:30pm but ontime is rare it’s krept up to 6pm then 6:30pm the kids want dinner at 4pm then it’s homework, some play, bath and bed they go to bed between 6-7:30pm youngest to oldest. Some days his in at 5am and the latest his ever worked till even I had gone to bed depending on if something critical is having to be done then he works some Saturdays as well if needed as well as emails/phone calls once home and even on holiday. That’s not a hugely paying job but it runs with the motto of work the job not the hours. It’s annoying but it pays the bills I would say interest enables me to stay at home but it doesn’t it requires me to stay at home as I just never know what time we will be home or if he will be working a weekend or not to get a job.

My family will always come before work.

I would not want to be in a job where i was barely at the school gate, barely attended school events , and barely ate as a family.

My career decisions have always been based on work life balance and family time.

I want to work , i need to work , and i earn a good salary - but it comes second to the needs of my children.

@LipstickHandbagCoffee ... there is evidence that children do better when their parents are closely involved with school.

No one ever went to their death bed wishing they worked more.

My progression dc through nursery & school has been uneventful because I work
I dont get enmeshed in the school gate politics,dramas,cliques or PTA (hell no!)
Those who don’t work have had some tumultuous times and got over involved at school/nursery
I’m happy to fake a smile when on the receiving end of i don’t know how you do it(head tilt)
Easier than saying actually save your faux pity and don’t raise your over arched eyebrows at me

What research?research shows parental employment is biggest single social indicator of outcomes
I’m am closely involved with school,if they contact I respond.
I don’t need to run a stall,or sell cakes to be engaged in dc education ahh the ole death bed,well on my death bed i will remember with pride a career I loved
I won’t remember bake sales or pta on my deathbed

I think the back and forth about how much time should be spent with children is pointless.

The point is that no employer should expect an employee to dedicate the vast vast majority of their time to them - it should be possible to have a good job and decent salary without it taking over your life.

DH and I both had jobs like this pre-children. Now DH has a job like this, and I look after DD.

We thought about getting a nanny, but I just couldn't face saying goodnight to her on a Sunday and not seeing her again until Friday evening.

And working beyond 7 hours a day is genuinely pointless.

To clarify - obviously shift work is different as it tends to be long bursts followed by breaks - that does work. But 10 hours every day is a literal waste of time.

Only if one has a pointless job