To wonder when do they see their children?

[user1495362060]

I am currently working in STEM subject in academia but have to decide about a future career path. One of the possibilities is to work in finance.

I recently got a proposal for a relatively high paying job there. The hours however are 9-19 every day. I gather it isn’t even considered that long for this industry!

For various reasons I am not going to take this offer, however this makes me wonder...how do parents work at this kind of jobs? If I were to take it I would not see my kids except maybe for a few minutes at breakfast and as they go to bed. surely it cannot be a normal situation? If you work at a job with a salary which allows you to live in London with the kids, what are your hours?

I also want to add (cause MN is a bit like therapy, right?) - that the time I did have with DS was not good quality time! Once I had picked up DS at 6pm - I then had to get a tired, grumpy little boy on an overcrowded bus, then a five minute walk home, then feed him (something from the slow cooker on a good day, or beans on toast), getting him in the bath, stories, crazy going to sleep antics (quite often sat on the floor in the hallway outside his bedroom / or holding his handing whilst working on my laptop or phone for several hours at a time whilst he screamed and wailed) - Then I would eat something myself, do some washing, pack bags, talk to DH for 20 mins or so depending on when he got in and then fell asleep, ready to get up at 6am and do it all again.

It was absolute hell, and when I moved to only working 4 days a week, I was completely marginalised at work until I realised it just wasn’t worth it!
I was physically and mentally defeated, I cried a lot, I ate badly, had no time for exercise, barely spoke to DH about anything other than practical issues.

But then ...,DH was offered a job in a different country and we moved, I am a SAHM though I do a bit of (well paid) contract work from Home occasionally - our quality of life has so dramatically improved, I’m a totally different person and the three years I spent working in that job with a child seem like a surreal nightmare !

(Sorry OP, I’ve gone off on one...)

at the weekend.

I am always puzzled by all the posters who claim to have tea with their children every day of the week, and those who claim to work 9 to 5 at most. It sounds great, but I've never found any of these mysterious "full-time" jobs.

I only really see my kid at weekends

I do similar hours (8-6) 5 days a week. Two half days I can work from home so I work at my desk until 3, then pick boys up from school and spend the rest of the afternoon with them (and make up the extra hours in my own time / evenings). 3 evenings a week we train together (karate) and have dinner afterwards.

The 24h call shifts are harder (4 nights and two weekends every quarter) as then I can be in and working for the entire time and not see my children that day.

I see my children at breakfast and dinner almost every day and usually a few hours in the evenings. I see them at least 2 afternoons in the week as well, plus most weekends and school holidays. I also have a job with very supportive colleagues so I can usually get cover for an hour to see them get awards in assembly or watch their end of project presentations. This year I’ve got the week off to go to school camp with my older son (5 days hiking, kayaking, climbing, swimming & building sandcastles - will be awesome).

The big difference I suspect is that my commute is 10mins - I can see the hospital I work in from my kitchen windows.

@Tarraleah I have dinner with my children just after 6 every day. I work full time 8-6 for 4 days /week, 8-1 Thursdays. It’s not mysterious in the least.

I can’t see the problem with those houurs your quoting.plenty folk work that pattern
That’s reality of working parents, and esp in ldn.youre not compelled to do it op
I leave house 7am, collect kids 6. Don’t work weekends. It’s not a problem. We are a happy,thriving family

I do 3 early starts where I don't see my DC until I collect from after school club.
I do 2 late starts to take them to school and 1 early finish to collect them.
It's fairly common.
DH sorts the mornings I'm not there. We see them all weekend and as they grow older and go to bed later we'll spend more time with them.
We just spend quality cuddles time when with them. I also let youngest crawl into bed at night, naughty but nice - I wouldn't miss it for the world x

HicDraconis but you are really lucky. At least you don't commute, which obviously helps. Even my teacher friends are rarely at home so early!

If you finish work at 6pm, I want your secret to have diner ready at the same time!

I think it's probably normal in London for one parent not to see their children on weekdays. When I was a child, I didn't see my dad in the week often due to the commute and the hours he worked. But my mum was able to be a stay at home parent until I went to school, so it balanced out that way, and we had quality time together at the weekends and on holiday. He eventually retrained as a teacher though, and we moved to the south west, for lots of reasons, but I guess it might have bothered him.

I think children get used to it, and as long as there is a primary carer around, it's ok. If both parents are doing it, it's probably not ideal though.

Given the crazy commutes people do in London these days, I can't imagine the situation has got any better, even if you're working 9-5.

City jobs would usually be longer hours than that. I have a nanny but it’s still tough as a single parent. The answer is unfortunately that most of the people who work those hours have wives.

Sensible jobs do exist Dh works in IT for a London university and leaves the house at 8am and is home by 6.15pm. He earns nowhere near as much As I am sure he could working in a similar role in the City but we cannot put a price on work-life balance.

I absolutely understand that some people (ie the poorly paid ones not the ones raking in £100k) really do not have a choice in their working hours but I think it is incredibly sad that in general people (parents or not) feel they have to submit to 10-12 hour working days and as long as people do accept this kind of abuse by employers it will never stop.

Basically they see very little of their DC. Unless they're genuinely on the breadline I do judge parents who choose this over going part-time or a taking a less-well-paid job so they can actually spend time with their DC Mon-Fri (I'm aware I'll be flamed for this and am ok with that - most kids would prefer a parent they see to a bigger house and nice clothes/cars/holidays).

DH and I are senior in a profession with long hours, but since having DS we're both part time. We bought a house knowing we'd be earning less post-DC so didn't choose a crazy mortgage.

Op if you turned well paid job done,solely on those hours I think,that’s foolish
Jobs are a progression,you start demonstrate your skills/abilities, get salary rise etc
If you don’t put yourself out for a high wage and progression your choices and path may be limited

This is why I quit my city job (analyst).

^^

I don’t want to go PT hedgehog, and I work FT because I want to,I chose it
I don’t work solely for money,there is vocational & personal satisfaction
And I want to be solvent,live in a nice area and go on holiday.its about me too
I have been training & working longer than I have had kids,work is important to me

@Tarraleah it’s not a secret 😊 we have a 4 week menu cycle so we know what’s for dinner every day. Weekly food shop and batch prep stuff like tomato sauces at weekends. The night before we get whatever is needed out of the freezer. At some point during the day I text DH to make sure he knows what to do with it, or if it’s a slow cooker thing I stick it on before I leave for work. 10h on low cooks most things.

I used to cook as soon as I got in so we’d be eating around 6.45-7pm. DH does far more now (combination of necessity and increased confidence) so it’s usually ready as I walk in. On the odd night something won’t have gone to plan and then we all cook together.

DH regularly works those hours and more. However, I work part-time doing a job where I can walk out the door on time and not have to think about work at all. We certainly couldn't manage if we were both doing really long hours. DH does get a very good holiday allowance which helps him cope with the long hours.

Twig,I don’t submit to work. It’s not passive.i chose a demanding career
As I said I don’t work solely for money,there is vocational & personal satisfaction
I have been training & working longer than I have had kids,work is important to me

thank you Hic it sounds very efficient some of us should take note

I batch cook, it really is efficient
Make work lunch night before
Lay out clothes for the week on Saturday
Lay out kids clothes for week
All bags packed night before

Basically they see very little of their DC. Unless they're genuinely on the breadline I do judge parents who choose this over going part-time or a taking a less-well-paid job so they can actually spend time with their DC Mon-Fri (I'm aware I'll be flamed for this and am ok with that - most kids would prefer a parent they see to a bigger house and nice clothes/cars/holidays).

This. No amount of money/materialism is more important than being a good parent. A parent who barely sees their children for days on end isn’t a good one.

Actually I’m selling DH short. He does the food shop while the boys are at karate on Friday, I just batch prep at the weekend (except today I am spending being waited on hand and foot - was up most of last night at work). It helps that he’s a SAHD.

I recognise how lucky I am. I see my boys far more than my UK colleagues, we have the house / holidays / lifestyle and we live in one of the most amazing holiday destinations. It took a lot of sacrifice and work to get here though. I hardly saw my babies while I was training, I hardly saw DH some days. It’s one of the main reasons we moved.

Having done these sorts of hours in a City job (Big 4), plus a commute because we couldn't afford to live in London, the short answer is - you don't, during the week. Not awake, anyhow.

This is one of a long list of reasons why I no longer work in the City.

Actually I’m a v good parent.my dc are happy,healthy,and loved
I won’t be judged by an anachronistic standard that if I’m not at school gate with flour in my hair from home baking I’ve somehow failed
I don’t go to sports day, I’m not at school gate often.and it really doesn’t matter
You see being a parent isn’t a competition in conspicuously being there
And being a good mum isn’t measured by what one gives up to be mum

I'm surprised no-one's mentioned boarding schools - from what I've heard from teacher friends, independent boarding schools are full of the offspring of high-powered lawyers etc where both parents are workaholics. They get good schooling, but very little contact with family.