Left out?

[Pingu30]

Feel a little shocked/upset.

My boyfriend (of three years) has been invited to one of his best mates weddings. The invite has come through the door is addressed to him and him only and has no mention of a +1.

It looks as though the bride-to-be has written it, rather than his friend. But still?

yes AlonsosLeftpinky, its the fact its to celebrate the happiness of finding someone and legally committing to them - to then say they don't care about others similar happiness is just odd/selfish.

Though I'd be more upset that my other half just thought cool, i'll go on my own, I don't care if my friends don't care about my life choices, rather than politely declining and sending a card.

Perfectly happy to go to a wedding with a group of old school friends, however would be really pissed to get there to find them all coupled up and me sat there by myself because my partner was deemed not good enough for an invite and having to bat away awkward questions.

I wouldn't be happy op. You're not being over sensitive. Make sure she's not invited to your wedding (yes I'm a little bitter and hold a grudge if I'm left out of stuff!!)

Yanbu, i'd be hurt too. What is it these days with all this leaving out the partner crap. Unless you know a lot of people going to the event who wants to go to a wedding on their own..... I'd hate to sit for a meal without a partner/friend with me, and then have the problem of looking for someone to hang out with throughout the day/evening. Thoughtless of any B&G that does this imo.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. It’s not like you are a new girlfriend on the scene. I think it’s rude and if you are inviting her to your wedding then you are a bigger person so be proud of that x x

And i'd bloody resent them getting a wedding present. Why should you have to be financially affected by their wedding. Sod em.

Yes Emily, I would. If my DP isn’t friends with the bride/groom, he wouldn’t automatically assume he was coming. I’m more than capable of having fun without him and vice versa.

As it goes, there is only a couple of people who are invited whose partners haven’t been invited and that’s because they weren’t in a relationship when the guest list was written and we simply can’t squeeze them in at the moment. I have other friends who would be higher up on the list to invite once we get RSVPs back so it’s unlikely their partners will be invited.

Until I got married I have no idea how hard it is to do the cast list. I wish we could have invited more people, it always feels like a compromise and one where somebody is not happy whatever you do. In hindsight I’d have invitee more distant family and fewer work colleagues as family were upset not to be there. Years later I don’t know the work colleagues any more but at the time they seemed a huge part of my life.

Didn’t - I am also perfectly capable of having a good time socially without my husband and often enjoy nights out with my friends. However weddings are very expensive to attend and it is for a full day and night; given the outlay in both time and money I would not choose to attend without my husband (the exception being colleagues wedding where he chose not to go).

I also do not get the waiting for rsvps to see who else you can invite. How does that work? Seems very strange to me, invitations are normally sent 6 to 8 weeks before the wedding so by the time you get the rsvps it would be very late to invite anyone else; not to mind that they would surely know they didn’t make the grade for an invitation in the first round. Also, every friends wedding I’ve been invited to I’ve known I’m getting an invitation long before it arrives. Do you tell your friends they have to wait until the first round of guests rsvp before they know if they will be invited?

I recently had a wedding and wouldn't have dreamed of not inviting a live in partner/spouse alongside a guest.

Casual girlfriend, maybe not as it was £80 a head but if you live together and have a child together v rude not to invite you to IMHO.

I'd get your hubby to question it with the groom under the guise of 'just checking I've got this right '.

For all you know they may have meant for you to come but just forgotten to make it clear on the invite.

I wouldn’t be offended at all (if I didn’t know bride and groom well) if I wasn’t invited to the day part - the actual ceremony. There’s probably limited places and why would you want lots of strangers there.

I’d be a little left out to not be invited along to the night do though. Especially if all other friends partners are invited? Are they?

It is very rude not to even invite op to the evening, that sounds like a real snub.

My DH’s cousin is getting married in July.
Invited him but not me or our son. Wrote in the invitation that DH will be sharing a hotel room with his dad needless to say, he won’t be attending.
YANBU, it’s fucking rude.

We got married recently and everyone had a plus one. However I wouldn’t be offended if I didn’t get invited to the wedding of someone I barely knew.

waterfall how rude, to dictate your dh sleeping arrangements, if he were attending, its up to him what he does.

Miscella we sent out save the dates and some people have responded to say they already have things booked, others haven’t mentioned anything or even told us they received the card. We have quite a lot of family who would be traveling quite some distance and I expect not all of them will be able to come. Invites will be going out sooner, rather than later for that exact reason. Incidentally I have had wedding invites at least 6 months in advance for most I have attended. There are then some colleagues and friends that it would have been nice to invite who would be invited if possible. It’s not even a cost thing, our venue just simply will not hold over 100 people and my family is massive.

DH's friends did this years ago (invited him to their wedding but not me). I was extremely offended; needless to say I avoided them after that, which resulted in them growing apart from DH because I wouldn't have anything to do with them

And you never realised that they didn't invite you because they knew you were the kind of hideous controlling harpy that does such things?

I can see both sides to this. I think it's a bit rude but also she's never met you! So you can't be a close friend. I struggle to understand how this is your DH's best friend but you've never all socialised together, even once?

I wouldn't like strangers at my wedding though....

Are your DH and the groom part of a group of mates? Are the other wives/girlfriends invites? It could be that the groom has decided to only invite his mates rather tha mates and partners.

Unless you are the only person not invited I don't really see the issue tbh.

I think it depends on who is invited. O have 5 close friends from school. Some in serious relationships, some not. Not engaged or married or had kids when I got married.
Only my friends were invited to the day so they could all be together and no one feel left out by the couples. On the evening they all had an option to bring a partner or plus one along. They were all happy not to. It would have been different if they had kids perhaps. One of the others in the group did the same thing and I had a lovely wedding with my female friends. Next wedding partners were invited and it changed the dynamics.

However I wouldn't stop your partner from going. You said he'd avoid to keep the peace. He shouldn't have to. Be a grown up, wish him a lovely time and mean it

I wouldn't be offended by this.

I'm long term single and I think it's excruciatingly rude to have not invited you!!!

Your partner is apparently one of the groom's bosom buddies, yet the mother of his child and fiancée is snubbed?

For SHAME!!!

NO way would she be setting one single hoof in my wedding. Noooooo waaaaay joooooséééé

It's rather rude I think, but might be worth clarifying before starting to get annoyed.

The way to deal with potential guests that haven't met one of the couple is to arrange to get together sometime before the wedding - not to exclude them completely.

If I didn't know either of the couple that well, and the invited person had other friends that were going I would think it was ok, but would still expect some kind of acknowledgement from them - eg. we haven't invited your partner because of x y and z not because we don't like her. and they should have invited you to the evening do still.

It's very rude OP