Left out?

[Pingu30]

Feel a little shocked/upset.

My boyfriend (of three years) has been invited to one of his best mates weddings. The invite has come through the door is addressed to him and him only and has no mention of a +1.

It looks as though the bride-to-be has written it, rather than his friend. But still?

I think it’s very rude to invite anyone to an event and not include a plus one or their long term partner. At my wedding we invited all partners that we knew about (so I suppose if someone had just got together with someone three months before the wedding they wouldn’t have been invited as wouldn’t have been known about). One friend broke up with her partner and asked if she could bring her best mate instead (as wedding was a long way away and she knew no one) - that was fine.

Yes, people can do why they like and maybe they can’t afford many people but i think it is rude not to invite partners or plus one whether it be a wedding, party or any event.

Is there anyone in DH's 'friendship circle' or family that your DH can discreetly ask about whether their spouses/partners were invited or not? It may be that others' OHs weren't invited either. Although if DH and Groom are truly best mates, he should be able to ask him directly.

I do think it's odd unless it's for cost purposes. DH's best friend's wife and I couldn't stand each other and I was still invited to their wedding. Of course, she couldn't stand DH either (tried to 'ban' him as best man) so I guess it was all much of a muchness.

She finally succeeded in separating him from all this friends and most of his family. So watch out, OP.

I would be annoyed as well. I was invited once without my bf, now DH because of numbers and that my friend didn't know him very well. I wasn't going to go on my own as it was 2 hours away and I didn-t know anyone else but luckily he had a last minute invite. I find it odd they haven't explained to you why you've not been invited

Its very rude that you are not even invited to the evening bit.

A friend of mine did this at her wedding. No children or partners unless they both knew them. It's harsh but there might be a financial reason for this?

He's not your boyfriend, he's your fiancé, you live together and have a child. If you put that in your OP I think you would have more unanimous support.

I think it's rude but rather than speculate your fiancé needs to ask his mate what the thinking behind excluding you was. It could have been a simple error. Find out the real reason and then come back and tell us, we love a wedding thread.

I would've left him in charge of the gift as you suggest but the want money for the honeymoon instead so that rules that out.

Nevermind, I'll get over it and use my "outfit money" for something else as a treat from me to me haha

Oh well, that's one less never-met spouse you have to invite when you get married! She won't mind, I'm sure!

The only time I’ve gone to a wedding without dh has been a colleagues wedding, partners were invited but many (including my dh) chose not to go.

There was one other wedding that I was invited to without dh, I politely declined that one.

Let him deal with that Pingu, one less person to invite at your wedding.

It’s incredibly rude. You are engaged and have a child ffs. I’d expect my dh to call and ask about it, and if there was no budging say something like well I have the rsvp date, I’ll think about it and hang up. Especially when you have a child, it’s not just only having space for him, it’s saying oh pingu can just stay home with their dc.

I think it's rude given that you live together and have a child.

But before you jump the gun, are you sure you're not invited? Why don't get ask your dp to ask his friend if the invite was supposed to include a plus one. Then you'll know for sure.

*they could spend all their money on a big statue of bon jovi and only invite the cashier from Lidl, it’s their wedding.^

I am getting married this year, that’s my plans sorted!

My husband wouldn't even consider to going to something unless I was invited, and neither would I. It's disrespectful

I’m going against the grain your established couple live together engaged have a child, I would have included you on the invite and think it’s quite rude to exclude you. My dh wouldn’t attend a wedding if I wasn’t invited unless it was a colleague.

agreed, very rude to not invite the other half of an engaged/living together couple. Only exception would probably be a bunch of work colleagues for example.
My other half would also decline that sort of invite, as would I. (politely of course). I'd assume they'd not "forgot" to make it clear on the invite that i was invited (unless it was just an email/facebook invite)

this is NOT a +1 situation, that is only for single guests, this is just ignoring one half of a couple.

I would feel a bit resentful too and I think it is a bit off. But I don’t think it can be anything personal as she doesn’t really know you. Make sure you and your dc do something really nice that day.

The more i think about it the more I feel my dh wouldn’t go. What’s the point of celebrating the unity of marriage between two people who don’t care that you have a fiancée who will be your wife shortly?

You absolutely are not being unreasonable. It's totally unacceptable to only invite one of a couple. Basic etiquette.

Yanbu
I would always invite a plus one to a wedding. It matters not one bit whether you are married or not, why does that matter?
If you want to be padangic about it, nearly half of all marriages end in divorce anyway so by definition the bride and groom will have lost contact with a good percentage of the wedding guests in their twilight years.
Make sure she isn't invited to your wedding op.
Oh and I'd definitely not encourage my dp to give them money,
Maybe buy one of those experience days as a gift you know one that the groom can do alone or with your dp.

You know motor bike racing or a day at silver stone, FOR ONE.

This happened with me and DH whilst we were engaged.
I didn't go, DH was a bit put out but went with one of his single mates. He spent the entire time messaging me about the shot time he was having as I wasn't there. He wished he'd not gone.

We invited them both to our wedding. I didn't want to but then I'd be just as bad if I did the same in return.

I do think it’s quite normal to only invite friends and not their partners, even spouses, to some weddings due to restrictions on numbers.

We’ve got a cap of 100 so we’re only inviting partners of friends or family if we’ve actually met them a few times and would socialise with them by choice.

Apparently this is becoming common. I personally would not do this to someone but apparently it’s now not only normal but how people are cutting costs!

The trouble with that Didn'tcomehere is that you can't pick your friends partners.
Surely you have friends whom you are good friends with but that doesn't mean your dh is best mates with their husbands. Vice Versa too.

What if your dh wasn't invited places on the grounds that he isn't quite in enough with your mates dhs, whilst other partners are invited.
Would you feel happy as a single person surrounded by couples even if you were a better friend of the brides that the other women just because the groom preferred the other partners than your dh?

I don't agree with all this "we come as a pair" bollocks but I think it's really weird to not invite someone's partner to an event celebrating love and relationships.