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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Left out?

156 replies

Pingu30 · 20/01/2018 13:00

Feel a little shocked/upset.

My boyfriend (of three years) has been invited to one of his best mates weddings. The invite has come through the door is addressed to him and him only and has no mention of a +1.

It looks as though the bride-to-be has written it, rather than his friend. But still?

OP posts:

Mariposa123 · 20/01/2018 13:31

When we got married we had limited space, so only invited unmarried partners we either knew well, or we knew were living together. We ultimately made some mistakes: invited one partner I'd never met who is no longer with my friend, and excluded another I'd never met who is now married to friend! It's a tough choice and difficult to balance books and avoid offending people.

So I would say there may be a reason why you aren't there, and it is possible it is something that has been deliberated over at length. No harm in getting your BF to ask on you're behalf - you'll get an answer one way or the other!

Bellamuerte · 20/01/2018 13:32

I find it immensely rude to invite half of a couple to any social event - it's disrespectful to their relationship and not much fun for the one who's invited on their own. DH's friends did this years ago (invited him to their wedding but not me). I was extremely offended; needless to say I avoided them after that, which resulted in them growing apart from DH because I wouldn't have anything to do with them. We probably haven't seen them for 4-5 years now. I guess they should have respected the fact that we come as a pair!

OP, they obviously value your bf but couldn't care less about you. Personally I wouldn't bother with them any more. If your bf has any respect for you he will turn down the invite and back off from the friendship because they obviously don't like you.

Slippery · 20/01/2018 13:34

I would say you're not invited, judging from the invitation. But I would have thought they would have explained to your DH why (small wedding/close friends & family only etc).
I guess they should have respected the fact that we come as a pair!
Do you not do anything on your own then Bella?

Trills · 20/01/2018 13:35

It's fairly common to say that unless both the bride and groom have not met a person, that person is not invited.

It's a good way of getting out of inviting a lot of cousins and partners-of-cousins etc.

Dishwashersaurous · 20/01/2018 13:35

Maybe it is a child free wedding and by only inviting him there are no childcare issues for you. Therefore no risk of you saying can I please bring child.

SleepFreeZone · 20/01/2018 13:36

What does your fiancé think about it? To be honest he’s reaction would be the most interesting to me just incase he has helped engineer the lack of invitation to make sure he gets to have a good time.

Trills · 20/01/2018 13:36

Wrong number of negatives there but you get the point.

If you and your partner have been together 3 years, and the people getting married have been together long enough to be getting married, but you and the bride have not met even once, is "best mates" really a good description of the relationship between your partner and his friend?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/01/2018 13:36

If your bf has any respect for you he will turn down the invite and back off from the friendship because they obviously don't like you. Really?

Your now DH lost a friend because the friend didn't know you?

I am glad I am not so conjoined with my DH.

We have each been invited alone to a variety of events, including a wedding last year, and, despite having been married for almost 30 years, neither of us gets upset!

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/01/2018 13:36

I’d get your dp just to clarify that you aren’t invited. The person getting married is a good friend so I can’t see asking the question to be an issue.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 20/01/2018 13:39

I find it odd if he's a best friend that you've not met the girlfriend. I wouldn't want a stranger at my wedding either.

Given he obviously socialises with them alone I wouldn't think anything of the invite being just for him.

slothface · 20/01/2018 13:39

Have they invited you to the evening reception or just not invited you to any part at all?

Tbh, if you haven't met the wife, it's fair she doesn't want people she doesn't know at her wedding. But then if the groom has met you I do find it mildly weird he wouldn't want to invite you as his mate's partner, I don't think it's horrifically rude though.

All this "we come as a pair" nonsense makes me roll my eyes so hard. You don't turn into one homogenous blob with the other person once you get into a relationship. It's healthy to maintain your own interests outside of that and if my hypothetical bf was invited to a wedding of people I didn't particularly know and I wasn't I'd do nothing more than wave him out the door and hope he has a nice time

IHATEPeppaPig · 20/01/2018 13:39

Well I think it's really rude. That is unless the whole group of the grooms friends partners/wives haven't been invited - which would be weird.

Bellamuerte · 20/01/2018 13:40

Do you not do anything on your own then Bella?

I don't do anything socially where DH wouldn't be welcome. Of course we go out separately, but if he wanted to come with me he could (and vice versa). If someone made one of us unwelcome or excluded then the other wouldn't go.

swingofthings · 20/01/2018 13:41

If it's a big wedding and she did the invites, it's possible that she didn't remember your name and her OH wasn't there at the time to ask, so she left it that he would know it meant you could come to because it is obvious to her.

Or... it's not as big of a wedding as you think, they are on a limited budget and they had to ask some friends to come on their own, especially those who are not friends to both of them.

Let your OH find out and if it is the latter, don't take it personally.

Viviennemary · 20/01/2018 13:42

If you live together then it's a bit mean not inviting you. If not then fair enough. She certainly would get invited to my wedding regardless of the circumstances at the time.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/01/2018 13:43

I find it odd if he's a best friend that you've not met the girlfriend. I've hardly ever met DHs best friend, let alone his partner. DH has never net mine at all!

We work in very different jobs and tend to socialise separately. So that doesn't seem at all odd to me!

jack2001 · 20/01/2018 13:44

It's completely rude. Long term partners should be invited. You can't ask someone to come celebrate your relationship while disregarding theirs.

Felicitycity · 20/01/2018 13:44

I am sorry you are upset about this. The groom might be one of your BFs best mates, but they can't be that close if you've never met the bride. It is so hard for people to stick to numbers at weddings. Try not to take it personally!

Deadlylampshade · 20/01/2018 13:45

DH's friends did this years ago (invited him to their wedding but not me). I was extremely offended; needless to say I avoided them after that, which resulted in them growing apart from DH because I wouldn't have anything to do with them.

Wow that’s one bit of crazy right there.
So you made it so awkward for your partner to hang out with them that it ended their friendship?
That’s insane.

My husband and I have friends that we share and friends we have separate. If one of my husbands friends got married and invited only him to the wedding I’d just assume that they’d had a pain doing the seating. Weddings are tough.
To be honest I’d wave him off gleelybat the door and before the car had left the drive my arse would be on the sofa, a bottle of wine opened and takeaway ordered. Heaven!

ThisLittleKitty · 20/01/2018 13:46

If they socialise separately then it's hardly a surprise op hasn't been invited. LOts of people wouldn't want strangers at their wedding.

onemouseplace · 20/01/2018 13:47

This happened to me - I was pretty offended at the time. The irony was that (now) DH and I were living together at the time and had actually been together longer than the people who were getting married. They have since split up and the groom (who is DH's friend) married again.

Felicitycity · 20/01/2018 13:47

I am sorry you feel upset. People struggle to stick to numbers for weddings. Your BF can't be that close a mate if you've never met the bride. Try not to take it personally.

Bellamuerte · 20/01/2018 13:48

Your now DH lost a friend because the friend didn't know you?

The friend knew me. It's not like we'd never met. But clearly DH was their friend and I was just his wife who they weren't bothered about. You can't be friends with only half of a couple and exclude the other half. After the friend had made it clear that I wasn't regarded as a friend, I didn't want anything further to do with them.

tenterden · 20/01/2018 13:48

I wouldn't want anyone I had never met at my wedding.

Tbh OP weddings are tediously boring shite in general so I would be relieved

Aeroflotgirl · 20/01/2018 13:49

I would be hurt, especially its your boyfriends best friend, surely it's both who influence the guest list not just the bride🤔🤔. Oh well you don't have to invite her to your wedding, if you get married.

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