Are you a parent who doesn't RSVP to party invitations?!

[GinnyJumperoo]

If so, why? Why can't you send a quick text? Is it that hard?

DD's birthday party today and I have about eight parents who haven't bothered to RSVP for their kids.

This is the first party I've done and I naively assumed that a lack of rsvp would mean they weren't coming, but having spoken to a few of the other nursery mums who have had parties for their kids in the past year, this is not the case. "Some come, some don't". I understand that people do forget but from our discussions it's the same parents every time.

But what can you do?

No I'm not. I always respond within a few days.

Some people on MN will say they "forget' or have other things to worry about...but the reality is that they don't want to commit incase something better comes along.

It is so rude. Like I actually give zero fucks whether you come or not but at least let me know either way.

No - I always RSVP. Plenty don’t though - very annoying isn’t it?
Over the years I’ve learned to always ask them to reply by a certain date, usually a week before the party. Those that don’t bother to reply tend to come anyway... sometimes half an hour early ...

No. I would never be so rude.

Op

It is extremely rude

It's seconds to text a number.

I certainly never cater for non responders.

Nope, that’s rude. I’d be similarly rude to the parents who thought it was fine to just turn up.

It's rude. Don't cater for them.

This drives me absolutely fucking mad. It is so rude!

There is simply no excuse for failing to RSVP.

You can send a text while on the toilet if you’re that bloody time constrained, for crying out loud!

No, I always respond within a few days. My dd has this in her class and it's always the same parents.

That’s rude people always rsvp

I always respond immediately, same with any letters from school. RVSP to parent right away/sign any letters and put back in bag. I know I'll forget if I don't.

My son had a big party for his 13th birthday. Out of 40 invites sent out, only 3 rsvp. Very stressful forking out all that money for a cool party, the worry no one would show up for my son. I think most of the kids who were invited ended up showing up.

Very rude not to rsvp!

I always do. But I have to admit to forgetting once! I did call them before the party though.

We did a whole class party for his 5th - football party in a hall so it didn't matter how many turned up.

After that I had got to know parents mostly. Invites were given to his friends. I had gathered mobile numbers of as many parents as i cod throughout the year, and I made sure I had an idea of how to get hold of the parents of other children.

I then followed up directly with all the parents myself. I learnt my lesson with his 4th birthday where nobody RSVPd and EVERYONE turned up. Several with siblings.

Also before setting the date ans booking the party I talked to the parents of his two absolute best friends to make sure they could do those dates. As long as they are there he wouldn't mind who else turned up.

Finally I made transport arrangements and organised everything for the two children that came from chaotic households. I didn't twig to start with. But soon realised that one would always be really late if they made it at all and the other would never get there if we left it to their guardians.

Presents were likewise tucked away (I covered a cardboard box in shiny wrapping paper) so that children who came without gifts didn't feel bad.

One boy who eventually went into foster care said to me really sadly one day (when he came over after school) that he wished he could bring a birthday present. I told him not to be silly that the most important present was to be there because having fun with his friends was what the gift son loved the most. He brightened up so much at that it really broke my heart.

Yes I’ve not rsvped before - once because I knew an invitation had come in the house but I didn’t read it before it was lost and DS couldn’t remember either.
Another time I’m about 90% sure I sent a rsvp to an incorrect mobile no. On the invite as they seemed v surprised when I dropped ds off.
I’ve also had to be chased for a reply more than once because the invitations get sent out over a month in advance and I don’t have work shift patterns so far in advance and then the invites get buried at the bottom of the pile and forgotten.
But was goes around comes around and I so expect when it’s my DCs party turn we shall have a fair few missing rsvps

No I always rsvp. I'm reading this more and more on MN and I don't understand it. When my dcs were little and parties were frantically regular, I'd never been in your position or out anyone in that position. It's so rude!

Typo, PUT anyone in that position.

RSVP- they turn up
No reply- they don't
RSVP- are attending- don't turn
No reply- they do turn

I've had a mixture of the above. Better once you have mums and dad's as friends on fb and mobile numbers, easy to remind people lol

I do -immediately usually so I don't forget.

I'm the one who always replies on the last day for RSVPing. Or a couple of days before the party.

It is not a case of waiting for a better offer, It is a case of it being a party for the school friend of one child. We have 2 adults and 4 children to consider in this family, with work or social or school commitments for everyone. Much as my children love to attend parties, and much as I want them to attend sometimes it's not that simple.
DH is not going to miss work for a party. My DC are not going to miss important exams test or trips out for their sibling to attend the birthday party of a child in their school class, who isn't even a good friend.

I may have to wait to find out if my DH has a work meeting (Which means waiting for other people to get back to him), before u know if we can get the child to the party. If not he may be able to go, we will just need to find him a lift from somewhere else.

I have often replied to party invitations saying...'if you need a definate answer now, it will have to be no. But DC would love to come, I'm just waiting on the plans of x amount of other people before we will know' .

That might offend people. Sorry.

When I hand out invitations, I either hand them to the parent. Or follow up with the parent to make sure they've recieved it.

IME this tends to happen with younger children (3-6) where you're inviting quite a few guest and the parents don't know you.

Once we got to smaller parties and/or I knew the parents I never had issues with RSVPs.

I think it's a case of parents just thinking of it as a random party invite for someone they don't know in amongst many things they have to think about, and forgetting about it.

Shit that reminds me haven't rsvp'd to one I had this week. Tbh I have had some upsetting news about dc3 this week that has thrown me completely.

I'm just waiting on the plans of x amount of other people before we will know

Do you actually type those words? I'd think that sounds rude, it's like saying my life is more complicated and important that yours, if I can't commit that far ahead I'd ask for the final deadline date and say I'd let them know as soon as possible.

I have sent out invites with a mobile number, email and landline number and still struggled to get responses!

Best ever was a non responder who arrived with two extra kids and then reminded me that they were all vegetarian!

I will admit to finding an invitation for a nursery party in a pocket of DS's book bag we never use. I found it just before they broke up for Christmas, DS is now in year 2

I have had to be chased up a couple of times for parties when my younger two were smaller and life was hectic and disorganised. It's never been intentional and I've always felt dreadful about it.

I have been on the recieving end of lots party weirdness though, non replies and no shows are the tip of the iceberg.
Extra siblings, a friend who we'd never met, adding loads of coffees onto our bill, a group of parents standing around as we tried to eat a meal, a parent refusing to collect a vomiting child from a sleepover.

I'm just waiting on the plans of x amount of other people before we will know

Do you actually type those words? I'd think that sounds rude,

No I don't write those words.
I would give the situation.

'But I'm waiting to find out if the car is fixed.'

''But I'm waiting on my mother who told me she wanted to bring my great aunt to see us that day, but they are waiting to find out if she has a hospital appointment that day'

'But I'm waiting to see if DH is at work, if he is I'll have to see if x can bring her'

'But I'm waiting to see if we are celebrating my parents ruby wedding anniversary at lunchtime or teatime.'