Are you a parent who doesn't RSVP to party invitations?!

[GinnyJumperoo]

If so, why? Why can't you send a quick text? Is it that hard?

DD's birthday party today and I have about eight parents who haven't bothered to RSVP for their kids.

This is the first party I've done and I naively assumed that a lack of rsvp would mean they weren't coming, but having spoken to a few of the other nursery mums who have had parties for their kids in the past year, this is not the case. "Some come, some don't". I understand that people do forget but from our discussions it's the same parents every time.

But what can you do?

It's so rude. Takes seconds to RSVP.

No I'm. It it's beyond rude and lazy
6yo ds been told no more class parties because of this
Bloody ignorant

DC3 is missing a party today. I didn't reply to the invitation for a couple of weeks because I didn't know if he could go - we knew DH would be away but not when he would be getting back.

When I replied I apologised for the delay and explained in full. There wasn't an RSVP date and there was still a fortnight to go.

I tend to reply as soon as the invitation, the calendar and I are in the same room together. But I recognise that it's not always easy to do that so I send a reminder text chasing. I've had those texts myself and gone "er, what party?" so they're definitely worthwhile.

I probably am that parent sometimes. If I know you and like you and want to be at the party with my 5 year old, then I’ll tell you verbally probably straight away.

If I don’t know you or my child doesn’t seem fussed then I’ll have a look at the venue/time and decide whether I can be bothered to get organised enough to take him. Then I’ll probably wait until the last time youve specified on the invite to say yay or nay. If I’ve decided I’m not going than I just won’t RSVP.

And before i get leapt on my son is a PITA when it comes to his own party so I don’t have any issues with RSVPs myself. I tend to go out with a couple of his close friends to somewhere local and leave it at that.

I haven't responded to one dd got for today. We got it last week written by the child who hadn't put the date on so I couldn't respond til I knew that. By the time dd established it was this weekend the invitation had hone astray and i don't have the number.
She told the child she couldn't go but don't know if she passed the message on.

I have often replied to party invitations saying...'if you need a definite answer now, it will have to be no. But DC would love to come, I'm just waiting on the plans of x amount of other people before we will know'

That wouldn't offend me at all. At least I'd know you were hoping and we weren't being ignored.

Sleep but that's incredibly rude. People want numbers to make up party bags/pay venues!

@SleepFreeZone

If I’ve decided I’m not going than I just won’t RSVP.

That's really rude. And inconsiderate.

I've not RSVP'd twice, and I felt completely awful about it on both occasions. Both occasions were for youngest DD.

On the first occasion, she was given the invite a few days before we flew to the UK for a holiday (we were living overseas at the time), and it slipped my mind because she developed a vomiting bug, and I was so stressed out as to whether she'd be okay for the flight. I remembered on the flight that I'd forgotten to reply, but by that time there was nothing I could do since I didn't have any contact details for the parent with me. I did Facebook message another mum who was a Facebook friend and whose child was in the same class, to ask her to give my apologies, but she apparently forgot to pass the message on.

On the second occasion, DD was given the invite on the day they broke up for the Christmas/summer holidays, but didn't give it to me, despite being asked to empty her bag. I found it at the bottom of her bag six weeks later, when I checked it before it was washed. Unfortunately, by that time the party had already been and gone.

I do try and reply immediately, but on those two occasions I slipped up, and I did feel really terrible about it.

"I have often replied to party invitations saying...'if you need a definate answer now, it will have to be no. But DC would love to come, I'm just waiting on the plans of x amount of other people before we will know" . Sorry, but I think that it is rude to keep the host hanging on for your answer....they have lives too.

If I can't commit, then I would just say my child can't make it. Or as another poster suggested, ask for a final deadline.

Having said that, at least you're bothering to send some sort of message!

Ahh...didn't see your follow up message where you specified a situation. That's better than how it as originally worded.

Had this recently, was annoying and stressful. Sent 28 invitations, had 13 responses of 'yes' but they dribbled in slowly, two of 'no' and no acknowledgement from the others. A few siblings of attendees joined in as well, so it was fine.
How difficult is it to text, FGS?

no - we don't. DD has severe autism and doesn't get invited. Ever.

I've learned to save the parent's details in my calendar/phone to save panic if an invitation goes astray.

I did find it hard to stay on top of in DS1's first year of school when I was working long hours, DH was often away, knew no-one at the school gates because I was never there and just permanently feeling on catch-up with life with two young DC's.

We're at the stage where invitations are for closer friends rather than trying to work out weeks in advance if we're prepared to take a chunk out of the weekend for the benefit of one child who can barely remember the name of the birthday child.

I've never turned up without RSVPing, but some did slip through in the early days.

@gingerh4ir

Last party I threw I specifically left off my address, so that they had to rsvp to know where to come. I know this wouldn't work for venue parties though.

No I don’t. I always text immediately so I won’t forget.
DS once brought an invitation home that was in his tray (primary) until after the date. I called them and apologised.

It's very rude not to reply, I hate that. If your DC doesn't want to come just text me to say, 'Thank you for the invitation but sadly X won't be able to make it.'

It does happen that a parent won't see the invitation so if you do send a reminder text it needs to be written politely, not assuming that they're being rude and just not replying.

don't cater for anyone who doesn't RSVP

but as for all this "I'm waiting" etc, surely the polite thing to do is say "I'm unsure at the moment, I'll be sure you tell you by the deadline" or frankly, just say no if things are that complicated.

I agree, Snowdrop. If you're waiting to hear (which doesn't necessarily mean waiting for a better offer) then there comes a point where if you can't give a positive yes you should officially decline with regrets. Or be clearer about the delay:

"We won't get DH's shifts for that weekend confirmed until Wednesday 10th. When will you need to know by?"

dd's party this year was one where you pay per child. One parent hadn't let me know if her daughter was coming and when I asked, she snapped at me that she didn't know yet.
Then later on that day she slagged me off to another parent, complaining how rude I was for wanting an answer.
Her DD didn't come in the end and she blanks me now. weirdo

To my mind if the mother doesn’t hear from me then I’m not going!

But what's the problem with replying, SleepFreeZone, surely that's the polite thing to do, if your child has been invited to a party and can't make it. How is it an effort to reply??