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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are you a parent who doesn't RSVP to party invitations?!

109 replies

GinnyJumperoo · 20/01/2018 12:27

If so, why? Why can't you send a quick text? Is it that hard?

DD's birthday party today and I have about eight parents who haven't bothered to RSVP for their kids.

This is the first party I've done and I naively assumed that a lack of rsvp would mean they weren't coming, but having spoken to a few of the other nursery mums who have had parties for their kids in the past year, this is not the case. "Some come, some don't". I understand that people do forget but from our discussions it's the same parents every time.

But what can you do?

OP posts:
SleepFreeZone · 20/01/2018 16:08

Well recently I’ve lost a pregnancy in the second tri and had a TFMR, lost my dad two months later and then my FIL died a month after that. I had my dad’s funeral last week and have my FILs in a few days time. I’m probably depressed and struggling to get my head straight, so honestly, I just don’t care enough.

The two recent parties were in village halls, the whole class was invited and I didn’t think my presence was that important. The mothers asked on the school Facebook page for people to say yay or nay as there were stragglers (I was one of them) and I said nay. I’m sure I should have felt guilty that they had to chase me up but I didn’t really. I don’t know them from Adam, my child doesn’t play with their child, I just felt quite meh about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nanny0gg · 20/01/2018 16:15

The mothers asked on the school Facebook page for people to say yay or nay as there were stragglers (I was one of them) and I said nay.

So you did answer.

I'm sorry you've had such a terrible time lately, but this thread is pretty much about people who just don't bother. Not people who have genuine reasons for having other things on their mind.

Flowers
SleepFreeZone · 20/01/2018 16:18

That is my current attitude but maybe it will change when I’m feeling brighter. As I said I just assume that if I don’t RSVP the mother will mark my child down as not attending. I didn’t realise that wanted non attendees to rsvp too so I need to consider that from now on.

Donnerkebabbler · 20/01/2018 16:22

I used to respond the minute I fished the invite out of the school bag. Some families I knew seemed massively over commited with extra curricular activities and hobbies so I imagine didn’t want to commit too soon, but I always hand priority to a kids party

CountFosco · 20/01/2018 16:28

I have 3 children, I work full time as does DH. In the last 10 years I've forgotten to reply twice. Plus there was the time my child gave me the invite 30 minutes after the party started. We missed that one! It happens. I have also replied twice a few times.

My friend once got no replies to her DC's party, she thinks the nursery didn't give out the invites.

DontbouncelikeIdid · 20/01/2018 16:35

I don't think it's such a problem not to rsvp if your DC are not going to the party. People who just turn up after failing to reply really annoy me though. I had to change a party venue after sending the invites out once. As people rsvp'd I let them know about the change of venue. DS lost a friend over that as they turned up at the original venue. I just can't imagine how people think it's ok to turn up without having let the host know.

ConcreteUnderpants · 20/01/2018 16:38

To my mind if the mother doesn’t hear from me then I’m not going!

This^^ drives me mad.

If I have bothered to invite your child, write you out an invitation, potentially spend money on your child, organise a party bag, etc etc at least have the decency to say respond.

And usually there is a can attend/cannot attend bit on the invite, so it's pretty obvious that a response either way is required.

If you don't know just yet because of X, then fine. I understand people have other commitments. At least let me know that it's been acknowledged.

It's one of my big bugbears, which I find incredibly rude, selfish and unnecessary.

ClinkyMonkey · 20/01/2018 16:38

RSVP - Repondez s'il vous plait. Please reply. To me that means either way. Not only when you can be arsed.

How hard is it to have some manners and a bit of consideration?

When I sent out my son's invitations, there were several people who didn't reply, so I sent a note to each, via my son, politely asking for a definite answer as the venue needed final numbers. I had a couple of sheepish people sidle up and apologise and say their children would love to go and a couple who texted 'no' and one who still didn't get the message. I shouldn't have had all that trouble just because people were too rude to reply.

RainbowGlitterFairy · 20/01/2018 16:42

DD never gives me the sodding invitations, they sit in her desk at school so the first i hear about parties are when I get a whatsapp message asking if shes going. At the end of term when they clear out their desks I get a nice little stack of invitations that 'oh yeah, i forgot to show you mum.'

ClinkyMonkey · 20/01/2018 16:51

I know Rainbow, that can be really frustrating! There's not a whole lot you can do about that. My DS usually brings them home ok but they end up in a crumpled mess in his bag. So I have to have a forage for stuff now and then.

HippyChickMama · 20/01/2018 17:00

I always try to rsvp straight away as I know how frustrating it is when people don't respond, I would also forget if I left it. I did once accept an invitation to a party for ds, bought and wrapped the present and then miss the party thinking it was the following weekend. In my defence I was 38 weeks pregnant with dd and ds had 3 parties over 2 weekends.

Kalinka16 · 20/01/2018 17:01

I had this once, for my DD’s best friend’s party (which had even been moved to accommodate my DD!). DD had left her invite in her desk drawer without mentioning it to me... thankfully the Mum texted me to check she was going to the party. I was suitably mortified!!

RainbowGlitterFairy · 20/01/2018 17:02

Clinky The crumpled mess at the bottom of her bag is where important notes from school and homework live, but only after shes been sent back in to get her homework.

wrapsuperstar · 20/01/2018 17:04

I RSVP - a lot of the time it’s a verbal confirmation to mums I see frequently, otherwise a text. So far I have only booked village hall-type parties myself so I can relax a bit about numbers; means I can accommodate the odd sibling and not fret too much about the odd no show, too. Still a stressful bloody thing, mind...

Bluedoglead · 20/01/2018 17:05

I was this parent. Sometimes.

Work full time child at minder. Nite doesn’t make it my length

Child at her dads that weekend. I pass note on. Dad doesn’t reply. But parent gets at me about it.

My mother was dying. For months. I was juggling single parent work and looking after my mum. I dropped a bollock.

Bluedoglead · 20/01/2018 17:06

*note

Spangles1963 · 20/01/2018 17:10

I know some people will think this is a relatively new phenomenon,that goes hand in hand with the disintegration of basic manners these days,but I had experience of this nearly 30 years ago when I was organising a birthday party for my DD,then 5 years old. We invited 10, had 7 replies,all confirming they would attend. The 3 who didn't reply, didn't come.

clarinsgirl · 20/01/2018 17:13

I always RSVP to the invitations I receive but I would say that there are lots that I don't reply to as DS doesn't bring them home or loses them.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 20/01/2018 17:19

The people who never reply fall into two categories: rude or struggling at home (with organisation, time, children’s behaviour, etc.).

BhajiAllTheWay · 20/01/2018 17:20

No way. Always responded. If you've bothered to include my child, it's an insult to not respond. At least if you say no, the place can be filled by someone else. I never thought to go through the " if I know you and like you" process either as it never seemed about knowing or liking the child's parents, most of the parties my kids went to I hadn't met the parents. Didn't stop me replying though.

TrinitySquirrel · 20/01/2018 17:51

@Sleepfreezone you've had a shitty time but you can't take 20 seconds to send a text or tick a box on an invite in your kids bag? Right ok.

Not the biggest deal in the world but seriously? Hmm

Your kids are the ones who just wont get invited anymore. Not nice for them really if they do actually want to go.

TrinitySquirrel · 20/01/2018 17:51

@Sleepfreezone you've had a shitty time but you can't take 20 seconds to send a text or tick a box on an invite in your kids bag? Right ok.

Not the biggest deal in the world but seriously? Hmm

Your kids are the ones who just wont get invited anymore. Not nice for them really if they do actually want to go.

SandyDenny · 20/01/2018 18:22

Maybe they are all people like sleepfreezone who don't understand how invitations work or know what RSVP actually means.

Of course there are going to be times when a lot of bad stuff is happening in someone's life but that accounts for a miniscule number of the people who don't reply. Mostly they are rude or are the parents who apparently never get anything communicated via the school bag.

There was once a school Mum who always complained that she didn't get school letters, one day she asked me to put something in her child's bag for her (she didn't do school pick ups), the bag was stuffed full of all the letters that had been sent home that year. Some people are just odd.

SleepFreeZone · 20/01/2018 18:22

Pmsl at ‘you’ve had a shitty time’. Yes I have, thank you for acknowledging it quite so minimally. Appreciate it.

123bananas · 20/01/2018 18:37

You know sometimes when you have bigger life shit going on then a kids party just isn't at the fore front of your mind and neither should it be.

Sorry for your loss SleepFreeZone x