Are you a parent who doesn't RSVP to party invitations?!

[GinnyJumperoo]

If so, why? Why can't you send a quick text? Is it that hard?

DD's birthday party today and I have about eight parents who haven't bothered to RSVP for their kids.

This is the first party I've done and I naively assumed that a lack of rsvp would mean they weren't coming, but having spoken to a few of the other nursery mums who have had parties for their kids in the past year, this is not the case. "Some come, some don't". I understand that people do forget but from our discussions it's the same parents every time.

But what can you do?

Well it depends on DD - she has a ‘treasure’ box in her room and I’ve had a few near misses if she’s squirrelled it away.

Otherwise I always try to RSVP immediately otherwise I would forget.

No. Always try to reply as soon as possible.

I didn’t to the last one. Some people are busy.

Most people have more important things to think about than some kid’s party but try to treat people as you would like to be treated.

It’s thirty seconds out if your life.

I rspv if the invite doesn't end up in the bottom of the school bag smeared with banana and only given ti me the morning of the party,,,

It is rude of course not to reply, I always do promptly.

I have realised over the years some people lead chaotic lives and they are not being personal or rude, they just cant get their shit tigether and are like it with everyone.

I felt a lot better knowing that it was a reflection of their lives for whatever reason, and nothing for me to worry about. Now I just send text reminder to reply or it will be assumed the invited child cant make it in a nice way. Some people have bigger things to worry about.

I have done two all class parties - about 18 turned up. So 2/3rds. About five RSVPed to say coming. So much wasted food as I had to cater for all thirty.
Did one treat party of five guests with specific travel instructions (we were taking them), had to chase all to RSVP even with a date to RSVP. My youngest has her birthday next week and only wanted 5 friends. If only 3 turn up she will be gutted. Hate it

I've done it once accidentally. There was a question over whether we could make it and the invitation got lost and then forgotten in the interim.
I've had it done to me for several kids parties so even though it's very rude, I've been forgiving, because it's easier than you would like to forget if you don't respond straight away.

If it was just a full class party I always put it on the calendar with a reminder to rsvp 1 week before. For smaller parties/activities/close friends I’d rsvp as soon as I knew if ds was going or not.

I’d never intentionally not rsvp, as it is inconsiderate and I’d never show up for a party I hadn’t replied too as that is rude and inexcusable.

It's rude. But some people are OK with being rude an inconveniencing someone else for the sake of a 10 second text.

Sorry to hijack thread but how would you word an invitation where you are paying per head with limited numbers? DD has her first party next month and I have no clue how to basically say "if you don't let me know, don't expect to turn up and join in as you won't be on the list", but obviously in a nicer way! This is my first year of hosting a party so tips from seasoned professionals would be welcome!

womble, if you're doing a pay per head activity, it's worth asking if you can deliberately under-book by two or three kids, and pay for any "extras" on the day. Helps account for any last-minute sickness dropouts as well the mysterious non-RSVPers.

Womble I'd go for something like "We need to give final numbers to by so if I haven't heard from you by I will assume you can't come and will not book a place for your child."

We were those parent for a whole term. A TA took against DD as DD wet herself in the first week of Reception and the TA had to clean it up. The TA threw DD's party invitations in the bin (the system was that the TA would put party invitations in the book bags). She also did it to a few other children she didn't like. When drunk at the staff Christmas party she told a colleague, thinking that they would also find it really funny. The colleague told the Head. The Head launched an investigation to see what the TA had got up to and her mistreatment of the kids was not only this, but also not giving a coeliac child his gluten free biscuits that his parents had brought in (she didn't give him any biscuits at all...so he was hungry rather than gluten poisoned), as well as stealing repeatedly from the colleagues, things like shoes, jumpers, cash, make-up. The Head contacted the parents in question and told us more or less what had happened, then the class teacher who was an NQT told us the whole story, (including that the TA had stolen from colleagues), saying she felt guilty. DD did breakfast club back then and was picked up by her babysitter so I never saw any parents at the school gate and had only a few of their numbers (they had mixed up classes since Nursery) so no one was ever able to catch me or DH or WhatsApp us a reminder. Now that I've read this thread I feel dreadful about those kids who never had a reply from DD to their invitation...even though we couldn't have done any differently!

Meant to add - when we receive an invitation we reply. Same day so it can't get forgotten.

Screw.. I can pay for extras on the day (to a point) but I guess it's the pedant in me if someone can't be arsed to text a yes why should I fork out £11+ for an extra space? and there's also the infamous goodie bags to consider.

Mrs Hathaway - thanks that's a great help

I've not a few times, usually as I find the invite in a coat pocket or something after the event! I suppose I should text and apologise in that case. Obviously I wouldn't intentionally ignore an invite though.

I should add I have also been on the other side a lot, even when I send Facebook reminders etc people still ignore, or I have a few tell me they will decide on the morning or wait and see what other things come along, I'm fairness kids birthdays are late November and December so I get it but it's still rude. Basically, they will come if there are no better offers.

No!! I have diary and calendar. I can see pretty quickly if we are going free or not.
I try and respond that day. The one time I didn't the invite was genuinely not seen. The dm chased me i apologised.

I think it's appalling manners and heart breaking for small dc. Really nasty and awful. Parties are a luxury. They cost so much money.

I have started to much more ruthless approach now on second dd.

I reply as soon as we get the invite. I was my daughter's 4th party recently. First party we've done. It was a pay per head and in advance party. Out of the 24 invites, only 1 didn't reply at all, 1 declined and 2 cancelled on the day due to illness (completely understandable). I thought that was pretty good going. Nursery put the invites in each child's drawer and then slowly parents text me their replies. When the due date had passed, I had 6 non responders so I passed a list of names to Nursery and the mentioned it to the parents at pick up, so I got all bar one.

As you can see on this thread, and on MN in general, EVERYONE has shit to deal with in their lives — mental health issues, bereavement, miscarriage, shift work schedules, or just the general craziness that comes with having kids, jobs, relationships, homes, and lives. For better or worse this is what it is to be an adult. Ovee the last few years if I had stopped responding to things every time I was depressed, dealing with serious medical issues, or had a close family member or in-law dying, my kids would never be invited anywhere again.

That being said, I can honestly say I’ve never hosted a party where people didn’t respond at all — and I’ve hosted my share. There are always a few who need a reminder but that only takes a minute. Usually the person just forgot. My kids have been in lots of schools in the UK and abroad, and I’ve never had a situation where there was no way to get in contact with other parents in the class.

I also think it’s daft to do paper invitations, for the reasons mentioned above.

Also, for those who have DHs or DPs, why not hand this duty over to them when you go through a period feeling unable to cope? This is yet another example of wifework.

I always respond right away, although once I typed in the wrong mobile number. Thankfully the mum asked me at pick up as our children were really close and we were able to clear up the mistakes!

Lockedout that's awful. I hope that TA got sacked.
I'm a TA in a reception class and we check book bags and planners everyday. There is a child in my class who still has every newsletter, bag of birthday sweets, birthday invites and unopened Christmas cards in their book bag. The parents never write in their reading record and what's even sadder they keep sending their child in uniform on non-uniform days. Infact there's so many slack ass parents about where book bags are concerned.
Takes me all of 10 minutes to check 30 book bags so why some parents can't is beyond me.