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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU ...to be annoyed with MIL's demands as a guest

354 replies

heardashot · 20/01/2018 11:55

The ILs are staying. This morning MIL came in to interfere help with breakfast and declared that FIL would not eat grilled bacon, it had to be fried. All my bacon was under the grill. I had to fish some out and fry it.

Next, cups of tea. MIL makes tea by putting a teabag in milk (ewwwww) and then adding hot water. I must admit that I never do this unless she is stood over me and she has never complained, so I doubt she can even tell the difference. But if she spots me, she tells me how to make her tea.

I was brought up to say thank you if someone gives you a present or something to eat or drink, and never complain about it. If you are out and paying for food and there is something wrong, then have a word yes.

I get buying something that your guests like and you don't have in, FIL likes white bread for example so I got some, but aibu to think that when someone offers you a bacon sandwich or cup of tea, that beyond "no sugar thanks" it is rude for you instruct them how to prepare it? Is is really that difficult to eat a grilled bacon sandwich rather than a fried one?

(They have never ever in my presence complained about a cup of tea when we have been out somewhere.)

OP posts:
Original poster
heardashot · 20/01/2018 17:54

Oh sorry Blush didn't think it was posting!

OP posts:
CharlieSierra · 20/01/2018 18:05

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sat 20-Jan-18 16:08:56
Someone asked if fried and grilled bacon taste different - well yes, to me they certainly do. Grilled bacon is much drier and saltier, and I don't like it

I also like to have my bacon pushed flat onto the frying pan to make the fatty bits go crispy

Exactly this! If you offered me a bacon sandwich and I realised you were grilling the bacon I'd be gutted. And she's not a guest she's family. I tell my Dad all the time not to make me one of those awful cups of tea with the milk in first. He does it because says it saves the cups getting stained, I say maybe but it makes shite tea. It's fine, he's family.

Iwantamarshmallow · 20/01/2018 18:20

MIL makes tea by putting a teabag in milk (ewwwww) and then adding hot water

This is how I drink my tea, if someone offers to make one I do often ask for the milk in first with the bag. If someone objected to this though I wouldn't insist.

peachgreen · 20/01/2018 18:34

I'd be a bit gutted if after 30 years of making tea for a family member that I saw on a regular basis i discovered that they actually had a preference about how it was made but hadn't said anything, meaning I'd been making them sub-par tea that whole time when if they'd only mentioned it I could have easily adapted things!

Mentioning to a close family member that you like something a certain way is totally different to kicking up a fuss in a restaurant. My SIL knows that I like my toast very lightly toasted, but I wouldn't ask for it that way in a cafe, or even in a friend's house that I don't stay with very often. And I know that my Mum likes her tea abnormally weak (seriously, it's weird). That's what family is about - being able to be yourself.

I think it's really strange and unwelcoming to expect family to stand on ceremony and be uncomfortable simply because you don't like being asked to do things differently.

cryingbehindsunglasses · 20/01/2018 18:47

Yabu.

They are staying in your house as guests. She's just telling you what she and her husband prefer. Mildly annoying but honestly get over it. I do wonder if it's just that you dislike your mil and want to be annoyed by her and start threads on Mumsnet about her.

GreenTulips · 20/01/2018 18:55

Preference and correction are different things!

Saying can you put milk in my tea first and leaving OP to get in is different to hovering in the kitchen ch icing up on her, neither helpful or warranted

And what grown ups ask for their sarnie slic d in a particular way?

peachgreen · 20/01/2018 19:00

But OP has admitted that when MIL isn't there she ignores her preference. So no wonder she has to correct her each time.

Original poster
heardashot · 20/01/2018 19:04

peachgreen "...or even in a friend's house that I don't stay with very often"

It's the first time MIL has ever stayed in my house. I've known her for 4 years if it makes a difference. I knew about the tea thing but had never made her or FIL a bacon sandwich before. Regardless, I would never tell anyone how to cook my meal in their own home.

DH is back. He says he didn't know that FIL only ate fried bacon and he would have grilled it also!

OP posts:
Crumbs1 · 20/01/2018 19:11

She’s being fussy but would probably consider herself family rather than ‘a guest’ per se. If that’s her worse crime you should be hugging her!

iamyourequal · 20/01/2018 19:25

Yanbu to be miffed at this OP. If somebody can eat fried bacon they can eat grilled bacon. Its rude to make a fuss in someone else's house over something so minor. As for milk in first, that makes horrendous tea as the tea requires boiling hot water to infuse properly. Having said all that, I'm sure you will be a forever gracious host for their future visits and accommodate their whims. I guess that's what we all do for family!

peachgreen · 20/01/2018 19:31

I don't think the number of times she's stayed over makes a difference. She's family. You're going to make her a lot of tea over the years. It's not unreasonable to express a preference over how it's made. Would you genuinely rather she didn't enjoy every cup of tea you ever made her than mentioned it to you?

Original poster
heardashot · 20/01/2018 19:34

I'd rather she didn't make me feel like a servant in my own home.

OP posts:
peachgreen · 20/01/2018 19:37

...by expressing a preference about how she has her tea?! Confused

Original poster
heardashot · 20/01/2018 19:39

Yes, by telling me how to prepare food in my own home.

OP posts:
Original poster
heardashot · 20/01/2018 19:41

To be clear, I didn't argue, I just did as I was told. I didn't like it though. I think she was out of order.

OP posts:
madcatwoman61 · 20/01/2018 19:42

Surely if you have guests you find out how they like their tea and bacon sandwiches, and do it like that? It’s part of being hospitable! You sound like one of those miserable seaside landladies

TheDowagerCuntess · 20/01/2018 19:43

I'm with you OP.

Asking for some of the bacon to be fried is annoying. It means getting another pan out, and then keeping an eye on two different things cooking. And washing another thing up. Not exactly 'no hassle'.

Is it the end of the world? No. But it's annoying.

I wouldn't go to my best friend's house and act like this. Who wants to be annoying?

The tea - whatever, if that's the way she wants it.

Aridane · 20/01/2018 19:51

Yabu

They are staying in your house as guests. She's just telling you what she and her husband prefer. Mildly annoying but honestly get over it. I do wonder if it's just that you dislike your mil and want to be annoyed by her and start threads on Mumsnet about her.

.

This - you clearly don’t like your MIL

Aridane · 20/01/2018 19:52

Yabu

They are staying in your house as guests. She's just telling you what she and her husband prefer. Mildly annoying but honestly get over it. I do wonder if it's just that you dislike your mil and want to be annoyed by her and start threads on Mumsnet about her.

.

This - you clearly don’t like your MIL

Aridane · 20/01/2018 19:52

Yabu

They are staying in your house as guests. She's just telling you what she and her husband prefer. Mildly annoying but honestly get over it. I do wonder if it's just that you dislike your mil and want to be annoyed by her and start threads on Mumsnet about her.

.

This - you clearly don’t like your MIL

Aridane · 20/01/2018 19:52

Yabu

They are staying in your house as guests. She's just telling you what she and her husband prefer. Mildly annoying but honestly get over it. I do wonder if it's just that you dislike your mil and want to be annoyed by her and start threads on Mumsnet about her.

.

This - you clearly don’t like your MIL

Aridane · 20/01/2018 19:52

Yabu

They are staying in your house as guests. She's just telling you what she and her husband prefer. Mildly annoying but honestly get over it. I do wonder if it's just that you dislike your mil and want to be annoyed by her and start threads on Mumsnet about her.

.

This - you clearly don’t like your MIL

Aridane · 20/01/2018 19:53

Yabu

They are staying in your house as guests. She's just telling you what she and her husband prefer. Mildly annoying but honestly get over it. I do wonder if it's just that you dislike your mil and want to be annoyed by her and start threads on Mumsnet about her.

.

This - you clearly don’t like your MIL

Aridane · 20/01/2018 19:53

SORRY - don’t know what happened there

Lunde · 20/01/2018 20:02

I think she sounds very rude - to walk into her DIL's kitchen and see bacon grilling and then demand fried instead. It sounds very entitled.

I bet if a DIL was posting that her MIL was not cooking bacon to her liking there would be people telling her to suck it up, not be ungrateful and eat what is offered!