AIBU ...to be annoyed with MIL's demands as a guest

[heardashot]

The ILs are staying. This morning MIL came in to interfere help with breakfast and declared that FIL would not eat grilled bacon, it had to be fried. All my bacon was under the grill. I had to fish some out and fry it.

Next, cups of tea. MIL makes tea by putting a teabag in milk (ewwwww) and then adding hot water. I must admit that I never do this unless she is stood over me and she has never complained, so I doubt she can even tell the difference. But if she spots me, she tells me how to make her tea.

I was brought up to say thank you if someone gives you a present or something to eat or drink, and never complain about it. If you are out and paying for food and there is something wrong, then have a word yes.

I get buying something that your guests like and you don't have in, FIL likes white bread for example so I got some, but aibu to think that when someone offers you a bacon sandwich or cup of tea, that beyond "no sugar thanks" it is rude for you instruct them how to prepare it? Is is really that difficult to eat a grilled bacon sandwich rather than a fried one?

(They have never ever in my presence complained about a cup of tea when we have been out somewhere.)

I don't understand why you keep saying 'when it's free'. I wouldn't eat/drink something i didn't like just because it was free.

RowenasDiadem She should offer to make the tea herself as well then.

This is the same reason my sil stays in bed till after breakfast when her in laws are round.

I wouldn't tell someone how to make tea or a sandwich, rediculous. Why is she telling you anyway, if fil was that bothered he should get up and do it himself

MrsKoala Ah no, not the eating or drinking of it, the complaining about it.

OP My mil used to say that fil liked certain things a certain way, and would use that to hide the fact that what she really meant was that she liked things a certain way. I used to roll over and comply as fil was a lovely man. It wasn't until after his death that the blinkers fell off with a resounding thud, and I realised she'd been playing me for 25 years. Dh says my face was a picture when I suddenly realised.

Don't be fooled as I was.

I can't stop laughing at the idea of a grown man not eating sandwiches in triangles!!! 😂

My MIL is one of those who gives specific instructions for her coffee, publicly... in a coffee shop.
I wanted the ground to swallow me up when I witnessed her order last... "I want an Americano, with a shot of this and a shot of that, then stir it, then I want you to add a bit of warm organic whole milk, make sure it's ORGANIC, then stir again (showing barista how to stir with her imaginary mug), then add the sugar, then I want you to stir again, then a thimble of cream, NO MORE!! A thimble!!!! Then a grating of chocolate. Not too much... and a large slice of carrot cake please."

She couldn't have been more patronising if she tried and I wouldn't have been surprised if they spat in it!!!

I would still say i didn't want horrible tea (and have done) no matter how free it was. I would happily tell someone i thought their tea wasn't to my taste and could they make it like i like it. I would find it really peculiar if they thought i was rude for having a preference to what i consume. I'd think they were looking for things to get offended about and were a bit high strung.

scaryteacher That thought occurred to me just a minute ago but DH is out with them so I can't ask him if he remembers it is MIL that actually likes her bacon fried. She was out of luck if so because I only took FIL's three pieces out of the grill to fry!

I can't believe so many people think it's ok to make demands on how food is cooked and prepared when they are a guest.

I don't like any fat on a bacon sandwich when I make it at home, but if someone offered me one that they were preparing I would say thank you and take it as it came, it's such bad manners to make such demands.

Mil should have graciously accepted the breakfast you prepared as it came, just because it's not exactly as she would like doesn't mean it's going to kill her!

Oh and MIL got the triangles also. I worked in a Little Chef when I was at Uni and we always cut and displayed the toast in a certain way. I still do it like that

I know this is not the point of your post OP but if you like milk in first (which lots f people do) then how is that wrong or ewww? If your mil can’t tell the difference when it’s made a different way then you surely can’t tell when it is?

Easiest solution get your dh to cook breakfast when they're visiting.

I also do not understand the fuss over "good" or "bad" tea makers...it's hot water, a tea bag, milk and possibly sugar...how can anyone be so fussy about how it prepared and then in some pp's cases flat out refuse to drink it if it's not made to their liking 😮

The mind boggles!

TheKitchenWitch It's not the milk in first - I doubt I could tell that - the way MIL says I have to do it is pour milk in the mug, then put the teabag in to sit in the milk, then pour the water in, then fish teabag out.

I make it (when in mugs) teabags in mugs, water poured in, teabag out, milk in.

TheKitchenWitch Meant to say what I am complaining about is not her liking it that way, but her telling me how to make tea or bacon in my own home.

I would never be that rude.

Someone asked if fried and grilled bacon taste different - well yes, to me they certainly do. Grilled bacon is much drier and saltier, and I don't like it.

I also like to have my bacon pushed flat onto the frying pan to make the fatty bits go crispy, because I can't bear the stringiness of the fat otherwise, it makes me gag.

In all honesty, if I had a choice between grilled bacon and no bacon, I'd take no bacon. So I think your MIL was probably right to let you know that your FIL doesn't like it grilled, but then if I'd been her/him, I'd have mentioned it before you were actually cooking it, or offered to do it myself.

Tea - I agree with you, I don't like putting the milk in first, it doesn't let the tea brew properly. But if that's what they like, then that IS what I'd do, if I remembered.

I think it's ok to ask (but not demand) to have things the way you prefer them, especially if it's a strong preference - but it's equally ok for you to say "I'm sorry, I can't do that" if you actually can't. Otherwise it would be a bit petty of you to refuse (which you didn't, I know you didn't!)

Tea does taste different in a bone china cup. It also tastes different if it's made in a pot rather than the mug.

I drink what's given to me, but my children know my preferences and make it the way I like it.

Just like I respect their preferences in things when they come to me.

But we like each other...

the way MIL says I have to do it is pour milk in the mug, then put the teabag in to sit in the milk, then pour the water in, then fish teabag out.

But. What. Does. It. Matter? It's her cup of tea. She's not asking you to make them all like that.

Honestly, from your subsequent replies I'm beginning to think you are being wholly unreasonable.

I work with a v dear colleague who takes her tea cold milk,tea bag then boiling water
I think it’s pure boak but I accommodate her preference
When ever dp mum in kitchen when either of us cooking she clucks and fusses too

The people who are cavilling at the tea thing - you do get that the tea is being made in a mug with a teabag, it's not a case of pouring it out of the teapot into either an empty mug or a mug with milk in?
Milk in with a teabag, before the water is added, cools the temperature of the water and prevents the tea from brewing properly. It might be more to your taste that way of course, but it's not ideal for making a decent cuppa!

About 40 odd years ago my parents were on hols with my dads parents. Mum was making lunch of cheese on toast. Grandma made an almighty fuss when she realised that mum didnt butter the toast before putting the cheese on as that is what Grandad preferred. Mum said that it was too late as she had made it now and Grandma again made a fuss saying that Grandad wouldnt eat it, and stood there as Mum gave it to him, apologising for the lack of butter and said "I told her you wouldnt eat it!". He cheerfully ate it and announced that he couldnt tell the difference.

Grandma sulked for 2 days! No one was sure whether she was more pissed off with Mum or Grandad :o

I loved my Grandma but she could be a right pain in the arse when the mood took her, she would use the "Your Dad prefers...." as an excuse to have things done her way and then sulk when they werent! She was the same with her other DIL (but not her sons in law funnily enough....) and once ended up with no dinner when she kicked off about something my Aunt (a chef!) made and clearly expected Aunt to make her something else. She didnt so Grandma had to sit there without, and never complained again. Funny that....... I should add that this wasnt some little old lady, she would have been mid 40's when these incidents happened!

YANBU. If someone is kind enough to host and feed you then you take what you are given and thank them, end of. If you dont like it then dont go back. I have to say though that your mistake was taking the bacon out and frying it!

@missionitspossible it would be her cup of tea if she were making it herself, but it was op making it, therefore mil or anyone else for that matter should graciously take it as it comes.

Jeez, reading this thread you would not believe that people are being so particular about tea!

Grilled bacon is much drier and saltier, and I don't like it.

I find fried bacon far satlier and to get the fat crispy (cant stand stringy fat either) it goes too dry. Who knew bacon was so complicated? :o

heardashot - I did eat my bacon roll the other day when it had margarine on - I only realised when I bit into it and was part way through. It did really spoil my enjoyment of it though and I scraped off all the horrible margarine bits. I think as a guest it would look a lot worse to be scraping and taking bits away rather than saying up front.

OP, it is a bit irritating to have people micromanage you coming - especially if you don’t do that to them.

But do you realise you’re saying “in my house I expect guests to put up and shut up and if they don’t they are rude”. Because that’s not very hostlike.

It’s annoying because it shouldn’t be a big deal. I feel like this when my sis demands white pasta and pesto for her kids (neither of which I like or keep in the house). But then again I really appreciate it when my OH buys orange cheese for me because I don’t like cheddar.