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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious teachers keep sitting 'naughty' kids next to my 'angelic' DC

464 replies

Flaky · 18/01/2018 09:21

So he is then upset by them being mean to him and doesn't want to go to school?

This is at least the 3rd occasion a kid like this has been moved next to him.

Last year the teacher admitted that she had done it so DS's good influence rubs off but why should he suffer for it?

He's the youngest in the class as well (Yr2)and some of these DC are almost a whole year older.

Isn't this just very lazy teaching?

OP posts:
crunchymint · 19/01/2018 13:39

Quiet well behaved girls spend too much time IME thinking of others feelings. No they should not be expected to sacrifice reaching their full potential in return for looking after other kids needs.
Yes I understand doing a seating plan must be very difficult.

CruCru · 19/01/2018 13:40

I agree with HappyPsychopath. My secondary school would have been amazing if the 10% who pinched your things / tried to whack you with a ruler / screamed / yelled / were generally horrible weren't there. I'm sure that at least a few had difficult home lives but it's hard to muster much compassion when you are a 13 year old who's just had her bag snatched. Being made to "help" keep them out of the teacher's hair one of these kids was fairly pointless (for both of us).

FluffyWuffy100 · 19/01/2018 13:42

I mean, I should never have been allowed to get away with the way I behaved. Really. The school should have come down on me like a ton of bricks, involved my parents (who were pretty scary about stuff like this) and there should have been an honest and open conversation to address why my needs weren’t being met.

Or alternatively, the teachers could have let me sit st the back and have just let me continue to read my books when I finished the work. Id have been no trouble then!

goodbyestranger · 19/01/2018 13:43

The child had been expelled from his previous school and the family had been required to move from a previous council house. The child was clearly very distressed in his own way and that manifested itself in extreme disruptive behaviour, at the very upper end of the scale just short of being placed in a PRU. You have no idea how difficult he was to manage but several parents moved their children because of this child and his brother. My DD's experience was right at the sharp end nevertheless my views remain as described. This was severe behaviour by any measure. A close family member teaches in a PRU so I have an understanding of where on the scale this child's behaviour was. After DD left the school the child and his brother were moved on again, although I don't know whether that was because of a particular incident or pressure from other parents - I didn't make it my business to find out (the child was in the year below my DD but four year groups were taught in a single room, which is why she left at the end of Y6 and the child was still there. I don't have any optimism for the child's future at all. It's an absolute shame.

goodbyestranger · 19/01/2018 13:45

crunchymint my DD isn't that quiet and can stand up for herself very well. She's projected all grade 9s in her ten GCSEs following her recent Y11 mocks. I fail to see how I've scuppered her potential.

TickyTakky · 19/01/2018 13:47

FluffyWffy
I probably made it a million times worse as there’s nothing quite as bad a confident, precocious little shit ring leading the other disruptive kids. I had a lot of fun.

😂 This made me laugh. It's so true! Disruptive kids come in all shapes and sizes.

therealposieparker · 19/01/2018 13:47

We seem to be living in an age where naughty kids are everyone's problem and decent kids are pulled back....

If naughty little shits don't punch someone for an hour they are given a reward.

goodbyestranger · 19/01/2018 13:48

My post of 13.43 is directed to TickyTakky who obviously didn't comprehend the scale of the disruption.

crunchymint · 19/01/2018 14:01

That is great that your DD can stand up for herself. I couldn't and learned that building resilience meant STFU. So I did. Things did not improve until we moved into streamed classes and I could work.

TickyTakky · 19/01/2018 14:01

GoodbyeStranger

You daughter sounds great but you still haven't said whether she was actually being bullied or physically hurt by the kid who was sitting next to her. I'd find it hard to imagine you would let you daughter be bullied or tormented for two years.

Alpacaandgo · 19/01/2018 14:06

Therealposieparker

Exactly that.

goodbyestranger · 19/01/2018 14:10

She wasn't bullied by this child in the sense that he targeted her. He was however hugely disruptive. I can see that those who find my views too laissez faire are trying to find a way to minimize my DD's experience and therefore belittle my position but no, the behaviour was very extreme. Lots of physically rough behaviour, swearing, shouting etc. Was she bullied? No, not on my definition, which would require her to have been specifically targeted by this child but that isn't the basis of the thread. I'm sure that others have a lower threshold for what constitutes bullying though. Mine is as I say.

Andro · 19/01/2018 14:15

goodbyestranger

Did you seriously sit back and leave your DD to endure another child being physically rough with her?

I'm glad your DD doesn't seen to have any negative consequences academically, but being allowed to think that anyone being rough with her is acceptable (outside of specific sports etc) is a very poor lesson in boundaries.

crunchymint · 19/01/2018 14:18

And I am not one of those on here who post complaining if the school has dared discipline their kids. I am fine with that.

goodbyestranger · 19/01/2018 14:21

Andro he was physically rough generally around the school and he'd be repeatedly told off and told to sit in the Headteacher's office. The problem was well known. What was I supposed to do? I wasn't a teacher at the school. Both DD and I really liked the class teacher - she was doing her absolute best in a tough situation and the child had been moved on already from another school. So in answer to your question: yes I did 'sit back'.

TickyTakky · 19/01/2018 14:40

GoodbyStranger

I'm not sure if it's me that you think is trying to 'belittle' you position and minimize your daughters experience because I'm not. If your daughter wasn't that bothered by the child's behavior then I don't see the problem.

I'm curious as to whether your daughter had a choice in having to sit next to this child for such a long time. If she chose to do it I would be concerned why she would feel that it was her responsibility. Id be equally concerned if she wasn't given a choice. Two years is a ridiculously long time to be sat next to any one child let alone a highly disruptive one. It seems odd that anyone thought it was ok even if your daughter was cool with it.

thecatsthecats · 19/01/2018 14:45

Fluffy I had a similar ish experience, except my parents were scary enough to keep me in line and the school prioritised the high achieving kids shamelessly.

It helped that I was cocky and invaluable to their league table results when they tried to kick a girl out of the a level class for behaviour that they wouldn't have even batted an eyelash for if it were me. I stormed off to the head and she was reinstated!

Just saying it to make up for the endless arrogance I had at that age.

goodbyestranger · 19/01/2018 14:55

No she didn't choose to sit there TT but since you'd be concerned either way I don't suppose it matters!

I also didn't say she was cool with it. What I said was that it seemed better on balance to let the teacher make the call. Not the same at all.

DD is my eighth child and I've always adopted the approach of absolutely minimal interference at school and just to let the teachers get on with the job. Occasionally poor quality teachers have made me go grrrr at home but that's been about it. It's been a labour saving policy and seems to have worked out pretty well. I know that there have been a number of parents at both primary and secondary schools who complain endlessly about the slightest thing and they're well known to the school.

crunchymint · 19/01/2018 14:59

My school did not prioritise high achieving kids.

TickyTakky · 19/01/2018 15:14

goodbystranger

I think there is a huge middle ground between parents who endlessly complain to the school and allowing your DD to sit next to a highly disruptive child for TWO YEARS! It's really impressive that she put up with it for so long and I can see why you are proud of her but I would have asked for someone else to take a turn. I think most other people would.

crunchymint · 19/01/2018 15:15

I actually would not be proud of a girl who put up with this for 2 years, I would be concerned.

goodbyestranger · 19/01/2018 15:24

I didn't say I'm proud of her I said she's pretty mature and concentrates well. if I'm pleased with how she's turning out as a person then it's not on the basis of sitting next to this child for Y5 and Y6,

They weren't alone in the classroom you know. Nor were they set apart. It's just that she was put on one side of him or opposite him as the class moved around. The teacher thought it was a good plan and I'm unconvinced it was bad.

crunchymint I'd struggle to be concerned about DD. She's sociable, well liked, gets on really well with all her seven siblings, has a great sense of humour, is kind, is sporty, is right at the top of her super selective. She's just really well balanced. If you're concerned about a child like her then it could be you that has problems!

goodbyestranger · 19/01/2018 15:25

I'm not even sure what problems I mean but if you could indicate a cause for concern then I'll examine my conscience!

BothersomeCrow · 19/01/2018 15:47

I never thought I'd be grateful for ds's ASD, but he is exempted from this problem. When he is sitting with half a dozen kids he likes, he is happy, compliant, and a perfect high-achieving role model in class.

When any other kid is sat next to him, there are screaming epic tantrums and tears. So funnily enough the teachers rapidly decide not to try putting any others next to him. Result - he comes across as the perfect child in the classroom, until a supply teacher arrives...

Someonessnackbitch · 19/01/2018 17:36

If your child was one of the less well behaved children would you be happy if he sat on a table with 6 disruptive children. All that means is the teachers focus will be spent on behaviour management rather than teaching. Your child in turn will not be extended. Although this annoys you, it is actually in the interest of your child as well. Not to mention he should feel pride in the fact he is an example.

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