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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friday drinks ?

152 replies

imgettingtoooldforthis · 17/01/2018 22:51

I work in the city, husband does not. On a Friday my team gets to leave early to go to the pub - bit of team bonding, boss will
shout us drinks. No more than 2/3 rounds max. We have SS eow, DH plays sport on a Friday night. DH has asked for me not to go to the pub and to take advantage of getting to leave work early. However the reason I get to leave early is to socialise (some people drink others don't so it's not forced) DH doesn't want me coming home tipsy (2 glasses of wine or beer) and then looking after SS (who is old enough to look after himself ) while he goes to play sport. (Btw he has 2 beers after with the boys) I'm never home late which would make him late or arrive home intoxicated. I like going, it's a nice way to end the week. Is he being unreasonable or should I put my family first ?

OP posts:
MsPavlichenko · 19/01/2018 00:03

He is jealous because he is controlling. Sexual demands (when you are too tired etc) are also indicators.

A good way of showing your DS physical activity is important would be for them to do something together ( given they don't see each other that much) on their Fridays.

I do get it is difficult to face this possibility, and to minimise or deny. But don't rule out what has been suggested as it's easier. Look in more detail.

Original poster
imgettingtoooldforthis · 19/01/2018 00:16

I can't face going home to an atmosphere, so I've emailed him. What shall we do at the weekend. Did you sort the invoice etc.... to keep it light and upbeat. But I doubt he'll reply, until late on claiming he's been busy. Knowing I'll be on tender hooks ..... then it will be - when will you be back?

OP posts:
speakout · 19/01/2018 06:25

OP this is no way to live.

Already this man has started to erode you. Give it another 10 years and you will be ground down.

Where are you right now if not at home?

speakout · 19/01/2018 06:52

Pardalis I am aware that many step parents and step children have good relationships.

However I doubt this boy would not be coming to visit if it was not for his father.
And he has not seen his father by that time for 11 days.
Yest his father chooses to go to the pub rather than give his son a warm welcome.

I wouldn't want to be with a man like that.

speakout · 19/01/2018 06:58

OP your OH and his ex split shortly after your SS was born?

The boy is 10 and you have been together nearly 10 years?

CrashBangWollop · 19/01/2018 07:09

He won't take SS as it's too much of an adult environment- swearing, going to the pub after etc.

and I'm guessing taking his son to watch them play football (clearly son is footie mad talking about fifa!) and them coming straight home with him and NOT going to the pub after is an absolutely abhorrent idea Confused

I think I personally (given that you've said you like spending time with SS) would offer a compromise of alternate weeks where one week DP does above and you stay out for a drink and the other you abstain and come home early and he does the pub after football,

If he declines he's being a twat.

JustDanceAddict · 19/01/2018 07:15

He is being v U, his SS is his responsibility. Sounds like he CBA with her.

Original poster
imgettingtoooldforthis · 19/01/2018 08:18

DH and ex split when she was 3/4 months pregnant. It's Friday night with me and I've spent the afternoon in the pub watching cricket with the boys (I'm a bit tipsy) so let's see what welcome I get when I arrive home - wish me luck ladies!

OP posts:
Original poster
imgettingtoooldforthis · 19/01/2018 08:19

@JustDanceAddict what does CBA mean ?

OP posts:
grobagsforever · 19/01/2018 08:22

@imgettingtoooldforthis why did you hide the Uber from 'D' h? This is a worrying thing.

Original poster
imgettingtoooldforthis · 19/01/2018 08:24

To clarify, he doesn't go to the pub. He plays 90 mins it's laddish lots of banter. Then they have a couple of beers at ground or go to the pub. But the game isn't kid friendly - lots of sledging ...... DH often gets booked for a affray .... not fighting just goading

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 19/01/2018 08:25

Even if your DSS was your own child, this is still being selfish.

Well put. And it's his child. His responsibility. Yes - if you're married it's nice if you choose to make an effort with SS etc etc. But he's not your responsibility.

Original poster
imgettingtoooldforthis · 19/01/2018 08:26

@grobagsforever because it would add fuel to his you shouldn't stay out argument ! It's more money being spent on an Uber instead of the bus.

OP posts:
Whatwouldkeithrichardsdo · 19/01/2018 08:31

My H is like this. Deeply controlling and restrictive.

I am done with it. Didn't agree to this way of life.

You would have a happier life if you were in charge of your own actions and decisions. I'm going to leave my husband because of it.

thethoughtfox · 19/01/2018 08:34

I can't believe his child comes over and he goes out. Then to compound that, he wants to inhibit you so that he can confidently outsource the job to you.

expatmatt38 · 19/01/2018 08:44

If you weren't leaving work early to socialize you'd be working if you see what I mean ! So it's not that you're adding hours to your Day even if you go for a couple !
One compromise would be to take it in turns - and on your turn you make a night of it and so does he ? Does he HAVE to do his thing each week? If he expects you home early every week to babysit his dc so he can go out he's being VU

sandgrown · 19/01/2018 08:46

I was in London with DS a couple of weeks ago. On the Friday we took the DLR out to Canary Wharf. I was amazed at the number of people having drinks after work. I was quite envious as nothing like this where I work but I guess it's a great networking opportunity too.
I have four stepchildren who I regularly cared for when they were younger but I expected DH to do the lion's share as it was him they really wanted to spend time with.

Original poster
imgettingtoooldforthis · 19/01/2018 08:46

@expatmatt38 he won't let the team down so needs to play weekly

OP posts:
expatmatt38 · 19/01/2018 08:49

Just to clarify if it's the "off" week and you don't have to be home for SS is it ok for you to stay out ?
And on-his "on" week why can't he sacrifice his sport ?

Kitsharrington · 19/01/2018 08:50

He IBU. Leaving early is bad form. You either go to the pub or stay and finish work on time.

Original poster
imgettingtoooldforthis · 19/01/2018 08:53

@expatmatt38 on the week we don't have SS he will be champing at the bit for me to get home, or he will arrange to meet me after again with an urgent I meet him at 5:30 on the dot I r join the boys and me at the pub, where he is full of bravado and tries to manipulate the situation ....

OP posts:
expatmatt38 · 19/01/2018 08:53

But you have to let your team down? Rubbish ! Should be a compromise or nothing - he's not playing premier league here ! If they know he's eow player the team can work it out ffs
I know it's hard and I'm like you I want to be the good person but don't do it at the expense of your own life and work social events do matter and people who never attend it is noted and affects the team camaraderie for sure

expatmatt38 · 19/01/2018 08:55

Other option is you lie and say Friday drinks cancelled I finish work normal time (6pm?) and do your thing lol

Theresnonamesleft · 19/01/2018 08:57

Oh he's one of those. Turns into an arsehole because he hasn't had sex. I had one of those. Life is too short to stay with an arsehole.

The team would probably be better off without him if he gets sent off every week.

HippoPotOMoose · 19/01/2018 09:05

Bollocks to him, you deserve so much better.

I think it's time for a full and frank conversation, where he will probably blame you. Only you can decide how you want to be treated and how you live your life, remember you only get one!

Good luck OP tell him to do one

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